Virtue and Temptation Again

Devotional Classics, Teresa of Avila, Excerpts from Interior Castle

It is at this stage that the devils will attack the soul with the earthly pleasures of this world, like snakes who bite with deadly poison.  They trick the soul into thinking that such pleasures will last an eternity; they remind the soul of the high esteem in which it is held in the world; they place before it the many friends and relatives who will disagree with the manner of life you have now begun. . . .

 When you feel the beginnings of temptation, do not fight back with strenuous efforts, but rather, gently begin a time of prayer and recollection.  At first it will be difficult, but after a while you will be able to do ti easily, and for long periods of time.

Do not think that you must stop doing your work in order to pray.  The Lord will turn all of our work time into profit as long as we continue in a spirit of prayer.  There is no remedy for the temptations that we face except to start at the beginning, and the beginning is prayer.  The only way to lose is to turn back. (pp.197, 199)

Looking at this picture of Teresa of Avila, I am reminded of her monastic life.  She was a nun from age 19.  I have had mixed feelings about this.  On the one hand, the life in a convent was so unlike my own, and so unlike that of Jesus and his disciples.  Most people have jobs and work and raise families.  On the other hand, the dedication and concentration that she and others like her devoted to prayer makes me admire her, as I would a scientist doing research for a cure to a dreaded disease.  In the end both have made my life seem mundane and distant from the one she talks about because of its distance from monastic life and because of my lack of concentration on the matters that Teresa dedicated her life to.

If I seek to remove some of the "monkish wrappings" from her words and thoughts, I find that she is not speaking about the life of a recluse or hermit in particular, but about life in general.  The monastic influence places some barriers in front of my understanding and appreciating what she has to say, but I also believe that my own lack of desire to seek God with all that I am plays no small part in my hesitation to accept her words and learn from them.  This is the nature of "early stages" of prayer, as she puts it.  The lack of desire to leave temptation ans sin behind has kept me from seeking God numerous times.

This is not something that I became aware of until I saw it in hindsight.  When I was in the middle of these temptations, I did not recognize many of them to be temptations at all, but just "how I am."  Because I didn't recognize temptation, I did not recognize how much I was sinning against God and other people.  I was in a place where I prayed, though, asking for forgiveness for the sins that caught my attention because I was caught  doing them, or because my life was suffering so obviously from them.  Mostly, I was aware of my sin through the eyes of other people who reacted to the sins or the results of those sins.

The beginning of dealing with temptation was in confession.  Looking back and regretting my actions was where I started much of my prayer life.  It wasn't that I was never thankful or did not give honor to God, but my love and appreciation were never very deep in my life as long as I was dealing with temptation on the tail end, after I had sinned.

I write about this as past, not because I do not ever deal with temptation this way any more, but because I have found other ways of dealing with temptation through prayer other than confessing and repenting of sins I commit.  It began with the great desire to be free from certain sins and the temptations that precede them.  Confessing becomes tiring and insincere when I do not long to be free from such sins in my life.  Instead of giving up and calling my sins inevitable, I began to seek for other ways out of this stage of prayer and my life with God.

Teresa is right about the devil resisting this move.  Certainly my own flesh - my natural abilities - were so used to giving in that temptation seemed insurmountable.  One of the works of the devil that Jesus came to destroy (1 John 3:8)  was flesh, that is, reliance on my own natural abilities apart from God.  Satan tempts me to work on my own, either rationalizing my sins or fighting against them with all my might.  Either way I fail, because I feed the flesh and desire rather than strengthening my resolve to wait on God and humbly do as he says.

This is why Teresa's advice about gentle prayer rings so true for me.  She uses another word as well: "recollection."  This is recalling the thoughts and feelings of God at the time of temptation.  It can be memorized scripture, familiar hymns, the cross, the feeling of God's presence, or just getting back to work.  Such "recollection" mixed with asking God for help provide another way out of temptation rather than confession.  So when temptation comes as a thought and an inclination to sin, I can redirect my mind toward God through recollection and asking for his help.  This made me aware of how temptation precedes sins in my life and needs to be monitored closely.  "Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation." (Matthew 26:41)

I found quickly that "parroting" a prayer or Bible verse does not amount to recollection or prayer.  Such things cannot be used like magic to adjust the faults I am particularly ashamed of.  They are part of a larger life that goes on when I am not being tempted.  If my mind is filled with thoughts and feelings that quickly lead to temptation and sin, then a little song or Bible verse or even prayer will not change my direction easily or consistently.  I found that I needed thoughts and feelings about God that were at least as compelling and powerful as the other thoughts and feelings I was having.  Guilt was not enough.  It often worked against me.  Instead I needed joy and peace in God himself.


What I found was that prayer and recollection involve many aspects of my life.  I cannot get fixed without being changed.  This is why in order to leave behind the "earlier stages" of prayer and life with God, I needed to become aware of my temptations and sins enough to realize that they are not momentary lapses, but indicative of how my life is lived, of what inhabits my thoughts and feelings, of what my body is prepared to do without thinking, and of how distracted and confused are the depths of my being.  I pulled on the string of my momentary lapses and found a spider web of connections throughout my whole life.

Now I am learning about another way to fight temptation and grow in my life with God.  I have not left confession or recollection and prayer behind, but have found that they lay the foundation for something else.  This is doing all things in a "spirit of prayer."

I had thought I could jump to this after reading some about it and skip or do without confession, recollection, and prayer, but have found instead that these actions point to something all-pervasive and all-encompassing that I need in my life.  Teresa is right in saying that I have to start at the beginning.  It is starting with prayer and continuing on with it.  Confession begins this journey.  Recollection and petition sustain it.  The goal of it is "abiding" with God, as John puts it (John 15), or having the "spirit of prayer," according to Teresa.

I am writing mostly about what I have heard and read and not so much experienced here.  In the realm of temptation, this kind of prayer brings a person to a place where it does not evil does not even occur to them.  As Dallas Willard puts it, "A person is only as good as what doesn't enter their minds."  (paraphrase)  Obviously, this is not to be free from temptation, since Jesus himself was not free from it.  Rather it is to have it be far less frequent because of what the mind is occupied with.  Satan can intrude with thoughts of temptation, but often these would be discarded as uninteresting or ludicrous.

I know there are some temptations that have always seemed that way to me.  For myself, getting drunk has never been a temptation for me.  Although the thought was there, there was hardly any inclination.  It never really "made sense" to me.  I have seen some things for which I have a strong inclination begin to fade because of what I am interested in, dedicated to, and hoping for in my life.

Occasionally, the thoughts and actions that help me resist may be very mundane things, but mostly, they have had to be charged with love in order to stand up to temptation.  What I mean is that temptation is fixed on my own desire apart from the good of God and everyone else.  When love begins to take root, I choose God and his goodness more than what I want and so the inclination of temptation decreases.  Only love is strong enough to thwart my desires, which are strengthened by my flesh, teased by the devil, and imposed by the peer pressure of this world.  Love must be separated from desire and be understood as "willing what is good."  Such love is what I really need and truly desire more than merely getting what I want.

I see that how I have worked with temptation indicates where I am in my walk with God.  If the main place I deal with temptation is through confession, then I am just starting.  Moving forward from this place begins with the desire to overcome temptation.  This is brought about by God's grace.  He makes me aware of my need.

The next "stage" is one where I respond to temptation before I sin through direct means.  I recollect and pray in the face of temptation.  This is a huge step and is accompanied by a lot of resistance.  For this reason, it is easy to give up and go back to just confessing.  This is the only way to fail.  By moving forward, I believe I am guaranteed victory, since God wants me to draw near to him and be free from sin.  Giving up indicates what I think about God.

Finally, recollection and prayer start to become ingrained as habits and desires, so that there is much less room for temptation in the mind and much less inclination for temptation in the body.  Instead of being the central focus, whether as an object of desire or an object of guilt and hatred, temptation becomes less interesting and "slips the mind" due to the fascination and delight in God and his work.

Lord, I write and write, but I feel that I can never quite explain what it is to be near you and say, "How precious to me are your thoughts, O God; how vast the sum of them!"  I enjoy the research that people like Teresa have performed and recorded in what it is to walk with you.  May I learn and grow as they did.  Amen.


I meant to be more short and sweet with this, but I ended up outlining my life and struggle with temptation.  As usual, I am short on concrete examples, so I end up swimming in abstractions.  However, this was very important as I realize more of what temptation is and how I can deal with it so that God might be who I want to be with as well as who I want to be like.

Virtue and Perseverance

Devotional Classics, Teresa of Avila, Excerpts from Interior Castle

I feel I must repeat this important point: at the beginning we must not become content with the consolations we may receive at the early stages [of prayer].  That would be like building our house on sand.  At this stage you are beginning to build a beautiful castle, and you must build it on strong virtues, not on temporary consolations.  Neither should we complain about a lack of consolation at this stage.  Rather embrace the Cross which Jesus bore upon his shoulders and realize that this Cross is yours to carry too.  We are free in the same measure we are able to suffer. (p. 198)

If then, you sometimes fall, so not lose heart.  Even more, do not cease striving to make progress from it, for even out of your fall God will bring some good. . . .  Our sins can have the effect of leading us back to God and striving all the more.  (p.198)

 The only way to overcome temptation and sin is through perseverance.  Do not give up!  This is the difference between marriage and divorce, heroes and villains, joy and apathy.  When overcoming becomes a habit, trials and temptations bring joy.  (James 1:1)

Teresa explains the temptation to give up by using an allegory.  She describes the various stages of coming to know God by using the image of a castle with many rooms.  As a person grows, he moves from one room to another.  Not persevering leads to remaining in a room or even leaving the castle of knowing God altogether.

Three things can keep me from persevering: consolation, desolation, and temptation.  The first is early success.  Teresa's "consolations" are times in which God shows up and often dramatically.  "Mountain-top" spiritual experiences are wonderful, but trap me because I am tempted to go back to find them.  There is nothing wrong with enjoying powerful experiences with God, but as C. S. Lewis says, the most dangerous word here is, "Encore!"

I love how Teresa ties this with building my life ("house") on sand.  My experience of God's goodness fluctuates for many reasons.  The sure foundation is not a particular kind of experience with God, but a particular kind of character in myself from being with God.  That character is called virtuous.  It is when the goodness of God begins to form in my habits and daily living.  That is the "rock" to build life on: obedience to Christ's commands by his strength.

The reason I become trapped by consolations is because I value the experience more than the growth in character and virtue that I may obtain through such an experience.  Consolations are inevitable in a walk with a God who longs to satisfy the desires of my heart.  I have to hold them lightly, though.  The thought that helps me let them go is realizing that the best is yet to come.  Perseverance is letting go of such consolations because of the desire to press "onward and upward" into being good more than just experiencing good.

The second barrier to perseverance comes from "desolations."  This is a lack of consolation.  Desert times, dry spells, and boredom show up in desolation.  Spiritual aridity causes many people to turn back in their walk with God.  I find that I may wonder if I took a wrong turn somewhere and try to review and relive past experiences in order to find God's consolation.  "Encore" again.

I have come through these times of desolation by not giving in to fear.  Even if I don't sense him, God is near and will not abandon me.  Even if I have taken a wrong turn, the best thing to do when lost is to stay put.  Wait on God for rescue from these times in the wilderness.  Usually, I find that he continues to grant consolations in these times, but they are quieter and more easily over looked.  Instead of an ocean of joy and power I may sense in a spiritually "high" moment, I am treated with a small oasis of hope or peace.  It is no wonder that these "small" consolations can be even more meaningful that "big" ones just because of where they occur - in the desert.  The contrast heightens their force.

My worst sins creep out in times of desolation.  The desire to elicit feeling - any feeling - is strong when the days seem gray and God, far away.  This is where fear comes in and where my faith and trust is God is tested.  He usually comes relatively quickly, within and hour or two of my cry for help and often immediately.  He grants small assurances of his presence and love that point to better times with him.  Remembering his faithfulness helps a lot more than aching for better times and experiences.

Finally, temptation wears away at perseverance.  Temptations come as thoughts with an inclination or desire to fulfill the thoughts.  When such thoughts are harbored or acted upon, they become sin.  Before the action or the holding on to the temptation, it is not sin, just temptation.  These can be overcome.

The best way to overcomes them is to have other thoughts.  I need to fill my mind with other things than the thoughts that are tempting.  With this thoughts may come, but usually they are without much inclination because my attention is focused elsewhere.

Second best is to turn from such thoughts immediately when they occur.  The stronger my inclination, the quicker I have to turn away from such thoughts.  This is where memorized sections of the Bible come into play.  Also hymns and songs of praise can help divert my mind away from temptation.  Also rather mundane activities like good work and good play can redirect my mind toward God and his goodness.

Finally, the last way to overcome temptation is to confess when I have been overcome and strive to make progress from it.  Although this last way seems like defeat, it is only defeat if I let it discourage me enough to give up or deny that I have sinned.  As hard as it is, confession is best practiced with a another trusted person who can remind me of God's love and forgiveness.  In the face of failure, I need forgiveness to be able to make any progress from my sin.  Other people can speak through the hurt, emptiness, and self-doubt I may have when I am in a "failure mode."

Recently, I gave into a temptation that plagues me.  Filled with self-hatred and fear, I could not see a way out without the help of another person.  Sometimes I need help even to cry out to God.  From this I learned about spiritual death.  Such death contains a never-ending amount of self-hatred, or "weeping and gnashing of teeth" to use the metaphor.  It is to be caught in such a place with no hope of escape.  Self-hatred yields self-destruction, whether slow or fast.  Self-hatred is one of the indicators of giving up and lacking perseverance.  In this case, I was given a new thought and motivation to help me stay away from temptation.

I see how consolations, "desolations," and temptations can become barriers to perseverance.  The only way out is to develop a virtuous character under God's guiding, graceful hand.  Here is how Jesus put it:

While a large crowd was gathering and people were coming to Jesus from town after town, he told this parable: “A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path; it was trampled on, and the birds of the air ate it up. Some fell on rock, and when it came up, the plants withered because they had no moisture. Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up with it and choked the plants. Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up and yielded a crop, a hundred times more than was sown.” When he said this, he called out, “He who has ears to hear, let him hear . . .”

“This is the meaning of the parable: The seed is the word of God. Those along the path are the ones who hear, and then the devil comes and takes away the word from their hearts [desolation], so that they may not believe and be saved  Those on the rock are the ones who receive the word with joy when they hear it [consolation], but they have no root [character]. They believe for a while, but in the time of testing they fall away.  The seed that fell among thorns stands for those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by life’s worries, riches and pleasures, [temptations] and they do not mature. But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart [virtuous character], who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop. (Luke 8:4-15)

Lord, grant me a noble and good heart that thinks on you above all else and hears you, that stays with you even when bored or discouraged, and that perseveres through all sorts of temptations, even when I fall to them.  Let me be an overcomer and not give up!  Amen.

Like so many things in life, the key to success in a life with God is just showing up and not giving up.  By God's grace and mercy, we can do it.

Virtue and Temptation

Devotional Classics, Thomas a Kempis, The Imitation of Christ

"Many have tried to escape  temptations only to find that they more grievously fall into them.  We cannot win this battle by running away alone; the key to victory is true humility and patience; in them we overcome the enemy.  If we merely turn away from temptation outwardly and do not strike at the root, we will make very little progress.  In fact, you will find that the temptations will return more quickly and powerfully, and you will feel even worse.  Little by little, through patient endurance of spirit (with the help of God), you will win a better victory than by your own determination.  The beginning of all evil temptations is an unstable mind and a small trust in God."  (p.185)

The trouble with temptation is that "wherever you go, there you are."  Temptation lives in my desire and I take my desire with me wherever I go.  It is a thought accompanied by a sense of pleasure.  These occur with some regularity throughout my day.

One relief is that temptation is not in itself wrong.  My will has not been brought to bear.  I have not made a choice. . . yet.  When I mistake temptation for sin, I live a defeated life and misunderstand the nature of spiritual growth and salvation.  I will not be saved from temptation in this life, any more than Jesus was.  However, like Jesus and in his company, I can hope to overcome temptation.

Although temptation is a thought and a feeling and the fight against temptation is within my mind, the victory against temptation is found elsewhere.  Victory against temptation is found in the heart.  I am tempted because of a "small trust is God" and a lack of "true humility and patience."  The orientation of the heart is what strengthens or weakens temptation.  The less I trust God and yield to his desires and goodness, the less I am willing to wait on him to save me from my troubles, the greater temptations will become.  Conversely, the more I trust God and delight in what he delights in and rely on him for help, the more temptations move into the realm of passing thoughts with no appeal.

Without my cry to God, I am working "in the flesh," that is, by my own ability and determination.  This is bound to fail.  It does not hit the root of the matter, but ends up merely pruning the branches of the temptation and making it grow larger.  What I mean is that the more I rely on my own determination to fight temptation, the less I rely on God and trust in him, and then find that the temptation grows in strength because it grows where there is little trust in God.  I may find that I exchange one behavior for another, but root of pride and self-reliance remains which gives temptation its strength.

So I cannot run away from temptation.  Neither can I fight temptation directly with my own "will-power."  Instead I must face temptation and endure it, not by focusing on it, but by calling out to God for help and salvation and waiting on him.  I fight the temptation in the battlefield of my mind by learning how to continually focus on God in his goodness and in what he desires.  Temptation indicates where I have wavered in my attention on God.

In this way temptations can serve me.  I can find the places and times in my life where I lose track of God.  (The Prayer of Examen is helpful for this.  See http://messagescraps.blogspot.com/2011/08/prayer-of-examen-examined.html)  Temptation is, at its heart, forgetting God.  The kinds of thoughts and feelings and the where and when I have them inform me of my weaknesses.  "Temptations reveal our instability and our lack of trust in God; temptations reveal who we are.  That is why we must pay attention to them."  Humility and patience are the willingness and desire to bring God into those areas of my life, so that he is all in all.  

Basically, I need to learn how to have his desires, the desire for good, at the center of my life instead of my own desires a the center.  I trust that if I seek God's interests and desires, he will richly supply my own in his way and in his time.  Instead of all thoughts and choices going through the "Do I want to?" filter first, I need to bring them through the "Is this God's good?" filter first.

I am tempted to neglect work at times.  I find that when faced with certain tasks, I have a feeling of boredom or even frustration.  I have been learning to submit to such work because I anticipate that God will take such things, even if they seem unimportant, and create patience and kindness and endurance in me through them.  When things are particularly difficult I call out for help and God comes quickly most times.  I am learning that trusting God is doing these tasks out of love and service to him, knowing that he is my "boss" and will take care of my wants and needs.  Trusting God enables me to change my thoughts about the work and then my feelings follow.

I could change my thoughts about the work in other ways, without trusting God, but instead relying on "positive thinking" or pride in being a good worker.  These attitudes take the work I do and build up my trust in my own abilities apart from God, what is called "the flesh" in the Bible.  Unfortunately, as I build up the pride in my flesh, which leads to greater desire towards pleasing myself and looking good to impress other people.  In the end, this strengthens the temptation to be bored or frustrated at work, because my flesh growls about not being satisfied or appreciated.

With God as my trust, the boredom and frustration are replaced with joy in seeing God work in and through my work to increase humility and endurance in my life as well as blessing other people with my work and my attitude.  The growling of my flesh for satisfaction or appreciation becomes quieter in the pleasure of seeing God honored and pleased and other people blessed and encouraged to serve God in their own lives, even in small ways.

Lord, as temptations come my way today, let me think on you and call out to you.  Let me not be afraid, but excited that through overcoming temptation.  "Peace is not found by escaping temptations, but by being tried by them.  We will discover peace when we have been tried and come through the trial of temptation."  You are my strength and my hope.  Amen.

I want to work more on the "tail end" of temptation.  I want to be able to use temptation to further my walk with God.  I see that through temptation, I can become aware of my weakness and where I need God more in my life.  Also, I can see where the flesh has more sway to complain by seeing where I crave satisfaction and appreciation most.  I want to be mindful of this.  Only in this will virtue become implanted in my life in the places I need it most instead of in places where I will be tempted to make a show of it.

Virtue and Peace

Devotional Classics, Thomas a Kempis, Excerpts from The Imitation of Christ

"No matter how hard we try, our lives will never be without strife and grief. Thus, we should not strive for a peace that is without temptation, or for a life that never feels adversity. Peace is not found by escaping temptations, but by being tried by them. We will have discovered peace when we have been tried and come through the trial of temptation." (p.186)

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

Peace and trouble do not sound like they can coexist well. Somehow in my mind they seem more like opposites. Most often I pursue a peace that is an absence of trouble. I imagine a peace that is a trouble-free life.

Certainly, I did not get this from Jesus or his teaching. Jesus, the man of peace, faced many troubles. He also promised that I would faced troubles. Where does this idea, this hope come from, then?

I think part of it is a mistaken idea about spirituality. I imagine the "Nirvana" peace of losing self and complete complacency is floating around there somewhere. Peace in this light is a lack of fear, but also a lack of passion and concern. The peace that Jesus offers is different.

I guess from reading a Kempis, I find that peace is overcoming. Peace is not passive. It is a lack of fear and alarm, but not because desire has been denied or ignored, but because evil is overcome. Temptation and trial find their true faces when they are overcome by Jesus.

Actually, I find that trying to maintain a trouble-free peace guarantees fear and alarm. My hopes have always been dashed to the ground since trouble is part of this existence. Instead, a Kempis reminds me to go through trials with Jesus and overcome them with his good.

Peace accompanies virtue, but when I misunderstand peace, I find that virtue takes on a different face. Since seeking virtue brings trouble, trouble-free peace cannot be found. When following Jesus, trouble finds me, but remaining with him enables me to go through trials and temptations and stand. Then I find true peace.

Lord, I can see I have a long way to go in this, but I am excited about having a way to go! Please remind me each day to walk in this way. I want to overcome with you rather than live in fear and frustration. This peace is peace. Amen.

Today I have been facing troubles in the form of people frustrating me and opposing my good intentions. Rather than being so deeply troubled by this, I am seeking to overcome my worry about what people do or think around me and seek to overcome evil. The first evil God has shown me is my own frantic concern about what people think about me. I believe this step toward peace will also be a step toward loving goodness and virtue as they should be.

The Road to Virtue and Away From It

Devotional Classics, Benedict of Nursia, Excerpts from The Rule

"The ninth step of humility is to withhold our tongue from speaking, keeping silence until we are asked. . . . The eleventh step of humility is to speak with few and sensible words." (p.180)

"Do not be quick with your mouth,

Do not be hasty in your heart

To utter anything before God.

God is in heaven and you are on earth

So let your words be few." (Ecclesiastes 5: 2-3)

"First you say it, then you do it." (Bill Cosby)

I have found that there are some general steps on the road of wrong doing. The first steps have to do with what I think. I forget God. I choose to dwell on what I want mostly. I put other peoples' needs out of my head. I ponder what would feel the best. I think about how to hide my tracks the best. I also focus on how miserable I am without the object of my desire.

These actions of the mind are counteracted by Benedict's steps toward humility. He lists these activities for the mind: Reverence for God, Doing God's Will, Obedience to Others, Enduring Affliction, Confession, and Contentment. In practicing these, I cut at the root of a thought life that wanders into wrong doing.

Then there are steps on the road of wrong doing that I take more through actions. I tend to boast and talk about myself much. I look for ways to get out of doing what I should do. I look for noise and distraction. I try to find things that will make me laugh and feel good. I write and speak with great explanation and defensiveness. I become more concerned with how I look to other people.

Benedict also addresses these in The Rule with Self-Reproach, Obeying the Common Rule, Silence, Seriousness, Simple Speech, and Humility in Appearance. With these actions I find that humility begins to find a place to stay in my life. When my thoughts being to seek God presence and his will through obedience and sincerity, my body begins to follow suit with less boasting, more silence and simplicity.

In particular, my mouth indicates which road I am traveling. It is not uncommon for my mouth to speak what has been on my mind for quite some time. This is not surprising, but does take me by surprise. I am shocked at what I say a times. Further, my mouth also tends to predict what I will eventually do. It may not be literal, but it certainly is real.

So, I may find myself thinking that I deserve to be treated better than I feel I am being treated at work or at home. This will be followed by complaints about how I am treated. Such complaints will be followed by my actions to "get even" with those I see as my attackers. I neglect my work or try to make my kids do things to appreciate me more through laying guilt on them.

So these steps of humility are real disciplines that can bring about humility and steer me from wrong-doing. Such steps can never bring anything without a real desire to please God and a real intention to begin, but they do give some ideas about how my mouth can stop its part in wrong-doing.

I have found that holding my tongue can stop the progression of wrong-doing long enough for me to be reminded of God's presence or my contentment in him. These things can become habits that give space for virtue in my life. Being silent or content are not virtues in themselves, but rather create a path for virtue - a real desire for good - to come rest in my life.

Lord, help me develop thoughts and actions that will house virtue in my life. The desire for good is what makes this life worth living. You alone are good, Father. Let virtue be the tie that draws me nearer to you each day. Amen.

Each word I say or don't say can be a road on which God is invited into my life or sent away from my life. May my words be few and inviting of God and his good.

The Virtue of Humility

Devotional Classics, Benedict of Nursia, Excerpts from The Rule

"Friends, the Holy Scriptures cry out to us saying, 'Everyone that exalts himself shall be humbled; and he that humbles himself shall be exalted.' Therefore, they show us that every exaltation of ourselves is a kind of pride." (p.178)

Benedict's twelve steps of humility cover both the negative and the positive aspects of humility. The negative is putting to death self-exaltation and the positive, a right attitude toward God and oneself.

For all his severity, Benedict begins with the positive aspects: reverence for God, doing God's will, submission to others, enduring affliction, confession, and contentment. Some of these certainly push against my desire to exalt myself because they place me under God and other people, but the focus seems to be on recovering and enjoying my relationships with God and other people. I have found much freedom in submission and confession. Although the way can be difficult, the results bring joy and peace.

The negative aspects are harder to deal with: self-reproach, obeying the common rule, silence, seriousness, simple speech, and humility in appearance. Because of the great abuses of some of these, both in my personal life and historically, some of these steps are hard to use for me. For me, self-reproach and seriousness tend to move me toward self-obsession, which is far from God or humility. However, properly understood each of these can really aid humility by limiting self-exaltation. Silence and simple speech can be quite powerful in limiting self-exaltation.

Benedict locates humility and pride on opposite ends of the spectrum. Where pride is almost the ultimate vice, humility is a very important virtue. Jesus says it is required for entry into the kingdom of God (Matthew 18:3). Efforts toward humility, then are important both in their positive outcome - entry into the kingdom - and their negative outcome - overcoming pride. An interesting point is that pride can only be overcome with humility. Perhaps another way of understanding it is that pride is the absence of humility.

For some reason, it is more natural to think of humility as the absence of pride. Most likely, this comes from a typical cultural bias that sees virtue as merely the absence of vice, peace is no war, love is no hate, etc. However, as C.S. Lewis says in The Weight of Glory

If you asked twenty good men today what they thought the highest of the virtues, nineteen of them would reply, Unselfishness. But if you asked almost any of the great Christians of old he would have replied, Love. You see what has happened? A negative term has been substituted for a positive. . . . The negative ideal of Unselfishness carries with it the suggestion not of primarily securing good things for others, but of going without them ourselves, as if abstinence and not happiness was the important point.

And so humility tends to carry the idea of low self-esteem, self-hatred, and spinelessness. A lack of pride does not humility make.

Perhaps Benedict starts with the positive aspect of humility first because of this tendency. Just as love is not merely going without good things for ourselves, but more creating good in and for others, humility is not so much about cutting ourselves down as it is bringing others up. "Do everything without selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." (Philippians 2:3-4) Humility is the freedom to let others (including God himself) succeed and to enjoy their progress and achievement with a lack of concern for myself. I guess more simply, it is letting God exalt me.

Following such practices as doing God's will, contentment, or confession will bring quick inner objections. So to practice these without inner turmoil and pain, Benedict suggests the negative disciplines to remove the heartache of pride. Humility pushes pride out of my heart and the pushing hurts. So pride must be deflated and destroyed. Self-exaltation inflames pride. Obeying rules, silence, seriousness, and simple speech encourage humility and limit self-exaltation, the primary food of pride.

Lord, what a wonderful promise you've given! You want to exalt me. You want to exalt everyone. You want to share your glory with each of us. I do not believe it most of the time and do not leave room for your pleasure. Help to let my defenses down through training in what I say and do so that I might receive your exaltation: being lowly like Jesus. Amen.

How timely! I have an opportunity to seek humility through enduring affliction and silence in dealing with a person who has not been kind to me. No doubt I will find ways in which I have not been kind to him as well. Funny how these things come up as I write this blog. It certainly brings a sense of realism to the rather "heady" discussion. Mostly, I find that God guides me each day so that these virtues do not remain dead in a book, but can come alive in practice. Perhaps I will find a way to confess to this person and grow out of my fears.

Virtue and Reverence

Devotional Classics, Benedict of Nursia, Excerpts from The Rule

"The first step of humility is to have a constant reverence for God before our eyes. We must shun our tendency of forgetfulness and be always mindful of God's commands." (p.179)

I am ashamed of some of the things I have placed before my eyes. There it is. Should I describe more? No need. Shameful images pollute everyday paths now.

How can I hope to bring a constant reverence before my eyes? I could have a cross before me like a donkey with cart has a carrot before it. Comical, but there may be something to it. Pictures are easily digested by the mind. I see some things and then they are burned on my mind as an image. I need to place pictures before my eyes that bring the image of God before my mind. Some pictures can help. Certainly the creation is one such picture if viewed rightly.

The image of God that Benedict uses are his commands. Not just pictures, but words can bring images to mind. "He makes me lie down in green pastures" or "[His commands] are more precious than gold, much pure gold; they are sweeter than honey from the comb." God's commands bring me the image of his fatherly love when I understand them correctly.

I am mindful of God's commands when talking about them, keeping symbols or words that remind me of them, and writing about them (Deuteronomy 6:4-9). Such concentration on God's commands brings reverence before my eyes as well. I see the world differently. With the "glasses of reverence," I see it as God's creation giving praise to him instead of as merely Matt's candy shop to satisfy whatever craving I might have.

This is good. Humility does come from this sort of viewing of the world. I see my place within God's kingdom as a son and a creation, who needs a Father's guiding hand. Virtue comes not from merely obeying God's commands, but allowing them to change my whole way of seeing into constant reverence and my whole way of being into humility.

Lord, I cannot hope to grow in virtue without such reverence and humility. I have spent long enough following the god of my stomach. I want to live in fear of you, that is, seeking your approval above everything else. Place your word continually in my mind so that a constant reverence might be before my eyes. Amen.