A Long Obedience: Rooted-ness

WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE?

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Our church held a Renovare Essentials conference a week ago.  One of the perils of conferences and retreats is the return home from them.  Suddenly everything is back to normal and all the new thoughts seem almost unreal in the face of everyday life.  What can I do with the hope I may have acquired during my time away?  How can I deal with the return home?

Eugene Peterson wrote a book called A Long Obedience in the Same Direction.  Even just looking at the title, I begin to suspect that change might not come as quickly as the hopeful feelings for change.  Inspiration is indispensable.  Without it, change becomes impossible.  The problem is that hope that is disappointed too often falls into cynicism and despair.  So inspiration must take root and become endurance if change is to occur.

Should I be surprised that the opening lines to Peterson's book are, "This world is no friend of grace."  (15)  This is not to be merely down-faced and negative, but a real assessment of our situation.  When I arrive home or even as I drive there I find out quickly that "the spiritual atmosphere in which we live erodes faith,, dissipates hope and corrupts love, but it is hard to put our finger on what is wrong."  (ibid)  This is not meant to disperse inspiration and hope, but to encourage them to "hunker down" for some long days of mundane work and even opposition.

Another quote from the book captures the main illness of our day: "Everyone is in a hurry."  (17)  Instead of expecting that my relationship with God should be like "Google" search or a pop tart, I need some other ways of understanding why hurry and growing in faith have little to do with each other.  As long as my faith and practice are "understood as a visit to an attractive site to be made when [I] have adequate leisure," (16) I will find the hope and excitement of walking with God too time consuming and even tedious.

NEW IMAGES FOR LIVING LIFE

Peterson recommends, "For recognizing and resisting the stream of the world's ways there are two biblical designations for people of faith that are extremely useful: disciple and pilgrim."  (17)  Both of these images require a "rooted-ness" which makes war on hurry in my life.  A disciple is rooted in a learning relationship where "we do not [merely] acquire information about God but skills in faith."  (ibid)  Jesus did not come to satisfy my curiosity, but comes to show me how I might live well and fully.

The pilgrim is rooted in a journey.  He cannot stay in one place for long, but is always moving, not in a frantic or worried way, but in a deliberate and hopeful way.  This world is not my home.  Jesus is himself the only way to get home.  Not only by his death, nor just by his teaching, but in a continuing conversational relationship with him on the way.

Jesus warned about the danger of inspiration without rooted-ness.  "The one that received the seed that fell on rocky places is the man who hears the word and at once receives it with joy.  But since he has no root, he lasts only a short time.  When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, he quickly falls away."  (Matthew 13:20-21)  How often I have heard this and only thought of persecution because of the word and not the trouble!  "This world is no friend of grace."  Following Jesus as a disciple or pilgrim is full of trouble not because Jesus is a troublesome person, but because the people and human systems we are part of oppose the life he gives.  The seed is good, but the soil needs work.

The images of disciple and pilgrim can place my feet on the path of long obedience.  As with any training or adventure, deliberate planning is necessary.  There will be work.  Everything worthwhile demands it.  It need not be tedious or worrisome, however.  If Jesus keeps his promises, then the life I live in long obedience will be an escape from being weary and heavily-burdened into a partnership with him where he does all the heavy lifting.  (Matthew 11:28-29)

Lord, may my obedience be long and my worry short.  Take my hand for this journey.  Instruct me in living.  I want to leave behind what this world promises as "the good life" and learn from you as my gentle and humble teacher and friend what the good life really is.  Amen.

Traditionally, followers of Jesus find it necessary to adopt a "rule" or a planned way of living in order to remain rooted.  A rule brings my daily life into Jesus's presence.  Regular prayer, self-denial, Bible reading and study, service to others, are some ways I have found God in my life and remained near to him.

Prayer as Moving Outward

PRAYER AS GIVING FROM ABUNDANCE

Prayer that does not move outward dies.  When I hear this, I am haunted by the thought that unless I am hurried and harried by my efforts to do good, my prayer life must be dying.  It is more along the lines of saying, "To breathe, you inhale and exhale."  There is a necessary rhythm to prayer that follows Jesus commands: "Love God and love your neighbor."

Similarly, Moving Upward comes naturally to Moving Outward.  Foster quotes from Bernard of Clairvaux about the relationship between Moving Outward and Moving Inward and Upward: "If then you are wise, you will show yourself rather as a reservoir than as a canal.  For a canal spreads abroad water as it receives it, but a reservoir waits until it is filled before overflowing, and thus communicates, without loss to itself, its superabundant water.  In the Church in the present day, we have many canals, few reservoirs."  (Prayer Treasury, Foster, p. 168)  Now I find I can practice what Jesus told his disciples to do, "Freely you have received, freely give."  (Matthew 10:8)

ASKING A GOD WHO WANTS TO GIVE FREELY

Praying the Ordinary, Petitionary Prayer, and Intercessory Prayer form the beginnings of giving.  All of them serve to keep me giving along with God rather than in my own strength with my own resources.  Praying the Ordinary takes brings prayer into my life "by turning ordinary experiences into prayer, . . .  seeing God in the ordinary experiences of life, and . . . by praying throughout the ordinary experiences of life." (ibid, p. 169)  In asking for myself (petition) and for others (intercession), I can ask for God to supply of the things I have let go and I ask freely from a God who wants to gives freely.

Giving deepens through Healing Prayer and the Prayer of Suffering.  The strength of the cross is that it promises both healing and the redemption of suffering.  Resurrection is the ultimate form of healing and the hope for which all healing points to.  As for suffering: "George MacDonald notes, 'The Son of God suffered unto death, not that men might not suffer, but that their suffering might be like His.'"  (ibid, p. 322)  Both prayers for healing and in suffering are based in giving from the strength and hope that God gives.

GIVING REQUIRES COMMUNITY

Authoritative Prayer and Radical Prayer address healing and suffering through command rather than request, and in community rather than solitude. "In the power of God we learn to take authority over everyday issues like our eating habits and and our sexual fantasies and our fears and our failures."  (ibid, 237)  In these prayers, I feel God has wanted me to learn how to identify more deeply with Christ by not merely asking, but speaking out his will in community.

As I spend time with my family or go to church or even go to work, I sometimes dream about what it would be like to be in a world or community where such giving was typical and not extraordinary.  What would it be like to live where prayer was as natural as complaining is now?  Blessing as easy as cursing?  Healing as pervasive as hurting?  This will be the case someday.  By God's grace my heart and my life will be ready for it.

Lord, teach me not to hold my breath, trying to hoard in all your blessings, goodness, and knowledge that you give so freely.  Let me breath out with prayer, kindness, and service, sharing your gifts freely as you have shared them with me, knowing that you will always share more.  Let my prayer not become a time when I gripe about how bad everyone seems, but rather a time where I can hear you speaking through other people's lives. Amen.

Prayer as Moving Upward

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PRAYER AS RECEIVING FROM GOD

Richard Foster has a practice in prayer called, "palms up, palm down."  As a person is sitting, he places his palms downward on his legs.  This is where he lets go or drops certain things.  Then he turns his hands upward to receive from God.  Only empty hands can receive.  Self-examination that never turns its gaze upward is never really letting go, but really only holding on more tightly.  I get stuck in this form of introspection more often than I would like.  Looking upward in prayer helps me to let go.

"In one sense adoration is not a special form of prayer, for all true prayer is saturated with it.  It is the air in which prayer breathes, the sea in which prayer swims."  ( Foster, Prayer-Finding-Hearts-True-Home, 83)  Moving Inward through prayer is necessarily followed by and accompanied with Moving Upward.  Without this movement, moving inward and letting go is doomed to become merely "self-examination [where] we will always end up with excessive praise or blame."  (ibid, 30) Letting go is necessary only so that now I can open my heart and receive from God.

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FROM GRATITUDE TO LIKENESS

Moving Upward begins with the Prayer of Adoration.  Moving Inward can become narcissism unless I move toward "the grateful center, . . .  a time and a place where we were free of all the grasping and grabbing, all the pushing and shoving, all the disapproving and dissenting."  (ibid, 88)  Such thankfulness brings me away from mere self-examination into a true hope and a real love.  I let go so I can receive the goodness of God through adoring him.

The Prayer of Rest, Sacramental Prayer, and Unceasing Prayer teach me ways in which I can better receive from God.  In practicing rest, I find that the work of prayer and everything else does not lie in my hands, but in God's.  Sacramental Prayer and Unceasing Prayer are ways I can join God in his work rather than try to get him to do what I want.  They focus on using my body and other parts of creation to pray as in sacraments, or in drawing my attention back to God throughout my day, so that each moment is spent with him as an unceasing prayer.  I receive God's presence and life by resting on him and seeking him moment by moment.

Prayer of the Heart, Meditative Prayer, and Contemplative Prayer take the conversation I have found in resting with God, sacraments, and unceasing prayer and move them into communion and union with God.  In Prayer of the Heart and Meditative Prayer, I find I increasingly feel as God feels and think and God thinks.  They are gifts and practices.  In contemplation, the communion of shared thoughts and feelings becomes the union of shared will.  I anticipate willing what God wills from a heart formed into his likeness, "in true righteousness and holiness."  (Ephesians 4:24)  I receive the very best that God can give: himself living in me.

COMMUNION AND UNION WITH GOD

Moving Upward in prayer begins with gratitude.  Without thanksgiving I do not see life as it really is.  I do not understand how God really is.  Gratitude begins the journey to companionship (covenant) with God.

As gratitude takes root in my life, I can begin to discover and understand the mind of Christ.  His thoughts and feelings become the focus of my attention and the "bread" on which I live.  I turn my thoughts and feelings toward him more and more as I share communion with him in my mind.  From this immersion in the life of Christ, I find my will and my actions start to change.

"If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish and it will be given to you." (John 15:7)  As the life and words of Christ make their home in my mind, my will and actions start to look more like Jesus'.  Through the renewal of my mind, God orders and enlivens my soul and my will and my body begin to act in concert with him.  I move from communion with God to union with God.

Quite frankly, I think I try to skip from gratitude to union.  I guess the process of change through communion and the renewed mind are more work than I want to do.  Obviously, the whole work is from God, but equally obvious is that he won't do it without my involvement.  As I heard Dallas Willard say recently, "We are not waiting for grace, grace is waiting for us."  God wants communion and union with me, but I find myself distracted and more interested in other things.

His mercy is patience.  He waits and works with me lovingly.  For this I am grateful.

Lord, where I place my mind is very precious to me.  I think long and hard about plans for myself and what I want.  I want to have the mind of Christ instead.  I want to be free from the worry about my own "kingdom," and my own name and be solely focused on you and yours.  I don't want to keep your grace waiting anymore.  Amen.

Prayer as Moving Inward

LETTING GO IN PRAYER

One of the most pressing needs in my life has been trying to teach prayer.  It is not that I have classes to teach or people knocking down my door; I have children who ask.  They want to know how to hear God, how to be near him, how to discover a conversational life with him.  Recently for my work in the Renovare Institute for Spiritual Formation I read Richard Foster's Prayer: Finding the Heart's True Home.  He outlines some important kinds of prayer that my family has found helpful.

"Real prayer comes not from gritting our teeth, but from falling in love."  (Foster, 3)  Prayer is not just a feeling, but it includes feelings.  Neither forced nor glib, prayer is the honest response when my mind is moved by thoughts of God and his ways.  Rather than thinking I will be heard because of my many words, I pray when I love a Father who loves me so much and knows me so well that he knows what I need before I ask him.  Foster breaks the response into three pieces: Moving Inward, Moving Upward, and Moving Outward.

"Moving Inward" plagues the minds of some Christians because there are those who practice moving inward without moving upward or outward.  While I find it possible to get stuck in morbid self-examination and find myself distracted by the many methods of moving inward, such prayer is not high sustainable.  I find that in my life such introspection devours itself unless it is taken over by pride and made into a show.  I believe that the main purpose of moving inward is learning how to let go.

"To pray is to change."  (Foster, 6)  Real prayer is marked by repentance, not as feeling sorry, but as changing how I think about God.  For any worries about this process of moving inward and letting go as some form of dangerous "mysticism" or "Eastern meditation," I must simply answer that I cannot imagine repentance without some form of moving inward and letting go.  Without this portion of praying, I find my prayers very rote and my God very far away.

THE PATH TO OBEDIENCE

The pathway to letting go begins simply, with Simple prayer.  "We begin right where we are: in our families, on our jobs, with our neighbors and friends." (Foster, 11)  "By praying we learn how to pray."  (ibid, 13)  I learn how to let go of praying as if I were someone else instead of praying a just simply me.

Although the Father answers gladly my simple prayers, I am faced with times when I am forsaken.  I like how Foster says, "When you are unable to put your spiritual life into drive, do not put it into reverse: put it in neutral."  (ibid, 24)  I find that in the wilderness I learn to let go of what I think God should be and embrace who he is.

Further on the road of letting go, I look more deeply into my life and my heart through the Prayer of Examen.    Inevitably, from such knowledge of myself comes the Prayer of Tears.  Certainly I see my sin and my weakness, but also I grow in my ability to recognize God's grace and comfort.  God's complete faithfulness makes Examen and tears occasions of joy and growth.  I let go of trying to make it on my own.

Prayers of Relinquishment, Formation and Covenant start me on the journey of spiritual exercise and renovation.  "Only through the specifics of daily life can you be led into the Prayer of Relinquishment.  The will is surrendered moment by moment as you face the ordinary decisions of home, family, and job."  (ibid, 55)  In letting go moment by moment, I find that I need specific plans and activities that train me.  Formation Prayer is going over such exercises with my Father, seeing where pruning and growing needs to occur.  Finally, Covenant prayer solidifies the heart of letting go: obedience.  I have found that "obedience has a way of strengthening rather than depleting our resources. . . .  Obedience begets obedience."  (ibid, 72)  I let go of needing to have my way.

LETTING GOD

Moving Inward is not merely self-examination or morbid introspection.  I find that I must let go of my desire to keep things as they are in order to pray.  I have to let go of my worry about my life not being what I want it to be and draw near to God in my life as it is.  I learn to let go of false ideas of who God is and of what I think he should do and to embrace his mysterious loving work for good in my life.  I find that as I draw near to God I have to let go of trying to make it on my own and of trying to get my own way.  All of this "letting go" is the stuff of repentance which allows me to fall into his arms.

My children are willing to experiment with prayer.  I find that I have few definitive answers, but lots of hopes and ideas for how we can draw near to God.  The greatest joy is finding that as I move inward, God is not far away, but right there with me.  Without him, moving inward and letting go would be too frightening to take on in my own life or in the life of my kids.  But with him, we find that even though we have emptiness and pitfalls within our souls, he is there to fill us and carry us through our darkest nights.

Lord, let my journey inward be one of discovery and joy in the company I have with you.  I do not want to be afraid of what I find, but hopeful in the work you are doing in me and with me.  You are the Master Physician, the Great Healer, and my Comfort.  I want to fall into your arms.  Amen.

Humility and Sin: Learning to Live with Freedom

"The law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath now made me free from the law of sin, which once led me captive" - is neither the annihilation nor the sanctification of the flesh, but a continuous victory given by the Spirit as He mortifies the deeds of the body. As health expels disease, and light swallows up darkness, and life conquers death, the indwelling of Christ through the Spirit is the health and light and life of the soul.

It is not sin, but God's grace showing a man and ever reminding him what a sinner he was, that, will keep him truly humble. It is not sin, but grace, that will make me indeed know myself a sinner, and make the sinner's place of deepest self-abasement the place I never leave.

Being occupied with self, even amid the deepest self-abhorrence, can never free us from self. It is the revelation of God, not only by the law condemning sin but by His grace delivering from it, that will make us humble. The law may break the heart with fear; it is only grace that works that sweet humility which becomes a joy to the soul as its second nature.

Not to be occupied with thy sin, but to be occupied with God, brings deliverance from self. (Andrew Murray, Humility, Chapter 8)

LEARNING FREEDOM

For most of my life I have been trying to learn how to live best in captivity.  How can I make this slavery as bearable as possible?  Weren't the Jews told to settle down in the cities of their exile?  I am also in exile in this world.  Perhaps it's best to just make the best of it.  Unfortunately, that is just my problem.

God has not removed the law of sin yet.  It is still alive and well in this life.  What he has done is supersede that law with another: the law of the Spirit of life.  The freedom I experience is not merely a future hope, otherwise no one could say they were set free, but only that they will be set free someday.  The freedom I experience is not an all-at-once sort of exchange, either.  If that were so, then I would be simply "freed" from the law of sin rather than being "hath now made. . . free" as Paul writes.

I suppose the best way to describe this freedom is that the chains are cut, but I am still like a freed slave in the South during the Civil War or like Pilgrims given leave to make a colony in the New World. The journey lies ahead of me even though freedom is mine.  I am free, but I must learn (and sometimes fight) to be free.

The Israelites' journey through the wilderness into the Promised Land gives a vivid picture of freedom.  At times they longed for their slavery back in Egypt.  Such longing buried them in the wilderness.  They may have been set free, but they never lived as free.  Perhaps my deliverance is a lot like theirs.  Maybe I am not so much doubting that the Red Sea of sin was split open for me and God fought for my soul against this "world with devils filled," but that I do not want to live in the freedom into which he has brought me.  I do not need someone telling me I have been set free so much as someone who will show me how to live free.

SIN FACES AWAY FROM GOD

The law of sin is the tendency to withdraw from the race, complain and die in the wilderness, make the "best" of this life.  The law of the Spirit of life is "continuous victory" over that temptation to "Curse God and die" or "Eat, drink, and be merry."  God does not remove the law of sin because it is merely the opposite of the law the Spirit of life.  They face opposite directions, one toward God, the other toward my self.

Murray points out that the law of the Spirit of life is evidenced by humility.  Humility is the right response to the law of the Spirit of life.  It performs two actions.  It denies the self.  When I live according to this law, I turn my back on living by the effort and power of my unaided, uncontrolled self.  Instead I embrace God through the Spirit.  I trust him.  I live for his aid and his control (which is not controlling).  The law of sin does the opposite.  Under that law, I deny God in how I live and trust my own resources to get me through.

Lord, I find myself so easily trying to manage my own sin and my own life.  Somehow I find I get so busy with trying to live my life without you, trying to make it all work.  The issue is not how good I am, but how good you are.   It is not about how bad I am, but about how you have loved me even in my badness.  Let me find the humility that empowers me to live with your grace.  Let me dispense with the false humility that drives me to despair.  Amen.

One of the best indicators of which law rules my life comes in the question, "What preoccupies my mind?

Humility and Holiness: Seeing Less of Myself

The one infallible test of our holiness will be the humility before God and men which marks us. . . .  The chief mark of counterfeit holiness is its lack of humility.

Two men went up into the temple to pray: the one a Pharisee, the other a publican.  There is no place or position so sacred but the Pharisee can enter there. Pride can lift its head in the very temple of God, and make His worship the scene of its self exaltation.

Yes, even when in the temple the language of penitence and trust in God's mercy alone is heard, the Pharisee may take up the note of praise, and in thanking God be congratulating himself. Pride can clothe itself in the garments of praise or of penitence. Even though the words, "I am not as the rest of men" are rejected and condemned, their spirit may too often be found in our feelings and language towards our fellowworshippers and fellow-men.

[Such pride] can be recognized, not always in any special selfassertion or self-laudation, but simply in the absence of that deep self-abasement which cannot but be the mark of the soul that has seen the glory of God (Job 42: 5, 6; Isa.6: 5). It reveals itself, not only in words or thoughts, but in a tone, a way of speaking of others, in which those who have the gift of spiritual discernment cannot but recognize the power of self.

Unless we make, with each advance in what we think holiness, the increase of humility our study, we may find that we have been delighting in beautiful thoughts and feelings, in solemn acts of consecration and faith,while the only sure mark of the presence of God, the disappearance of self, was all the time wanting.  (Andrew Murray, Humility, Chapter 7)

 “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”  (Luke 18:14)

 As a person who wants to write well, I am particularly drawn to beautiful or ingenious words or thoughts.  I can be taken away with how I go about saying something more than what I am seeking to say.  While being nice and mannerly can really play an important role in any personal interaction, it is the attitude within my heart that will make even plain words profound or beautiful words ugly.

So in many situations, I am faced with the those two men "coming up to pray."  I can be planning my day at work, talking with my wife at home, teaching my kids, or worshiping at church.  I will find those two with me in my heart.  One stands above everyone else, the other beneath.  One looks around for reasons to feel good about himself, the other seeks to be honest and true.

As an example, I can see that planning my time at home would have these two attitudes at war within me.  I can think about how much work I do compared to everyone else (at least in my own eyes) and commend myself to others by recounting all that I do.  From that I feel pretty justified in leaving certain things undone, things that are unimportant (especially to me).  Maybe, though another voice might speak loudly enough to hear: "It's all a gift to you.  You didn't earn any of it.  Even your ability to work is not entirely yours."  I might find myself grateful to be able to work for people I love and want to learn how to love.  No amount of work will repay what I've been given, so I need not work to earn, but work out of thankfulness.

I think this goes a little deeper than the little angel on one shoulder and the little devil on the other.  First of all, both the men worshiped in the temple.  They aren't doing different things.  What made them different was how they worshiped.  Same with my work at home.  Either way I do the work, but the attitudes are entirely different.  The attitude will determine how I work.

One thing helpful in changing attitudes here is realizing that these two men are utterly different.  Their attitudes are two different sides of the spectrum.  Jesus told this story to show a choice I have.  Either I will be like the Pharisee or the publican (tax collector).

With this in mind, I have two ways I can seek to be like the tax collector.  I can seek to be like him directly or I can seek to not be like the Pharisee.  I can more easily recall Jesus encouraging his followers to not be like Pharisees ("Beware the yeast of the Pharisees", "Your righteousness must surpass that of the Pharisees", "Do what they say, but do not do what they do", etc.).  I think he did this knowing that humility is not obtained directly, but indirectly.

What I find so helpful in Murray's comments is the connection between humility before God and humility before people.  What counts is humility before God.  It is what brings humility toward other people.  As a result, humility toward other people ends up being a good indicator of my humility before God.  If I am humble before God, I will be humble before people, so if I am not humble before people, I am not humble before God.

Humility is marked by the absence of self: self-consciousness as well as self-aggrandizement, self-contempt as well as self-worship.  A life lived before God is one where the self becomes invisible, neither petted and fondled, nor whipped and beaten.  As Murray says, God becomes all and I become nothing (but not worthless).  Such is the basis for holy living, life as it should be before God.  Such a life is "justified" or made right before God.

Each moment gives me opportunities for such living.  What if I really didn't have to worry about myself?  What if I could really trust God in each moment to work, play, and rest along with me?  What if all the burdens I have to lift in my life are easy because he is at the other end?  Worship might look a lot different as well as playing with my dogs at home.  And both would be holiness.

Be still, my soul, the Lord is at thy side.  I need not worry or complain.  I can trust instead of trying to please, because you are pleased with my trust, Father.  Let humility permeate my life as I look to you as my refuge and strength.  Amen.

Humility in Daily Life - Give as You Have Received

If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.  (1 John 4:20)

It is easy to think we humble ourselves before God: humility towards men will be the only sufficient proof that our humility before God is real.

The insignificances of daily life are the importances and the tests of eternity, because they prove what really is the spirit that possesses us.  (Andrew Murray, Humility, Chapter 6)

There is a lie circulated in many Christian circles.  Actually, it is also popular in non-Christian therapy.  "You must forgive if you want to be forgiven."  What heavier burden could I place on another person?

The thought comes from a misinterpretation of part of the Lord's prayer and other passages like it: "Forgive us trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us."  I have tried to live this false idea out and have placed the burden on other people as well.  The story is grounded in a false picture of God.

Somehow this god says that I must prove my gratitude to him by loving and forgiving other people who are disagreeable or even hurtful toward me.  He says, "I will withhold my love, peace, and joy and will not forgive you until you love and forgive your enemies."

If this is how God is, Jesus would say to the Samaritan woman, "I will not speak to you until you forgive all the men who have used and abused you as well as all the people who have mocked and excluded you.  Living water is only for those who forgive."  Maybe he would say to the woman caught in adultery, "I will condemn you until you forgive those men who were about to stone you."  Instead of saying, "Neither do I condemn you - go and sin no more", Jesus would just say, "Go and sin no more."

The point that Jesus is making in his parables and sayings about forgiveness is not that we should forgive or that we must forgive, but that those who live in the love and forgiveness of God can forgive.  As James Bryan Smith says, people who do not forgive do not lack willpower, but resources.  With this truth, when I cannot forgive, I realize that it is the measure of lack of awareness and experience with God's forgiveness of me.

Yes, lack of forgiveness points out hypocrisy in me and in others.  I make myself a liar when I withhold forgiveness.  The real story, however, is not that God holds a grudge against me until I forgive.  Instead, the story is that I need to understand and experience God's forgiveness in my life before I can share it with others.  The basic misunderstanding is that I need to forgive rather than sharing Christ's forgiveness with other people as I have received it.  "Freely you have received, now freely give."  (Matthew 10)

Humility underlies that forgiveness.  Humility toward other people indicates that I understand my place before God.  Again, this is easy to misunderstand.  The narrative is not that I am so low and unworthy before God that I only deserve to be the lowliest scum slave before other people.  No, I am loved and gently cared for by God, who is everything to me, so losing to others, serving them, and lifting them up does not take anything from me, but allows me to serve my God through my service and humility toward them.  "Whatever you do to the least of these, you do it to me," says Jesus, not as a threat, but as a promise of peace and joy in and with him.

Daily life is the place where this plays out.  It is more about how I treat people on the road than how many I invite to church.  It is more about what I do for my wife and kids than what I do for the homeless person "out there."  It is more about how I do my job at work that how many committees or ministries I serve in at church.  Humility plays out in "insignificant" places rather than ones that seem "spiritual" or "important."  This is a hard lesson to learn in many ways, but the goodness of God makes it possible for me to be trained and grow in humility and forgiveness.

Lord, Help me to lay aside the false ideas about forgiveness and humility.  I want to embrace humility that touches each area of my life.  I want to see you as the forgiving One, the humble One, and so find my hope and strength.  Open my eyes.  Clear out my ears.  Let each day bring me a time when I can yield to other people as I yield to you.  Amen.

Humility: Jesus' Disciples - New Heart Needed

Create in me a pure heart, O God,   

  and renew a steadfast spirit within me. 

Do not cast me from your presence    

  or take your Holy Spirit from me.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation    

  and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.  (Psalm 51:10-12)

Apart from me, you can do nothing. (John 15:5)

How impotent all external teaching and all personal effort is, to conquer pride or give the meek and lowly heart - for three years the disciples had been in the training school of Jesus. . . .  And yet all had availed but little. At the Holy Supper there was still the contention as to who should be greatest.

To teach them and us the much needed lesson, that no outward instruction, not even of Christ Himself; no argument however convincing; no sense of the beauty of humility, however deep; no personal resolve or effort, however sincere and earnest, can cast out the devil of pride.

It is only by the indwelling of Christ in His divine humility that we become truly humble.  (Andrew Murray, Humility, Chapter 5)

A little while ago I tried to revive a laptop computer from the dead.  I did a couple of fairly small repairs on it and it seemed to do well for a little bit, but then it would crash and burn again.  I try to use things until they are no longer usable.  In this case, I had gone a little beyond the expiration date of this computer.  It had given several years of good service, but needed more than I could give to it.  We discovered that we needed a new computer instead of fixing the old one.

The human heart was not made to be disposable like that computer.  The human heart will last into eternity.  It will either be thrown on the trash-heap of its own pride or placed in the setting of God's grace to shine with him eternally.  The fix for the human heart is not a "tuck here and there," but a complete overhaul.  I do not need my heart to be tweaked, I need a new heart altogether.

I need a heart that bleeds to be in God's presence and beats along with his.  I need a heart that is willing rather than willful.  I need a heart that seeks one thing in purity.  I need a heart that lives in the joy of being delivered.  I need a heart sustained by God.

Since my need is for a new heart, I cannot fix myself.  If my problems were small and relatively easy to fix, then I might be able to get somewhere.  (I think this is one reason I tend to be blind to my own sins: I want to believe I can fix myself.)  No, I find instead that my spirit is not repairable, but completely unusable in seeking and staying with God and navigating life in general.  I find neither the strength nor interest to remain with Christ long.  Without Christ, I am helpless and hopeless.

Seeking humility brings me to this point quickly.  How true that I can study, seek, and try to beat myself into submission, only to find that pride has been at my side instead of God.  I want God to help me, but find that he won't.  Instead he wants to inhabit my life.

It's sort of like asking a therapist to help you with a problem and having the therapist say he has to move in with you.  Or maybe, it is like spending two weeks in a hospital hoping to get better, only to find you'll have to stay there indefinitely to continue living at all.  This is what my "old heart" tells me.  It tells me, "If you let him have too much, he'll take it all, and you'll be miserable."

This much is true.  Jesus wants it all.  He asks to move in permanently.  He asks me to move away with him.  However, the "being miserable" part has to do with that "old heart" and how it works.  It lives on getting what it wants.  If that "old heart/spirit/will/self" doesn't get what it wants, it dies.  The only solution to my problem is to put it to death through suffocation.  I do not let it get what it wants.

If I do not have a new heart, then my old heart has to come up for breath every once in a while.  I live with "managing" my sin, "coping" with my problems, "compromising" with God.  In the end, I am frustrated with God because he won't cooperate.  I end up thinking he demands too much and gives too little.  This is because I am operating out of that old heart that pridefully wants its own way.

The new heart does not live in me apart from God living with me.  The new heart dies when it is not doing what God wants.  It lives to see him, walk with him, work with him, play with him.  The new heart actively puts the old one to death by depriving it of its own way and seeking God's ways.  The new heart has desires just like the old one does, but they originate and end with God instead of the self.

Humility is the beating of that new heart.  Pride is the beating of the old one.  Every life-giving pulse from the new heart feeds the body, mind, soul, and relationships with God's love, joy, and peace.  Every pulse from the old heart brings further death and ruin to the soul, body, mind, and relationships, striving to make them serve my own desires rather than God.

While lessons might inspire me to seek a new heart, they will never give one.  While the testimony of other people might show me how much I long for a new heart, they will never give me one.  Jesus is plain about what the operation requires.  "Come with me, stay with me, make your home in me.  Let my words be your words.  Let my life be your life."  His teaching is more than teaching.  His example is more than example.  He lives.  I must let him live with me and through me.  He will be closer than even my family if I will let him.  He will give me the whole treatment - a new heart - and I will find everlasting, fulfilling life with him and in him.

Lord, I want a little humility, but not too much, so I end up with none.  I want to live my way and your way and hope it will all work out, but it never does.  Let me come to you and leave everything behind.  Let me move in with you and out of this old life I am trying to make work.  Make humility the blood that flows in my veins even as my heart beats for you.  Amen.


Do you fear giving God "too much?"  What do you fear he would do to you?  Could it be that your pride is afraid to die?  Can you really live compromising with God?

Humility: Jesus' Teaching - In Word and Deed

I lift up my eyes to you,
  to you whose throne is in heaven.
As the eyes of slaves look to the hand of their master,
as the eyes of a maid look to the hand of her mistress,
so our eyes look to the LORD our God,
  till he shows us his mercy.  (Psalm 123:1-2)

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  (Matthew 11:28-30)

The chief glory of heaven, the true heavenly-mindedness, the chief of the graces, is humility. "He that is least among you, the same shall be great. "

Just as water ever seeks and fills the lowest place, so the moment God finds the creature abased and empty, His glory and power flow in to exalt and to bless.

Let us study the words [of Christ] we have been reading, until our heart is filled with the thought: My one need is humility. And let us believe that what He shows, He gives; what He is, He imparts. (Andrew Murray, Humility, Chapter 4)

Faith without humility can only be placed in oneself.  The essence of pride is trusting oneself above everyone else.  The essence of humility is faith in God and in those he sends to me.  So humility is the right placement of trust in my life; pride is the wrong placement of trust.  Humility is pictured so well as a servant looking to his master for mercy and kindness.  May my eyes be lifted up only to see you, Lord, and seek your merciful grace.


Humility is rest for my soul.  In humility, I lay my burdens down and take up the yoke of Jesus: a gentle and humble heart.  Compared to the ever-increasing burden of pride, which always takes more than it gives and burdens the soul with worry and suspicion, humility lightens my soul as I give up more and more of my worries and desires.  They are replaced with the peace and joy of Jesus, who looked for God's glory and relied on God for his needs and desires.  May I throw off the burden of pride and run to you, Lord, crying, "Life, life, eternal life!"

There are physical laws through which creation obeys the word of God.  Water flows to the lowest place.  There are spiritual laws that also govern spiritual beings.  God's glory and power flow into his humble servants. Understanding the laws of creation, we use the fall of water to make power, beauty, and even health.  It is harder to acknowledge and use the moral and spiritual laws that can also bring power, beauty, and healing.

Probably the hardest thing is that humility cannot be obtained without God.  And yet, it can be learned, if what Jesus said was true.  It may be that much of the reason God does not act in my life is because I lack humility.  I will not let him act as God, but only as an idol I can control.  I ask for his help, but live like I do not want or need it.  I look to him for healing, but refuse to stay in his care until I recover.  My words sound humble, but my daily life belies them: I live depending on my own resources.

Lord, I have so much to learn!  I speak like I trust you, but find that I quickly turn elsewhere for help.  I am burdened with my pride's demands, but I refuse to lay it down in fear of what humility might ask of me.  Help me to live as I pray, with you as my daily bread and deliverer.  Amen.


What kind of burdens does your pride lay on your shoulders?  How often do you ask God and actually wait for him to answer and work in your life?  Do you think you can trust God to come through?

Humility: Jesus' Inner Life - Doing What God Does

Not to us, O Lord, not to us
  but to your name be the glory
  because of your unfailing love and faithfulness.  (Psalm 115:1) 

I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can only do what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does.  (John 5:19)

In the Gospel of John we have the inner life of our Lord laid open to us. Jesus speaks frequently of His relation to the Father, of the motives by which He is guided, of His consciousness of the power and spirit in which He acts.

Listen to the words in which our Lord speaks of His relation to the Father, and how unceasingly He uses the words not, and nothing, of Himself.

[Jesus' words] teach us what the essential nature and life is of that redemption which Christ accomplished and now communicates. It is this: He was nothing, that God might be all.

This life of entire self-abnegation, of absolute submission and dependence upon the Father's will, Christ found to be one of perfect peace and joy.

His humility was simply the surrender of Himself to God, to allow Him to do in Him what He pleased, whatever men around might say of Him, or do to Him.  (Andrew Murray, Humility, Chapter 3)

In the face of great art, great works of literature, great feats of strength and skill, and great acts of kindness I am sometimes brought into a sense of awe at what can be done by a person dedicated to such actions.  I think of myself as rather mediocre and even lazy.  My life can seem colorless and empty in the face of greatness.

Self-deprecation is not a virtue, but the feeling of awe which inspires me to live for something greater than just "getting by" can lead me to virtue.  Such is the humility of the psalmist (115:1) who gives glory to God and not himself.  The great feats of God are love and faithfulness.  By such actions, I am brought to my knees in amazement.  All the great feats of people never match the greatness of God, who, although greater than anyone, made himself less that everyone.  The incarnation of Christ shows this best.  May my awe of your greatness inspire a desire to join in your greatness by learning your humility, Lord.


Jesus' explanation of only doing what he sees the Father doing has typically only meant something about the unity of the Trinity to me.  I saw them as words explaining how the Son and the Father are one.  I had thought Jesus was merely proving his equality with his Father so he could show his authority over the Pharisees.  It sounded almost like he was saying, "Well, at least I am doing what God wants while you are not."

These are not small things.  Proof for the Trinity and Jesus' authority are entirely necessary for my faith.  However, Jesus did not come primarily to prove something or to show his authority.  He came so that I might have life and have it abundantly.  He came to set me free.  Free for what?  Free to live as he and the Father live.  Only God can be God to be sure, but he invites me to taste in the love and humility that make the Trinity so good.  In the end Jesus' words about only doing God's will are about what it means to really live.  Let me seek to do what you do, Lord, so that I might have life - real life.


Lately, I have been seeking peace.  Usually I equate peace with indifference or ease.  I think that I would be much more peaceful if I didn't care too much.  I think I would be more peaceful if I had some privacy and quiet or maybe a relaxing night with some friends.  I do not usually think that doing what God is doing would bring me peace.

What I think God is doing shows a lot of what I think about God.  If he is the cosmic police officer, then he is busy handing out tickets and punishing wrong-doing.  If he is the universal grandfather, he is gently sitting back watching his grandkids and giving them gifts while he allows someone or something else to parent them.  If he is a complete martyr, he is pleading for me to recognize his graciousness and goodness while not expecting much response from me.

What do I think God is doing?  One time I was trying to have a quiet time with God in the morning and my children were playing and laughing and making a racket.  I huffed off to my room by myself where I could concentrate.  I continued to have trouble hearing God and being with him.  Eventually I called out in frustration, "Where are you, Lord?"  He told me, "I'm playing with the kids.  What are you doing?"

It is not that God is merely playing all the time or that he is always doing something that I am not.  The point was that I would not find out what he is doing by being angry with my kids while doing something I deemed "good."  He still met me in my time with him and taught me how self-important I can become, but he also taught me that I need to stay near him and ask him in order to find out what he is doing and not just assume I know.

Much of what God has laid out for me to do is quite ordinary: raise kids, love my wife, do my job, help at home, daily seek his face, etc.  This is not merely "busy work" between what God is doing, but it is what God is doing.  He delights in the "small" things in themselves because they are what the "bigger" things are built with.  Actually, God's designation of what is small and big differs from mine often.  "What is highly valued among men is detestable to God." (Luke 16:15)

Humility enables me to see what God is doing.  Pride blinds me to God's desires and actions.  Really, pride is the condition of indifference or aversion to what God is doing.  Humility is a constant awareness of what God is doing with the intention of joining him.  Jesus could do what his Father was doing because he made it his job to know what God is doing.  He communed regularly with his Father and encouraged his disciples to do the same.

Pride narrows my view to my own actions and intentions.  I only see what I want and seek to get it at whatever cost.  Pride cannot see what anyone else is doing, only what how others are interfering with what I am doing.  Pride makes it impossible to do what other people are doing.  It only uses other people and God to further my own actions.

Humility broadens my view to see the actions and desires of God and other people.  It seeks to further others' desires and intentions.  Humility is impossible without a God who takes care of my needs and desires.  When I realize my place in God's heart and in God's kingdom, I find that I what to work for him and with him more than anything else.  This is humility.

Lord, I realize how much I struggle with pride when I seek to do what you are doing.  I worry about getting what I want.  I worry about missing out on good things.  I get frustrated when things don't go my way.  But peace and joy are found not with pride, but only with asking, seeking, and training to be like Jesus, who did nothing for himself, but always did what you wanted.  Only in you and with you will I find love, joy, and peace, and life.  Amen.


Do you trust God enough to do what he is doing?  Do you think that a life like Jesus would be full of peace and joy or cramped and dull?

Humility: The Glory of the Creature

Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.
Worship the LORD with gladness;
   come before him with joyful songs.
Know that the LORD is God.
   It is he who made us, and we are his;
  we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.  (Psalm 100:1-3) 

Whoever finds his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.  (Matthew 10:39) 

Humility, the place of entire dependence on God, is, from the very nature of things, the first duty and the highest virtue of the creature, and the root of every virtue.  And so pride, or the loss of this humility, is the root of every sin and evil.

 When the serpent breathed the poison of his pride, the desire to be as God, into the hearts of our first parents, that they too fell from their high estate into all the wretchedness in which man is now sunk. In heaven and earth, pride, self-exaltation, is the gate and the birth, and the curse, of hell.  Hence it follows that nothing can be our redemption, but the restoration of the 'lost humility, the original and only true relation of the creature to its God. And so Jesus came to bring humility back to earth, to make us partakers of it, and by it to save us. . . .  His humility gave His death its value, and so became our redemption. . . .  His humility is our salvation. His salvation is our humility.

[Humility] is not a something which we bring to God, or He bestows; it is simply the sense of entire nothingness, which comes when we see how truly God is all, and in which we make way for God to be all.

This humility is not a thing that will come of itself, but that it must be made the object of special desire and prayer and faith and practice.  (From Humility, Chapter 1, Andrew Murray)

 At the heart of praise and worship is this knowledge: the Lord is God alone.  A necessary attendant to this knowledge is the knowledge of my "creature-liness."  I am not my own.  I was made by God.  I belong to God.  I am "pastured" and sustained by God.  Praise and worship focused on God and not on performance - "How am I doing?", "How do I look?", "What do people think of me?" - teaches humility.  May God grant me the knowledge - the actual experiential, hands-on knowledge - that the Lord alone is God.


When Jesus talks about losing one's life, some parallels in surrounding literature are a centurion who betrays his army and country, or the daughter of a priest who becomes a whore.  The loss is to throw away what is precious to oneself; to render it completely useless.  In trying to make my own way, I render my life an empty betrayal; I throw away what is most precious in myself.  When I lay my life down as nothing before God, seeing it as refuse and dung in comparison to knowing him in Christ, I can begin to know what my life is for and what I have been made to do. Humility is losing my life so I can find my life.  May my life be nothing to me in the light of Christ my Lord.


Humility is simply the other side of faith.  When I "see how God truly is,"  humility is the "sense of entire nothingness" that comes.  It is not a matter of self-deprecation (which, in my experience, is a pride-based humility, as strange as that sounds) but a loss of self-consciousness and worry in the light of God's glory and goodness.  It is freedom.

This freedom was coaxed out of our hands by Satan.  The "high estate" of Adam and Eve was their humility. It is the true nobility of human beings.  In contrast, "self-exaltation is the gate and the birth, and the curse, of hell."  This is the great Fall of man: from humility to pride.  I am still facing the fall.  Like in free-fall, many no longer sense their downward plummet until they are caught by the wind of the Spirit which propels them upward into humility or hit the bottom of the fall of pride: misery and death.

When Paul says that everything that does not come from faith is sin, he is also saying that humility supports all other virtues.  Humility is the underside of faith, making virtue possible and rendering sin unappealing and ineffective.  When God is who he should be, then I can become who I should be.  Faith in God brings humility and humility supports faith.

Lord, let humility become the object of my desire and prayer and practice.  Let me give everything up for this pearl.  Work it into my life, Father.  I am yours.  Amen.


As you think about God or worship him or pray to him, do you ever become aware of a "sense of entire nothingness?"  Do you resist humility or embrace it?  Do you see it as painful necessity or your "true nobility?"

Devoting Oneself to Humility: Life's Purpose

Morning


(Pray)
But from everlasting to everlasting

  the LORD’s love is with those who fear him,

  and his righteousness with their children’s children—

with those who keep his covenant

  and remember to obey his precepts.

The LORD has established his throne in heaven,

   and his kingdom rules over all.

Praise the LORD, you his angels,

  you mighty ones who do his bidding,

  who obey his word.

Praise the LORD, all his heavenly hosts,

  you his servants who do his will.

Praise the LORD, all his works

  everywhere in his dominion.

Praise the LORD, O my soul.


(Praise the Lord.  From the Psalm say to God, "Lord, you are . . . .")


Midday


“If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’  If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.  


“I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.  


“Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.”  (Matthew 18:15-20)


(Think of a time in which you have protected from shame and embarrassment by a person correcting your privately.  Think about how carefully you've approached someone you deeply care about to correct them without offending or discouraging them.)


Evening


If we are indeed to be humble, not only before God but towards men, if humility is to be our joy, we must see that it is not only the mark of shame, because of sin, but, apart from all sin, a being clothed upon with the very beauty and blessedness of heaven and of Jesus. We shall see that just as Jesus found His glory in taking the form of a servant, so when He said to us, "Whosoever would be first among you, shall be your servant," He simply taught us the blessed truth that there is nothing so divine and heavenly as being the servant and helper of all. The faithful servant, who recognizes his position, finds a real pleasure in supplying the wants of the master or his guests. When we see that humility is something infinitely deeper than contrition, and accept it as our participation in the life of Jesus, we shall begin to learn that it is our true nobility, and that to prove it in being servants of all is the highest fulfillment of our destiny, as men created in the image of God.  (Andrew Murray, Humility, Introduction)


(Have you found times in which you see or experience humility as "something infinitely deeper than contrition" and as "our true nobility?"  How might your treatment of other people show such a humility that is "the very beauty and blessedness of heaven and of Jesus?")

†          †          †  

I think it may not be mere poetry  in Psalm 103 where "You mighty ones" are the ones "who do his bidding" and "who obey his word."  This contradicts how I picture mighty people.  I tend to think of people who do not have to answer to anyone.  I tend to think of people who make the rules rather than obey them.  I find myself thinking the heresy "Might makes right."


Such ideas spill over into my ideas about God as well.  When he is "high and lifted up," he is above most of my petty concerns and thoughts.  When he is a "mighty warrior," he overcomes his enemies with a mere breath.  There is truth in these statements, but only partial truth.  Jesus shows me a God who is so beyond me, he can care for each person, even each flower and bird, as if it were his very own special child or pet or plant.  Jesus shows a God who is not merely mighty, but mighty to save.  His power and might are not bent toward destruction, but toward kindness and restoration.


These mighty ones who do his bidding, these angelic hosts who are servants who do his will are made mighty by their humility.  The one they serve makes them mighty.  A person who serves only himself is not mighty, but selfish.  A person who makes his own rules is not great, but foolish.  Mighty ones are mighty because of the one they serve, who Himself is mighty through humility and its cousins: kindness, gentleness, and patience.


This humility commands that I show great kindness and patience to those who sin and who are caught in sin. It is no accident that Jesus tells me, "First take the plant out of your own eye, then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."  (Matthew 6:5)  One aspect of humility is realizing how deeply I am indebted to God for forgiveness.  Such forgiveness leaves me no room for vengeance or malice against my neighbor, whoever they are.


But more than that, I have a great responsibility to be a messenger of God's humility and kindness in all that I do.  I am to restrain (bind) evil where I see it hurting people.  Sometimes this calls for confrontation, but it is always with a goal of forgiveness and restoration.  I am to free (loose) the goodness where I see it in others. Such goodness leads to prayer and action in agreement with God and with one another.  Isn't this what God does as well?

If I am binding and loosening as God would have me to, then I am working with him.  What I bind and loose on earth will also be so in the heavens.  I will be working with him through his Spirit and in conjunction with "the mighty ones who do his bidding."  My heart will pray "Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven" and my hands will work out such a salvation in my life and in others with God's hands over mine.


This is the heart of "participation in the life of Jesus" through humility: God's hands working over mine.  Much like a child learning to write, a parent or teacher will place his hands over the child's to show how to hold the pencil and write the words.  Whatever work that I do is meant to be lined up with God's desires.  This is how Jesus lived.  His life was freedom, love, joy and peace.  This is the bliss of heaven, where his angels  are "servants who do his will."  This is what I am made for, my "true nobility."


Nobility is conferred with a title.  The title that grants me most dignity is not my job title or my education or my accomplishments or my honor in my family or friends.  The title that gives the most dignity and nobility to my life is "Servant of God and all people."  Humility makes this title real and not just words, so that the nobility is true and not mere pretense.  This is what life is for.


Lord, make me like Jesus, who came as the servant to all.  Let humility be a quality in my life, how I approach you and also everyone around me.  Make me mighty as you are mighty.  If I bind or loose, let it be with those mighty ones who do your will, so that whatever I do will not just be a game I play on earth, but a stronghold established in heaven.  I know I can do this only by remaining close to you, Father.  I pray this in your name, strong and mighty, meek and lowly.  Amen.

Devoting Oneself to Humility: Inspired by Jesus

Morning


(Pray)

For as high as the heavens are above the earth,

  so great is his love for those who fear him;

as far as the east is from the west,

  so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

As a father has compassion on his children,

  so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;

for he knows how we are formed,

   he remembers that we are dust.

As for man, his days are like grass,

   he flourishes like a flower of the field

the wind blows over it and it is gone,

   and its place remembers it no more.  (Psalm 103:11-15)


(Begin your day with worship.  Praise the Lord.  Thank him using this Psalm.)


Midday

"See that you do not look down on one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven.  What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should be lost."  (Matthew 18:10-14)

(Think about a time when a pet dear to you wandered away or got lost.  Remember how concerned you were.)

Evening

In these meditations I have, for more than one reason, almost exclusively directed attention to the humility that becomes us as creatures. It is not only that the connection between humility and sin is so abundantly set forth in all our religious teaching, but because I believe that for the fullness of the Christian life it is indispensable that prominence be given to the other aspect. If Jesus is indeed to be our example in His lowliness, we need to understand the principles in which it was rooted, and in which we find the common ground on which we stand with Him, and in which our likeness to Him is to be attained.   (Andrew Murray, Humility, Introduction)

(Have you experienced a humility that brings "the fullness of the Christian life" apart from times of struggle with sin?  How does it remind you of Jesus "in his lowliness?")

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My son told me the other day that the major component of dust that we clean around the house is skin and hair.  With all the dust in our house, it seems that we are "returning to the dust" rather quickly.  What a reminder of what I am made of!  Much of what flies around in the air and finds its home under the beds and on top of window sills is what I am made of.

Humility has is foundation in dust.  Humus is "earth" in Latin.  Its roots are not so much about dust, but about being lowly or "on the ground,"  but dust is about as low as you go.  My weakness is not merely from my sinfulness, but is built into my being.  Such weakness is built in to inspire humility in my life.  I am dust.

When one of our dogs had puppies, one had a lot of health problems and had to be put down.  She was called "Grace."  Because she couldn't eat well and had so much trouble she took more time than the others and inspired our pity.  Our attention was on her because of her weakness, her "lost-ness."  We really hoped we could overcome them, but we couldn't.  That was a hard morning.

I imagine that the angels who "always see the face of [the] Father" always have his attention.  He is concerned about everyone, but especially his "little ones."  Their weakness inspires his pity, his mercy.  Like children that trust him to care for them and almost take it for granted (and actually do take it for granted at times), God's "little ones" have his attention and concern, much like Grace had ours.  God carefully watches those who humble themselves like children before him.

Jesus lets me see how humility draws that heart of God.  Lowliness keeps the Father closely following my life.  If I think I can "go it" without him, he will let me try.  If I remember how I am formed from dust and how my weakness shows my need of God, he will eagerly search for me, much like a shepherd feverishly looks for his lost sheep.  Jesus shows a God who cares deeply for humility.

One of the dangers of associating humility too closely with my sinfulness is that it becomes equated with humiliation.  Sometimes humiliation can bring about humility, but more often it brings resentment.  When God wants to humble me, he doesn't want to humiliate me.  He wants me to find fullness and life, not emptiness and misery.  He wants to lift me up, not break me.

Sometimes I cannot see the difference in what I experience, but I can tell the difference in what I hear as I go through such times.  What I mean is that the voice of God does not say "I told you so" or "Now you're getting what you got coming."  He aches and hurts with me.  The lower I go, the closer I find him.  Sometimes the pain blocks out his voice, but he never abandons me.  He always sends signs of his mercy.  I may not notice immediately, but in hindsight I am amazed at his provision.

When God humbles me, I find that joy is near.  I suppose that I may "humiliate" myself when I am being humble in some people's opinions, but that is what happens when you're in love.  That is what happens when you are truly grateful.  That is what happens when you've seen "the Pit" and been snatched from it.  That is what Jesus meant when he said, "Whoever humbles himself will be exalted, but whoever exalts himself will be humbled."  God humbles me with his greatness, his goodness, and his mercy, not with my emptiness, my unworthiness, and my misery.  Such lowliness which sees only God's greatness is that humility of Jesus.

Lord, bring me low by raising my vision of you.  You know how I am formed.  Show me the depth of your goodness, the breadth of your love, and the height of your glory in whatever way I can handle.  Today and forever.  Amen.

Devoting Oneself to Humility: Grace

Morning

(Pray)

The LORD works righteousness and justice

  for all the oppressed.

He made known his ways to Moses,

  his deeds to the people of Israel:

The LORD is compassionate and gracious,

  slow to anger, abounding in love.

He will not always accuse,

  nor will he harbor his anger forever;

he does not treat us as our sins deserve

  or repay us according to our iniquities. (Psalm 103:6-10)

(Worship God through this Psalm.  Thank him for one thing mentioned.  Praise him, saying, "Lord, you are. . . .")

Midday

And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me.  But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.  

Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to sin! Such things must come, but woe to the man through whom they come!  If your hand or your foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life maimed or crippled than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into eternal fire.  And if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell.  (Matthew 18:5-9)

(Think about welcoming a child or receiving someone as a guest.  Ponder the difference between that welcome as leading them astray or trapping them.)

Evening

In our ordinary religious teaching, the second aspect [humility from being a sinner] has been too exclusively put in the foreground, so that some have even gone to the extreme of saying that we must keep sinning if we are indeed to keep humble. Others again have thought that the strength of self-condemnation is the secret of humility. And the Christian life has suffered loss, where believers have not been distinctly guided to see that, even in our relation as creatures, nothing is more natural and beautiful and blessed than to be nothing, that God may be all; or where it has not been made clear that it is not sin that humbles most, but grace, and that it is the soul, led through its sinfulness to be occupied with God in His wonderful glory as God, as Creator and Redeemer, that will truly take the lowest place before Him.  (Andrew Murray, Humility, Introduction)


(How has God humbled you through his grace as opposed to through your sin?  What needs to be pruned from your life so that you can accept this grace for yourself and for others?)

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The law of Moses has long seemed a scattered collection of almost random laws and sayings to me.  I have not taken it too seriously because I have thought it had little to do with the gospel I now live under.  I have even thought that the law is opposed to the gospel.  Between these influences, I did not take much time or effort to understand the law, the wisdom, or the prophets.


Meditating on Psalm 119 changed all of that.  I saw and heard their love of God and his law.  I began to realize that the God who wrote the law was the same as the God of Jesus.  I began to realize that when he "made known his ways to Moses," his ways were "compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in love."  I saw that this was the way to understand the law and my God.  He is a God of grace.

The harshest punishments come to people who lead others astray.  A person who takes advantage of another person's trust, especially a child's, is severely punished.  In God's kingdom, this is also the case.  Jesus rightly saw that a humble person is also a vulnerable person.  Vulnerability is  an essential part of humility.  It also draws me into God's grace.


One of the most wonderful aspects of grace is how it frees me from self-condemnation and self-absorption.  Grace opens my heart up to gratitude.  Grace opens my eyes to the goodness of God's ways.  Grace allows me to rest in God.  When my sin is my focus, I find regret instead of gratitude, God's ways worry me, and I am restless.  I think vulnerability will help me to receive this grace instead of being preoccupied with my sin.


So I see this movement.  As I come to understand that God's ways are full of compassion and grace, I am willing to be vulnerable.  As I become more vulnerable, I can face my sin by embracing God's grace.  When I step out on the strength of God's grace, I am once again amazed at how he faithfully responds and upholds me.  God's grace and my vulnerability work together to form a life of praise and thanksgiving.


Lord, open my eyes to your compassionate ways.  Open my heart with vulnerability to you.  Fill me with your grace and wash out my sin.  Let me live to worship you.  Amen.