The Dangers of Being Right: Teresa's Third Mansion

Our outward comportment and behaviour may be better than theirs, but this, though good, is not the most important thing: there is no reason why we should expect everyone else to travel by our own road, and we should not attempt to point them to the spiritual path when perhaps we do not know what it is.  (Teresa of Avila, St.; Peers, E. Allison (2010-10-07). Interior Castle (Kindle Locations 923-925). Wilder Publications. Kindle Edition.)

In many ways, the discovery that I have done something right proves a greater danger than when I have been proved wrong.  Such goodness, when handled poorly, can lead into a false martyrdom and perfectionism.  By the grace of God and the guidance of Jesus, goodness and virtue can lead to further growth and closer relations with God.

One pitfall before a person who has overcome sin in his life is becoming a self-made martyr.  "They brood over their woes and make up their minds that they are suffering for God's sake, and thus never really understand that it is all due to their own imperfection."  (ibid, Kindle Locations 820-821) Wilder Publications. Kindle Edition.)  The blessing of security in the conscience that comes with a triumph over sin can lead to great disappointment at failures afterward.  Instead of gaining a clearer perception of myself, I blame other people and circumstances for my difficulties.  Humility shows itself as a "healing balm" when I learn to leave the world of prestige and comparison.  It's best to always consider myself a learner and novice, especially when there are triumphs in my life.

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This "martyrdom" is closely related to perfectionism.  With the benefit of practicing good and virtuous actions comes the idea of teaching others.  Although teaching is not in itself a bad thing at all, when it comes from restlessness and a desire for everyone else to "live as well-ordered a life as they do themselves"  (ibid, Kindle Locations 847-848), it often results in meddling and even self-righteousness.  The spiritual life becomes one in which I go and get from God so I can go and get other people to feel or to do certain things.  I look for consolations from God more than learning how to give in to his work and his ways.

Perfectionism does not grow, but gets more deeply entrenched in the comfortable ruts of what I think I'm good at or what other people think I'm good at.  Actually it is characterized by great fear and ends in depression.  True growth in Christ consists in the increase of love.  Looking for role models and instructors can help disarm perfectionism and deepen humility.

It is a great encouragement to see that things which we thought impossible are possible to others, and how easily these others do them. It makes us feel that we may emulate their flights and venture to fly ourselves, as the young birds do when their parents teach them; they are not yet ready for great flights but they gradually learn to imitate their parents.(ibid, Kindle Locations 912-915)

Ultimately the way out comes with love.  Both self-martyrdom and perfectionism have the quality of caution.  They carefully measure effort toward God for the sake of comparison or out of fear.

Their love is not yet ardent enough to overwhelm their reason. How I wish ours would make us dissatisfied with this habit of always serving God at a snail's pace! As long as we do that we shall never get to the end of the road. And as we seem to be walking along and getting fatigued all the time -- for, believe me, it is an exhausting road -- we shall be very lucky if we escape getting lost.  (ibid, Kindle Locations 862-864)

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Instead of joy, they find worry.  Instead of peace, alarm at every turn.  The consolations that come from God become the reward for duty instead of sign posts on the journey.  Blaming others becomes the primary way of dealing with suffering instead of closer kinship with Jesus.  The growth of virtue and goodness leads naturally to a great love of God and others.  It is this love that propels us ever deeper into prayer and leaving our desires behind.  Without this love, maintaining any virtue will prove impossible.

I am amused about writing about self-martyrdom and perfectionism.  Might I not be falling into this very trap by trying to explain it?  Certainly.  It is the spirit behind the thoughts and ideas and sentences that will prove them right or wrong.  I have already fallen into this trap on a number of occasions.  I speak from experience.  The question is: will I find the grace to leave it behind and move forward into God's great house, into his great love?  The grace is up to God.  The waiting and anticipating is up to me.

Lord, may I find patience at the door of your castle and not become restless.  May I find peace at your door and the generosity to allow others to come as you see fit.  Let my ways be encouragement to those close to me, especially as I find my place as a fellow student with them.  Amen.