The Dangers of Being Right: Teresa's Third Mansion

Our outward comportment and behaviour may be better than theirs, but this, though good, is not the most important thing: there is no reason why we should expect everyone else to travel by our own road, and we should not attempt to point them to the spiritual path when perhaps we do not know what it is.  (Teresa of Avila, St.; Peers, E. Allison (2010-10-07). Interior Castle (Kindle Locations 923-925). Wilder Publications. Kindle Edition.)

In many ways, the discovery that I have done something right proves a greater danger than when I have been proved wrong.  Such goodness, when handled poorly, can lead into a false martyrdom and perfectionism.  By the grace of God and the guidance of Jesus, goodness and virtue can lead to further growth and closer relations with God.

One pitfall before a person who has overcome sin in his life is becoming a self-made martyr.  "They brood over their woes and make up their minds that they are suffering for God's sake, and thus never really understand that it is all due to their own imperfection."  (ibid, Kindle Locations 820-821) Wilder Publications. Kindle Edition.)  The blessing of security in the conscience that comes with a triumph over sin can lead to great disappointment at failures afterward.  Instead of gaining a clearer perception of myself, I blame other people and circumstances for my difficulties.  Humility shows itself as a "healing balm" when I learn to leave the world of prestige and comparison.  It's best to always consider myself a learner and novice, especially when there are triumphs in my life.

wholepsychiatry.com

This "martyrdom" is closely related to perfectionism.  With the benefit of practicing good and virtuous actions comes the idea of teaching others.  Although teaching is not in itself a bad thing at all, when it comes from restlessness and a desire for everyone else to "live as well-ordered a life as they do themselves"  (ibid, Kindle Locations 847-848), it often results in meddling and even self-righteousness.  The spiritual life becomes one in which I go and get from God so I can go and get other people to feel or to do certain things.  I look for consolations from God more than learning how to give in to his work and his ways.

Perfectionism does not grow, but gets more deeply entrenched in the comfortable ruts of what I think I'm good at or what other people think I'm good at.  Actually it is characterized by great fear and ends in depression.  True growth in Christ consists in the increase of love.  Looking for role models and instructors can help disarm perfectionism and deepen humility.

It is a great encouragement to see that things which we thought impossible are possible to others, and how easily these others do them. It makes us feel that we may emulate their flights and venture to fly ourselves, as the young birds do when their parents teach them; they are not yet ready for great flights but they gradually learn to imitate their parents.(ibid, Kindle Locations 912-915)

Ultimately the way out comes with love.  Both self-martyrdom and perfectionism have the quality of caution.  They carefully measure effort toward God for the sake of comparison or out of fear.

Their love is not yet ardent enough to overwhelm their reason. How I wish ours would make us dissatisfied with this habit of always serving God at a snail's pace! As long as we do that we shall never get to the end of the road. And as we seem to be walking along and getting fatigued all the time -- for, believe me, it is an exhausting road -- we shall be very lucky if we escape getting lost.  (ibid, Kindle Locations 862-864)

blog.heatspring.com

Instead of joy, they find worry.  Instead of peace, alarm at every turn.  The consolations that come from God become the reward for duty instead of sign posts on the journey.  Blaming others becomes the primary way of dealing with suffering instead of closer kinship with Jesus.  The growth of virtue and goodness leads naturally to a great love of God and others.  It is this love that propels us ever deeper into prayer and leaving our desires behind.  Without this love, maintaining any virtue will prove impossible.

I am amused about writing about self-martyrdom and perfectionism.  Might I not be falling into this very trap by trying to explain it?  Certainly.  It is the spirit behind the thoughts and ideas and sentences that will prove them right or wrong.  I have already fallen into this trap on a number of occasions.  I speak from experience.  The question is: will I find the grace to leave it behind and move forward into God's great house, into his great love?  The grace is up to God.  The waiting and anticipating is up to me.

Lord, may I find patience at the door of your castle and not become restless.  May I find peace at your door and the generosity to allow others to come as you see fit.  Let my ways be encouragement to those close to me, especially as I find my place as a fellow student with them.  Amen.

Overcoming Prayer: Teresa's Third Mansion

It is really a perfect misery to be alive when we have always to be going about like men with enemies at their gates, who cannot lay aside their arms even when sleeping or eating, and are always afraid of being surprised by a breaching of their fortress in some weak spot. Oh, my Lord and my God! How canst Thou wish us to desire such a miserable life as that?

(Teresa of Avila, St.; Peers, E. Allison (2010-10-07). Interior Castle (Kindle Locations 729-731). Wilder Publications. Kindle Edition.)

when2pray.net

A great moment in the life of a disciple of Jesus is the moment of overcoming.  In that moment grace is found to be sufficient for more than mere forgiveness.  In that moment God's pity on my ruined life is not the top rung of the ladder of spiritual growth.  In that moment I find that God grants some security in this life and that spiritual dryness does not always have to lead to backsliding.

One of the greatest barriers for spiritual growth in my life is the suspicion that things will never get better and will always get harder.  The struggle against the "pet sins" in my life have seemed to be endless.  The simple reason is that I have returned to them instead of leaving them.  In order to get over this "hump," I have needed a few things.  First, I needed to know that it is possible in God's grace to overcome sins in my life.  Next, I have needed to move beyond the desire to change into some real plans and actions.  Finally, as I began to overcome, I have experienced and reflected on a "security of conscience," as Teresa calls it. In this security I am not always armed and fearing "the enemy at the gates," but able to look forward and ahead to what God has worked out next in my life.

I have also had to come to terms with spiritual dryness in my prayer life.  As long as I blame God or circumstances for this dryness, I fall back into other forms of comfort, even sinful ones.  I have had to admit that such dryness comes mostly from how I want to deepen my practice of prayer and relinquish sins in my life, but do not take the steps to do it.  Like the rich young man who came before Jesus, I hesitate to so what he asks.  Even when I have ventured to "try out" what is needed, I lack the patience to wait at the door of the King.  I think I deserve to be invited immediately in.  Really this dryness is a time when I will develop either humility or restlessness, depending on my attitude toward the Lord.

livingameaningfulllife

Overcoming has not so much to do with the enemies outside, but the enemies within.  Although I must first want to overcome sins in my life, I must move beyond desire into intention and action.  An overcoming life will look different from one that does not even if the desires are similar.  Spiritual dryness tests such desire.  When trust moves my heart away from restlessness, I will find that God will give "peace and resignation to His will," even if prayers continue in dryness for a time.  Such peace will be more welcome than even great moments of prayer.

I must desire to move from struggle into God's security enough to take action with God in my life.  He will meet me there.  I must not mistake spiritual dryness for God's lack of concern and attention, but as a moment to be humble before him, waiting for his response and strength to endure.  God's overcoming grace will come.  My part is not to leave the door before it opens.  "Do not suppose God has any need of our works; what He needs is the resoluteness of our will."  (ibid, 790-791)

Lord, grant me the grace to be an over-comer, a permanent pillar in your temple worshiping and praising you.  Amen.

Planting for Prayer: Teresa's Second Mansion

Entering into the practice of prayer quickly brings me face to face with sin in my life.  Ignoring sin inevitably leaves my prayer life disabled and dark.  My understanding of God will be confused  at best because of the shroud that covers my mind.   "Although the Sun Himself, Who has given it all its splendour and beauty, is still there in the centre of the soul, it is as if He were not there for any participation which the soul has in Him, though it is as capable of enjoying Him as is the crystal of reflecting the sun."  (Teresa of Avila, St.; Peers, E. Allison (2010-10-07). Interior Castle (Kindle Locations 441-443). Wilder Publications. Kindle Edition.)  Denial of sin is one of the great diseases of the soul.  It is cured through a living knowledge of what we are, who we are, and what we fight.

ingodsimage.com

People are beautiful and well-built.  "In speaking of the soul we must always think of it as spacious, ample and lofty; and this can be done without the least exaggeration, for the soul's capacity is much greater than we can realize, and this Sun, Which is in the palace, reaches every part of it." We are built as a home for God.   The beauty and usefulness of each person as a dwelling for God cannot be overemphasized.  People are like trees planted by water.  We draw our life from outside of ourselves.  We are not self-sufficient.  We are made to work in cooperation with God.  As we move into prayer, we need to be drawing from God and his grace, a "spring of life. . . .  On the other hand, through its own fault, leaves this spring and becomes rooted in a pool of pitch-black, evil-smelling water, it produces nothing but misery and filth."  Because of this condition, people need pity.  God gives us pity.  Without pity, we cannot find grace.  Without God's grace, we cannot find prayer.  We are well-made.  We draw our life from outside ourselves.  We need pity to grow.  This is what we are.

Self-knowledge governed by God grows into humility.  We can never have enough humility.  We always need to return to the work of humility, taming the desires of the body, the desires for recognition, and pride in what I do.  We can only be lifted to the heights of prayer from the stable foundation of humility.  We must not take this task on ourselves.   "Although. . . it is through the abundant mercy of God that the soul studies to know itself, yet one can have too much of a good thing, as the saying goes, and believe me, we shall reach much greater heights of virtue by thinking upon the virtue of God than if we stay in our own little plot of ground and tie ourselves down to it completely."  Self-knowledge can only be found in knowing God.  Each person will only find who they are through humility.  We must return to the work of humility frequently.  The best place to find humility is in knowing God more and more.

ingodsimage.com

Pride blinds us to what and who are are.  Pride causes us to think that we are the center of the universe.  We are god.  We forget Who dwells in us, where we draw our life from, and our need for pity.  "What a state the poor rooms of [this soul] are in! How distracted are the senses which inhabit them! And the faculties, which are their governors and butlers and stewards -- how blind they are and how ill-controlled! And yet, after all, what kind of fruit can one expect to be borne by a tree rooted in the devil?"  Pride makes us into mere consumers needing to be entertained.

This seems to me to be the condition of a soul which, though not in a bad state, is so completely absorbed in things of the world and so deeply immersed, as I have said, in possessions or honours or business, that, although as a matter of fact it would like to gaze at the castle and enjoy its beauty, it is prevented from doing so, and seems quite unable to free itself from all these impediments.

 Finally, in our blindness, our love for God and other people grows cold.  We do not see our true neediness.  We do not see how knowing God will help us understand ourselves.  Pride is what we fight.

The beginning work of prayer lies in understanding how wonderful we are and yet how each person needs pity to grow.  Such understanding draws us into humility before God, the only place where we can truly know who God is and who we are.  Humility arms us against pride which destroys our life and soul through isolation from God and other people and blind self-destruction.  Praying to God begins this work and continues far beyond it.  Lord, open our eyes to you so that we might open our lives to you and dig deeply into conversation with you and real love for you.  Amen.