Virtue and Shame

Devtional Classics, Richard Rolle, Excerpt from The Fire of Love

"The eager love of the wicked. . . is always for what is shameful. They have ceased from all spiritual exercise, or at least are flabby and feeble. Their love has no pattern, being given more to things that are of this world than of the next, more to bodies than to souls." (p.163)

Isn't it amazing that I can love something shameful? It seems almost a contradiction in terms. Things that inspire love are beautiful, true, right, and good, not shameful. So how does this desire get planted in my heart?

Perhaps one reason is that shameful things are easy things. Almost without exception. The only thing that makes them difficult is the effort to look good while trying to do them. Then comes the lying, hiding, accusing, etc. Loving shameful things is like walking downhill, going along the broad road and the wide gate. Cruising.

Maybe another appeal to shameful things is how I can "fall into them" without planning or thinking things through. No exercise is needed, just relax and enjoy the ride. Somehow, such things just "come up" easily without any intention to do them at all. They seem to look for me, so I do not have to look for them.

Perhaps they are more available. No waiting. Live in the now. They involve what belongs to this age, what is right here, right now. There is little need for hope and expectation. The things of this world, this age are so easy to come by, while the things of the Age to Come are much harder to find, seemingly.

Maybe the pull of my body is so strong, that shameful things are inevitable. My soul seems to be a wispy, immaterial thing meant for another day, another time, another life. The demands of the body are so obvious, so powerful, so hard to ignore. When the body calls, very few people will question its needs. I can excuse my love of shameful things and even call them "bodily needs," like getting hungry or thirsty. Who can deny that?

And yet there is that nagging feeling of shame with the the sobering thought of "Maybe this isn't a good idea." If the love of shameful things is all so inevitable, where does that come from? Merely a nagging superego, a left-over parent who doesn't know when to be quiet? Social and cultural pressure? Maybe. Not all the voices in my head are true.

Then there is the possibility of evil. My soul may be bent out of shape so that I do what I do not want to do, as Paul writes about in Romans 7. I find that I am not in control of my life. Parts of my life are opposed to another, so I do shameful things, things I do not want to do. This is a broken soul: one that does not bring my life together, but makes my feelings and my thoughts serve desires I do not want to have.

"What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me?" Paul exclaims in exasperation in Romans 7. It certainly seems to have the upper hand. Virtue may not be natural, like these shameful things, but one of the great rewards of a virtuous life is the lack of shame. The lack of shame is not necessitate self-righteousness. Really I find that self-righteousness is a defensive posture that works hand in hand with shame.

No, freedom from shame through virtue brings the opposite of what these desires for shameful things bring. Instead of being feeble and flabby from lack of spiritual exercise, there is a sense of spiritual strength and wholeness. Instead of being blown here and there by every wind of desire, life and love have a pattern and a meaning. Instead of merely living in this present evil age, the Age to Come breaks into this existence, showing the "world" is not all-encompassing, but really a small rebellious faction that will be removed in time. Instead of following bodily desires around to the point of distraction and misery, my soul takes form so that the parts of my life - my thoughts, my feelings, my body as well - begin to work together for good instead of pulling in opposite directions with disparate desires.

Lord, I see the good news from you is that the horizons of virtue have expanded through Jesus. No longer is virtue isolated to religious moments or to just the right kind of people, but now it is open to every moment in my life and to everyone who would follow Jesus. Christ is the pattern of life and of love that can make virtue a powerful presence in my life. Free me from shame, feebleness, and flabbiness in my spirit by the grace present through your Spirit and by the hope present in Jesus, my Father. Amen.

Shame can spiral me down into further degradation. I get ashamed so I need my "fix." Instead, I want to let my experience of shame propel me into the hope of a life without shame. I will let me shame be my guide into what areas of my life need a "work out." (After all, aren't I supposed to "work out" my salvation?)