Prayer as Moving Inward

LETTING GO IN PRAYER

One of the most pressing needs in my life has been trying to teach prayer.  It is not that I have classes to teach or people knocking down my door; I have children who ask.  They want to know how to hear God, how to be near him, how to discover a conversational life with him.  Recently for my work in the Renovare Institute for Spiritual Formation I read Richard Foster's Prayer: Finding the Heart's True Home.  He outlines some important kinds of prayer that my family has found helpful.

"Real prayer comes not from gritting our teeth, but from falling in love."  (Foster, 3)  Prayer is not just a feeling, but it includes feelings.  Neither forced nor glib, prayer is the honest response when my mind is moved by thoughts of God and his ways.  Rather than thinking I will be heard because of my many words, I pray when I love a Father who loves me so much and knows me so well that he knows what I need before I ask him.  Foster breaks the response into three pieces: Moving Inward, Moving Upward, and Moving Outward.

"Moving Inward" plagues the minds of some Christians because there are those who practice moving inward without moving upward or outward.  While I find it possible to get stuck in morbid self-examination and find myself distracted by the many methods of moving inward, such prayer is not high sustainable.  I find that in my life such introspection devours itself unless it is taken over by pride and made into a show.  I believe that the main purpose of moving inward is learning how to let go.

"To pray is to change."  (Foster, 6)  Real prayer is marked by repentance, not as feeling sorry, but as changing how I think about God.  For any worries about this process of moving inward and letting go as some form of dangerous "mysticism" or "Eastern meditation," I must simply answer that I cannot imagine repentance without some form of moving inward and letting go.  Without this portion of praying, I find my prayers very rote and my God very far away.

THE PATH TO OBEDIENCE

The pathway to letting go begins simply, with Simple prayer.  "We begin right where we are: in our families, on our jobs, with our neighbors and friends." (Foster, 11)  "By praying we learn how to pray."  (ibid, 13)  I learn how to let go of praying as if I were someone else instead of praying a just simply me.

Although the Father answers gladly my simple prayers, I am faced with times when I am forsaken.  I like how Foster says, "When you are unable to put your spiritual life into drive, do not put it into reverse: put it in neutral."  (ibid, 24)  I find that in the wilderness I learn to let go of what I think God should be and embrace who he is.

Further on the road of letting go, I look more deeply into my life and my heart through the Prayer of Examen.    Inevitably, from such knowledge of myself comes the Prayer of Tears.  Certainly I see my sin and my weakness, but also I grow in my ability to recognize God's grace and comfort.  God's complete faithfulness makes Examen and tears occasions of joy and growth.  I let go of trying to make it on my own.

Prayers of Relinquishment, Formation and Covenant start me on the journey of spiritual exercise and renovation.  "Only through the specifics of daily life can you be led into the Prayer of Relinquishment.  The will is surrendered moment by moment as you face the ordinary decisions of home, family, and job."  (ibid, 55)  In letting go moment by moment, I find that I need specific plans and activities that train me.  Formation Prayer is going over such exercises with my Father, seeing where pruning and growing needs to occur.  Finally, Covenant prayer solidifies the heart of letting go: obedience.  I have found that "obedience has a way of strengthening rather than depleting our resources. . . .  Obedience begets obedience."  (ibid, 72)  I let go of needing to have my way.

LETTING GOD

Moving Inward is not merely self-examination or morbid introspection.  I find that I must let go of my desire to keep things as they are in order to pray.  I have to let go of my worry about my life not being what I want it to be and draw near to God in my life as it is.  I learn to let go of false ideas of who God is and of what I think he should do and to embrace his mysterious loving work for good in my life.  I find that as I draw near to God I have to let go of trying to make it on my own and of trying to get my own way.  All of this "letting go" is the stuff of repentance which allows me to fall into his arms.

My children are willing to experiment with prayer.  I find that I have few definitive answers, but lots of hopes and ideas for how we can draw near to God.  The greatest joy is finding that as I move inward, God is not far away, but right there with me.  Without him, moving inward and letting go would be too frightening to take on in my own life or in the life of my kids.  But with him, we find that even though we have emptiness and pitfalls within our souls, he is there to fill us and carry us through our darkest nights.

Lord, let my journey inward be one of discovery and joy in the company I have with you.  I do not want to be afraid of what I find, but hopeful in the work you are doing in me and with me.  You are the Master Physician, the Great Healer, and my Comfort.  I want to fall into your arms.  Amen.