STUCK
After receiving good instruction and encouragement at church or a conference, I am eager to try to get going with something new or releasing something destructive. I think of all sorts of strategies and ideas about how good change could be. When I come back to my life, however, I find I am in "the stuck." The ideas don't seem to want to get started in my everyday life. The old habits just seem too hard to overcome and new habits don't seem so appealing when I'm alone at work or tired at home.
A person has to be thoroughly disgusted with the way things are to find motivation to set out on the Christian way. As long as we think the next election might eliminate crime and establish justice or another scientific breakthrough might save the environment or another pay raise might push us over the edge of anxiety into a life of tranquility, we are not likely to risk the arduous uncertainties of the life of faith. A person has to get fed up with the ways of the world before he, before she, acquires an appetite for the world of grace. (Eugene Peterson, A Long Obedience in the Same Direction, 25)
A good idea, then, is not enough. I vague hope will not propel me into a changed life. Something else has to happen. It does not need to be dramatic, but often it feels that way. It is not so much a matter of feeling as it is a resolved will. "It is the turning point marking the transition from a dreamy nostalgia for a better life to a rugged pilgrimage of discipleship in faith, from complaining about how bad things are to pursuing all things good." (28)
NO BEFORE YES
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| thegospelcoalition.org |
This decision is what the Bible calls repentance. "A 'No' that is a 'Yes'" as Peterson puts it. (29) I think I am put off by the negative part at times. I think I can just add more to my already full plate. I think I can just squeeze faith in next to my hobbies and work and family time. John the Baptist came to clear the path for the Messiah. Jesus basic message was "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near!" Both knew that my life is always more cluttered than I think and that much of it is not compatible with a life of faith. "Repentance is a realization that what God wants from you and what you want from God are not going to be achieved by doing the same old things, thinking the same old thoughts. Repentance is a decision to follow Jesus Christ and become his pilgrim in the path of peace." (30)
When I finally get around to repentance, I face an even greater danger. The strength of my resolve brings an expectation for immediate results. I want to change now. Such changes are like the seed that fell in the shallow soil in Jesus' parable of the sower and the seeds. It grows up fast, but dies off quickly. Depth is needed. The soil has to be broken up and worked over. Fast changes usually only yield disappointment. The path is a long road, not a runner's sprint.
I've been learning how to start small and even test things out. I try not to let my resolve move me into commitments I cannot keep. The influence and power of God usually work into my life like yeast works through dough, with a lot of kneading. A little bit can go a long way if it is done with faithfulness and in love. I've often told my kids that five minutes of real devotion before God is worth hours of distracted or dissatisfied acts of charity or devotion. Sometimes it takes a while to really stand before God and seek his face because of all of the clutter in my life, though.
Repentance is the beginning. A "No" that moves me from self-satisfaction to brokenness, from worry to hope, from oppression to challenge.
Lord, I do not want to be cynical, but I do want to learn how to die to the world so I might live in you, with you, and for you. Keep me from quick changes that only tire me out. Allow my repentance to be the beginning of refreshing times with you. Amen.
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