The Spirit and Community

A Testament of Devotion, Thomas R. Kelly, The Blessed Community

In wonder and awe we find ourselves already interknit within unofficial groups of kindred souls.  A "chance" conversation comes, and in a few moments we know that we have been found by another member of the Blessed Community. Sometimes we are thus suddenly knit together in the bonds of love far faster than those of many years' acquaintance.

Where the Fellowship is lacking the Church invisible is lacking and the Kingdom of God has not yet come. For these bonds of divine love and "carrying" are the stuff of Kingdom of God. He who is in the Fellowship is in the Kingdom.

For me this experience of community is both exciting and worrisome. Exciting because the Community stands as a potential anywhere and at any time. Worrisome because I have so little control over finding such community.

At least, the control is not one that I want to exercise. I need to become what I hope to find.

Such community is the heart of the invisible Church and the Kingdom of God according to Kelly. I can see this since God's desire is that I would not only find him and be with him, but find his family and be with them as well.

God has set it up so that only when I seek him with all my heart will I find this hidden community. One cannot seek it directly, but only in joining with others who are seeking to follow Jesus.

As I live in this world with all its problems and short-comings let me seek the family you have here by seeking you, Father.  The bonds of love are tied by your Holy Spirit.  Amen.

The Spirit and Obedience

A Testament of Devotion, Thomas R. Kelly, Holy Obedience

What is the nature of holy obedience? "There are plenty to follow our Lord half-way, but not the other half. They will give up possessions, friends, and honors, but it touches them too closely to disown themselves." (Meister Eckhart) It is just this astonishing life which is willing to follow Him the other half, sincerely to disown itself.

There is a degree of holy and complete obedience and of joyful self-renunciation and of sensistive listening that is breath-taking. Differences of degree passes over into utter difference of kind, when one tries to follow Him the second half.

In some, says William James, religion exists as a dull habit, in others as an acute fever. Religion as a dull habit is not that for which Christ lived and died.

Difference of degree and kind in obedience reveal themselves as readily as the difference between dull habit and acute fever. When I follow only "the first half," then difference of degree becomes paramount. I see others, weigh their actions against my own, and then judge them accordingly. Who has given more? Who has kept too much?

When I follow the "second half" of the way of Jesus, there is only one thing to give: myself. Degree no longer matters, only total surrender. When I give the second half, the first half follows accordingly. Where I put my heart, my treasures are already laid. It is remarkable that I can give so much up and not give myself.

How do I enter holy obedience? Let us dare to venture together into the inner sanctuary of the soul, where God meets man in awful immediacy. There is an indelicacy in too-ready speech. Paul felt it unlawful to speak of the things of the third heaven. But there is also a false reticence, as if these things were one's own possession, about which we should modestly keep quiet, whereas they are wholly God's amazing work and we are nothing, mere passive receivers.

Our interest just now is in the life of complete obedience to God, not in amazing revelations of His glory graciously granted only to some. Yet the amazing experiences of the mystics leave a permanent residue, a God-subdued, a God-possessed will. States of consciousness are fluctuating. The vision fades. But holy and listening and alert obedience remains, as the core and kernel of a God-intoxicated life, as the abiding pattern of sober, work-a-day living.

The first step to the obedience of the second half is the flaming vision of the wonder of such a life.

Once having the vision, the second step to holy obedience is this: Begin where you are. Obey now. . . .Every moment behind the scenes be in prayer, offering yourselves in continuous obedience. I find this internal continuous prayer life absolutely essential.

The third step. . . if you slip and stumble and forget God for an hour, . . . begin again, just where you are.

A fourth consideration in holy obedience is this: Don't grit your teeth and clench your fists and say, "I will! I will!" Relax. Take hands off. Submit yourself to God.

Once again I see vision. I must see a life I want to live. I must desire something beyond myself. It is hope.

Vision is not necessarily an ecstatic experience, but it must be compelling. If it is real, it leads to real life. Obedience is practiced in the body, in my society, not merely in my mind. If the vision is real, then the practice will be more a matter of giving in than of trying. I need to step aside more than step up to the plate.

What are the fruits of holy obedience? They are the passion for personal holiness and the sense of utter humility.

Humility rests upon the disclosure of the consummate wonder of God, upon finding that only God counts, that all our own self-originated intentions are works of straw.

Humility rests on holy blindness, like the blindedness of of him who looks steadily into the sun.

Growth in humility is a measure of our growth in the habit of the God-directed mind.

Self-renunciation means God-possession, the being possessed by God. Out of utter humility and self-forgetfulness comes the thunder of the prophets, "Thus saith the Lord."

Ironic that humility from obedience causes blindness to one's good deeds while self-righteousness from pride cause blindness to one's evil deeds.

Humility comes from a continued dependence on God, like a child dependent on a parent.

I have had just a little sense of this humility and self-forgetfulness that brings discernment without condemnation and a real sense of God's work in a place or a life. Because it is hard to remain dependent on God and hard to forget myself, such occurrences are still fairly sporadic. But they stir my heart greatly.

Ponder this paradox in religious experience: "Nothing matters; everything matters. . . ." It is a key of entrance into suffering. He who knows only one half of the paradox can never enter that door of mystery and survive.

The heart is stretched through suffering, and enlarged. But O the agony of this enlargening of the heart, that one may be prepared to enter into the anguish of others!

The Cross as dogma is painless speculation; the Cross as lived is anguish and glory. Yet God, out of the pattern of His own heart, has planted the Cross along the road of holy obedience. And He enacts in the hearts of those He loves the miracle of willingness to welcome suffering and to know it for what it is - the final seal of His gracious love.

Little "crosses" may lay the road for larger ones. What is inconvenient may help me face what is difficult and then prepare me for what is painful and finally help me to stand before what seems unendurable. The lie that often finds me is that I will really deal differently with real pain that I do with inconveniences. "When it really matters, I will stand." This does not stand in the Bible or in life examples.

The last fruit of holy obedience is the simplicity of the trusting child. . . . The mark of this simplified life is radiant joy.

There is a deeper, an internal simplification of the whole of one's personality, stilled, tranquil, in childlike trust listening ever to Eternity's whisper, walking with a smile into the dark.

Douglas Steere wisely says that true religion often appears to be the enemy of the moralist. For religion cuts across the fine distinctions between several virtues and gathers all virtues into the one supreme quality of love.

This simplicity sounds like an integrated soul, working harmoniously between the various parts of a person. This kind of soul attracts and repels people. The peace, joy, and love attract them, but the utter trust required frightens them. I can see why the moralist would be the enemy of such a simplicity, such an integrated soul: they do not trust God the bring rightness within; they think it must be jammed in from without.

These fruits show that the abundance of life and the obedience to God are inseparable, not because of a cause/effect relationship, but because they are, actually, the same thing. Obedience is abundance. I see this most plainly in simplicity which has the rigor of obedience, but the restfulness of abundance simultaneously.

Lord, may my vision of a life in obedience to you yield humility in my heart.  Amen.

The Spirit as the Light Within

Testament of Devotion, Thomas R. Kelly, The Light Within

What is the Light Within? The Eternal Inward Light does not die when ecstasy dies, nor exist intermittently, with the flickering of our psychic states. Continuously renewed immediacy, not receding memory of the Divine Touch, lies at the base of religious living.

I find I use previous experiences as a starting point into his presence, but I see that it can be no more than the calling for "Encore!" and therefore a mere memory. This is why the continued study of scripture draws me close to God and ushers me into his presence for a time.

However, I can also become obsessed with the ecstasy of discovery in my studies and meditations. Although, God lies before me as an undiscovered country, I dare not equate his presence to the joy of discovery either.

Here we have a basso ostinato. His presence is an underlying movement (obstinate or stubborn) that remains within my life. Sometimes I can focus on him directly, hearing his majestic consistency upholding the quips and tweets of my life. Other times, I notice him more through the harmony he produces with other part of my life. The harmony is the sense of working with him. My focus is my work, rest, or play, but upholding it all is the glorious bass of God's pleasure in me, love for me, and guidance in the midst of my life.

It's like my kids who enjoy many things by doing them with me, but also enjoy doing many things because of me. I supply resources, safety, approval, guidance, etc. I find intense pleasure in playing and working with my kids, but also in seeing them able to play because of my presence.

With God's presence at the base of all religious living, Kelly concludes:

He is the center and the source of action, not the end-point of thought. He is the locus of commitment, not a problem for debate. Practice comes first in religion, not theory or dogma. And Christian practice is not exhausted in outward deeds. These are the fruits, not the roots.

Since God's presence is the base, my reciprocal presence is the appropriate answer. Whatever reflection or study I may do on the presence of God is chaff if it does not invite me to be with God. Great thoughts about God or great discussions about God lead inevitably to death and dryness if they do not raise me up to God himself.

Similarly, outward deeds will not take me to God. When practiced rightly, they are what comes from being with him. At a distance, smoke and dust look similar, but upon closer inspection, smoke comes from fire while dust comes from wind and hurry. Outward deeds look similar at a distance, but some come from the fire of God's presence consuming a life, while others come merely from the empty breezes and hurried feet of people trying to say or do something important. When I begin any activity, I need to ask, "Where's the fire?"

How do I stay with the Light Within? There is a way of ordering our mental life on more than one level at once.

The awareness of God's presence does not erase all other forms of thought, but works above them. Perhaps in Hebrew thought, this is life "in the shadow of your wings." God's presence is meant to overshadow all that I do. I act and think with the assumption that the Lord is over me and under me, beside me and within me. When this knowledge becomes intimate, all thought and all life changes.

The contrast to this awareness is the secular mind, which Kelly describes well.

The secular world of today. . . scorns, or smiles in tolerant amusement, at the cultivation of the second level - a luxury enterprise, a vestige of superstition, an occupation for special temperaments. . . . The secular mind is an abbreviated, fragmentary mind, building only upon a part of man's nature and neglecting a part - the most glorious part - of man's nature, powers, and resources.

The scorn thinly veils anger toward God's presence. It is contempt. It is defensive. The secular mind cannot, indeed, it must not accept this presence or it will lead to its self-destruction and the admission that the most important thing in life and the most important knowledge for living life has been left out. Dallas Willard says that believing the world is flat is paltry compared to this blunder. It is simply absurd.

The contempt is a defensive mechanism. The blockade results in a mind that is immature and incomplete. The mind not set on the Spirit is like a flickering light. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. It cannot venture far. It always makes the work slow and sloppy. Nothing can be sustained for long with this condition. The secular mind must often say, "Good enough" to its many projects.

The secular mind is a room I enter in my own mind. This is where I forget and lapse. I love the confession Kelly gives for those times: This is what I am except Thou aid me. I do not want to stay there, but neither do I want to pretend that I never go there.

The basic growth into the awareness of God's presence comes in this way:

The processes of inward prayer do not grow more complex, but more simple. In the early weeks, we begin with simple, whispered words. . . . For the conscious cooperation of the surface level is needed at first, before prayer sinks into the second level as habitual divine orientation.

If you find, after a time, that these attitudes [of worship, humility, surrender, etc.] become diffused and vague, no longer firm-textured, then return to verbalizations and thus restore solidity.

Longer discipline in this inward prayer will establish more enduring upreachings of praise and submission and relaxed listening in the depths, unworded but habitual orientation of all one's self about Him who is the Focus.

[In "infused prayer"] the autonomy of the inner life becomes complete and we are joyfully prayed through, by a Seeking Life that flows through us into the world of men.

Basically Worded Prayer shrinks in size as I enter God's presence more, until words are not necessary. I like his warning of how such unworded prayer can become "mushy" and needs solid thought to sustain it. Otherwise I believe it can lead to sentimentalism or nostalgia.

Words fade as God's presence becomes more infused within me. At first it is an "orientation" in which a orbit God's presence. As I go I then become united with God, not losing myself, but finding myself in him. He then works not just with me, but through me, and I am no longer fragmentary and abbreviated, but completed by his presence. Without his abiding presence, my life is incomplete, not as it should be. I was made a vessel, to hold and exude his presence.

How does the Light Within guide me? Guidance of life. . . begins first of all in a mass revision of our total reaction to the world. . . . This total instruction proceeds in two opposing directions at once. We are torn loose from earthly attachments and ambitions - contemptus mudi. And we are quickened to a divine but painful concern for the world - armor mundi.

This is the being "in the world, but not of it" paradox. I am used to hearing this when talking about evangelism, not guidance. When I am confused, then, I have failed on one side of the paradox, either falling into an inordinate love of the world and its pleasures, or falling into a disdain for the world and its people. Guidance comes first from this tension of keeping my mind and heart on heavenly things, but also loving the world as God does.

The result: But instructed in one point of view of the paradox, we bestride the mountains or the valleys of earthly importance with a holy indifference, contempt, and detachment. Placed in coveted surroundings, recipients of honors, we count them as refuse, as nothing, utterly nothing. Placed in the shadows, we are happy to pick up a straw for the love of God. No task is so small as to distress us, no honor so great as to turn our heads.

Guidance is short-circuited by the wrong attitude toward the world. I live in this world. God lives with me and guides me in and through this world. If I do not have the right attitude toward this world, then guidance will be heard, but misunderstood. God's word will come, but when he guides me, I will say, "God forbid that such a thing should happen!" because I will have some attachment or some anger that prevents me from hearing and doing rightly.

Lord, sustain me with your presence. Let my fleshly mind be ignored and my fleshly life abhorred. Let this world be a side-attraction I can leave behind and also the main event of my life when I seek to love and sympathize with those lost in madness around me. I want to hear you rightly, so that your words will not be a source of confusion, but piece that brings the puzzle together. Amen.

Virtue and Temptation Again

Devotional Classics, Teresa of Avila, Excerpts from Interior Castle

It is at this stage that the devils will attack the soul with the earthly pleasures of this world, like snakes who bite with deadly poison.  They trick the soul into thinking that such pleasures will last an eternity; they remind the soul of the high esteem in which it is held in the world; they place before it the many friends and relatives who will disagree with the manner of life you have now begun. . . .

 When you feel the beginnings of temptation, do not fight back with strenuous efforts, but rather, gently begin a time of prayer and recollection.  At first it will be difficult, but after a while you will be able to do ti easily, and for long periods of time.

Do not think that you must stop doing your work in order to pray.  The Lord will turn all of our work time into profit as long as we continue in a spirit of prayer.  There is no remedy for the temptations that we face except to start at the beginning, and the beginning is prayer.  The only way to lose is to turn back. (pp.197, 199)

Looking at this picture of Teresa of Avila, I am reminded of her monastic life.  She was a nun from age 19.  I have had mixed feelings about this.  On the one hand, the life in a convent was so unlike my own, and so unlike that of Jesus and his disciples.  Most people have jobs and work and raise families.  On the other hand, the dedication and concentration that she and others like her devoted to prayer makes me admire her, as I would a scientist doing research for a cure to a dreaded disease.  In the end both have made my life seem mundane and distant from the one she talks about because of its distance from monastic life and because of my lack of concentration on the matters that Teresa dedicated her life to.

If I seek to remove some of the "monkish wrappings" from her words and thoughts, I find that she is not speaking about the life of a recluse or hermit in particular, but about life in general.  The monastic influence places some barriers in front of my understanding and appreciating what she has to say, but I also believe that my own lack of desire to seek God with all that I am plays no small part in my hesitation to accept her words and learn from them.  This is the nature of "early stages" of prayer, as she puts it.  The lack of desire to leave temptation ans sin behind has kept me from seeking God numerous times.

This is not something that I became aware of until I saw it in hindsight.  When I was in the middle of these temptations, I did not recognize many of them to be temptations at all, but just "how I am."  Because I didn't recognize temptation, I did not recognize how much I was sinning against God and other people.  I was in a place where I prayed, though, asking for forgiveness for the sins that caught my attention because I was caught  doing them, or because my life was suffering so obviously from them.  Mostly, I was aware of my sin through the eyes of other people who reacted to the sins or the results of those sins.

The beginning of dealing with temptation was in confession.  Looking back and regretting my actions was where I started much of my prayer life.  It wasn't that I was never thankful or did not give honor to God, but my love and appreciation were never very deep in my life as long as I was dealing with temptation on the tail end, after I had sinned.

I write about this as past, not because I do not ever deal with temptation this way any more, but because I have found other ways of dealing with temptation through prayer other than confessing and repenting of sins I commit.  It began with the great desire to be free from certain sins and the temptations that precede them.  Confessing becomes tiring and insincere when I do not long to be free from such sins in my life.  Instead of giving up and calling my sins inevitable, I began to seek for other ways out of this stage of prayer and my life with God.

Teresa is right about the devil resisting this move.  Certainly my own flesh - my natural abilities - were so used to giving in that temptation seemed insurmountable.  One of the works of the devil that Jesus came to destroy (1 John 3:8)  was flesh, that is, reliance on my own natural abilities apart from God.  Satan tempts me to work on my own, either rationalizing my sins or fighting against them with all my might.  Either way I fail, because I feed the flesh and desire rather than strengthening my resolve to wait on God and humbly do as he says.

This is why Teresa's advice about gentle prayer rings so true for me.  She uses another word as well: "recollection."  This is recalling the thoughts and feelings of God at the time of temptation.  It can be memorized scripture, familiar hymns, the cross, the feeling of God's presence, or just getting back to work.  Such "recollection" mixed with asking God for help provide another way out of temptation rather than confession.  So when temptation comes as a thought and an inclination to sin, I can redirect my mind toward God through recollection and asking for his help.  This made me aware of how temptation precedes sins in my life and needs to be monitored closely.  "Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation." (Matthew 26:41)

I found quickly that "parroting" a prayer or Bible verse does not amount to recollection or prayer.  Such things cannot be used like magic to adjust the faults I am particularly ashamed of.  They are part of a larger life that goes on when I am not being tempted.  If my mind is filled with thoughts and feelings that quickly lead to temptation and sin, then a little song or Bible verse or even prayer will not change my direction easily or consistently.  I found that I needed thoughts and feelings about God that were at least as compelling and powerful as the other thoughts and feelings I was having.  Guilt was not enough.  It often worked against me.  Instead I needed joy and peace in God himself.


What I found was that prayer and recollection involve many aspects of my life.  I cannot get fixed without being changed.  This is why in order to leave behind the "earlier stages" of prayer and life with God, I needed to become aware of my temptations and sins enough to realize that they are not momentary lapses, but indicative of how my life is lived, of what inhabits my thoughts and feelings, of what my body is prepared to do without thinking, and of how distracted and confused are the depths of my being.  I pulled on the string of my momentary lapses and found a spider web of connections throughout my whole life.

Now I am learning about another way to fight temptation and grow in my life with God.  I have not left confession or recollection and prayer behind, but have found that they lay the foundation for something else.  This is doing all things in a "spirit of prayer."

I had thought I could jump to this after reading some about it and skip or do without confession, recollection, and prayer, but have found instead that these actions point to something all-pervasive and all-encompassing that I need in my life.  Teresa is right in saying that I have to start at the beginning.  It is starting with prayer and continuing on with it.  Confession begins this journey.  Recollection and petition sustain it.  The goal of it is "abiding" with God, as John puts it (John 15), or having the "spirit of prayer," according to Teresa.

I am writing mostly about what I have heard and read and not so much experienced here.  In the realm of temptation, this kind of prayer brings a person to a place where it does not evil does not even occur to them.  As Dallas Willard puts it, "A person is only as good as what doesn't enter their minds."  (paraphrase)  Obviously, this is not to be free from temptation, since Jesus himself was not free from it.  Rather it is to have it be far less frequent because of what the mind is occupied with.  Satan can intrude with thoughts of temptation, but often these would be discarded as uninteresting or ludicrous.

I know there are some temptations that have always seemed that way to me.  For myself, getting drunk has never been a temptation for me.  Although the thought was there, there was hardly any inclination.  It never really "made sense" to me.  I have seen some things for which I have a strong inclination begin to fade because of what I am interested in, dedicated to, and hoping for in my life.

Occasionally, the thoughts and actions that help me resist may be very mundane things, but mostly, they have had to be charged with love in order to stand up to temptation.  What I mean is that temptation is fixed on my own desire apart from the good of God and everyone else.  When love begins to take root, I choose God and his goodness more than what I want and so the inclination of temptation decreases.  Only love is strong enough to thwart my desires, which are strengthened by my flesh, teased by the devil, and imposed by the peer pressure of this world.  Love must be separated from desire and be understood as "willing what is good."  Such love is what I really need and truly desire more than merely getting what I want.

I see that how I have worked with temptation indicates where I am in my walk with God.  If the main place I deal with temptation is through confession, then I am just starting.  Moving forward from this place begins with the desire to overcome temptation.  This is brought about by God's grace.  He makes me aware of my need.

The next "stage" is one where I respond to temptation before I sin through direct means.  I recollect and pray in the face of temptation.  This is a huge step and is accompanied by a lot of resistance.  For this reason, it is easy to give up and go back to just confessing.  This is the only way to fail.  By moving forward, I believe I am guaranteed victory, since God wants me to draw near to him and be free from sin.  Giving up indicates what I think about God.

Finally, recollection and prayer start to become ingrained as habits and desires, so that there is much less room for temptation in the mind and much less inclination for temptation in the body.  Instead of being the central focus, whether as an object of desire or an object of guilt and hatred, temptation becomes less interesting and "slips the mind" due to the fascination and delight in God and his work.

Lord, I write and write, but I feel that I can never quite explain what it is to be near you and say, "How precious to me are your thoughts, O God; how vast the sum of them!"  I enjoy the research that people like Teresa have performed and recorded in what it is to walk with you.  May I learn and grow as they did.  Amen.


I meant to be more short and sweet with this, but I ended up outlining my life and struggle with temptation.  As usual, I am short on concrete examples, so I end up swimming in abstractions.  However, this was very important as I realize more of what temptation is and how I can deal with it so that God might be who I want to be with as well as who I want to be like.

Virtue and Perseverance

Devotional Classics, Teresa of Avila, Excerpts from Interior Castle

I feel I must repeat this important point: at the beginning we must not become content with the consolations we may receive at the early stages [of prayer].  That would be like building our house on sand.  At this stage you are beginning to build a beautiful castle, and you must build it on strong virtues, not on temporary consolations.  Neither should we complain about a lack of consolation at this stage.  Rather embrace the Cross which Jesus bore upon his shoulders and realize that this Cross is yours to carry too.  We are free in the same measure we are able to suffer. (p. 198)

If then, you sometimes fall, so not lose heart.  Even more, do not cease striving to make progress from it, for even out of your fall God will bring some good. . . .  Our sins can have the effect of leading us back to God and striving all the more.  (p.198)

 The only way to overcome temptation and sin is through perseverance.  Do not give up!  This is the difference between marriage and divorce, heroes and villains, joy and apathy.  When overcoming becomes a habit, trials and temptations bring joy.  (James 1:1)

Teresa explains the temptation to give up by using an allegory.  She describes the various stages of coming to know God by using the image of a castle with many rooms.  As a person grows, he moves from one room to another.  Not persevering leads to remaining in a room or even leaving the castle of knowing God altogether.

Three things can keep me from persevering: consolation, desolation, and temptation.  The first is early success.  Teresa's "consolations" are times in which God shows up and often dramatically.  "Mountain-top" spiritual experiences are wonderful, but trap me because I am tempted to go back to find them.  There is nothing wrong with enjoying powerful experiences with God, but as C. S. Lewis says, the most dangerous word here is, "Encore!"

I love how Teresa ties this with building my life ("house") on sand.  My experience of God's goodness fluctuates for many reasons.  The sure foundation is not a particular kind of experience with God, but a particular kind of character in myself from being with God.  That character is called virtuous.  It is when the goodness of God begins to form in my habits and daily living.  That is the "rock" to build life on: obedience to Christ's commands by his strength.

The reason I become trapped by consolations is because I value the experience more than the growth in character and virtue that I may obtain through such an experience.  Consolations are inevitable in a walk with a God who longs to satisfy the desires of my heart.  I have to hold them lightly, though.  The thought that helps me let them go is realizing that the best is yet to come.  Perseverance is letting go of such consolations because of the desire to press "onward and upward" into being good more than just experiencing good.

The second barrier to perseverance comes from "desolations."  This is a lack of consolation.  Desert times, dry spells, and boredom show up in desolation.  Spiritual aridity causes many people to turn back in their walk with God.  I find that I may wonder if I took a wrong turn somewhere and try to review and relive past experiences in order to find God's consolation.  "Encore" again.

I have come through these times of desolation by not giving in to fear.  Even if I don't sense him, God is near and will not abandon me.  Even if I have taken a wrong turn, the best thing to do when lost is to stay put.  Wait on God for rescue from these times in the wilderness.  Usually, I find that he continues to grant consolations in these times, but they are quieter and more easily over looked.  Instead of an ocean of joy and power I may sense in a spiritually "high" moment, I am treated with a small oasis of hope or peace.  It is no wonder that these "small" consolations can be even more meaningful that "big" ones just because of where they occur - in the desert.  The contrast heightens their force.

My worst sins creep out in times of desolation.  The desire to elicit feeling - any feeling - is strong when the days seem gray and God, far away.  This is where fear comes in and where my faith and trust is God is tested.  He usually comes relatively quickly, within and hour or two of my cry for help and often immediately.  He grants small assurances of his presence and love that point to better times with him.  Remembering his faithfulness helps a lot more than aching for better times and experiences.

Finally, temptation wears away at perseverance.  Temptations come as thoughts with an inclination or desire to fulfill the thoughts.  When such thoughts are harbored or acted upon, they become sin.  Before the action or the holding on to the temptation, it is not sin, just temptation.  These can be overcome.

The best way to overcomes them is to have other thoughts.  I need to fill my mind with other things than the thoughts that are tempting.  With this thoughts may come, but usually they are without much inclination because my attention is focused elsewhere.

Second best is to turn from such thoughts immediately when they occur.  The stronger my inclination, the quicker I have to turn away from such thoughts.  This is where memorized sections of the Bible come into play.  Also hymns and songs of praise can help divert my mind away from temptation.  Also rather mundane activities like good work and good play can redirect my mind toward God and his goodness.

Finally, the last way to overcome temptation is to confess when I have been overcome and strive to make progress from it.  Although this last way seems like defeat, it is only defeat if I let it discourage me enough to give up or deny that I have sinned.  As hard as it is, confession is best practiced with a another trusted person who can remind me of God's love and forgiveness.  In the face of failure, I need forgiveness to be able to make any progress from my sin.  Other people can speak through the hurt, emptiness, and self-doubt I may have when I am in a "failure mode."

Recently, I gave into a temptation that plagues me.  Filled with self-hatred and fear, I could not see a way out without the help of another person.  Sometimes I need help even to cry out to God.  From this I learned about spiritual death.  Such death contains a never-ending amount of self-hatred, or "weeping and gnashing of teeth" to use the metaphor.  It is to be caught in such a place with no hope of escape.  Self-hatred yields self-destruction, whether slow or fast.  Self-hatred is one of the indicators of giving up and lacking perseverance.  In this case, I was given a new thought and motivation to help me stay away from temptation.

I see how consolations, "desolations," and temptations can become barriers to perseverance.  The only way out is to develop a virtuous character under God's guiding, graceful hand.  Here is how Jesus put it:

While a large crowd was gathering and people were coming to Jesus from town after town, he told this parable: “A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path; it was trampled on, and the birds of the air ate it up. Some fell on rock, and when it came up, the plants withered because they had no moisture. Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up with it and choked the plants. Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up and yielded a crop, a hundred times more than was sown.” When he said this, he called out, “He who has ears to hear, let him hear . . .”

“This is the meaning of the parable: The seed is the word of God. Those along the path are the ones who hear, and then the devil comes and takes away the word from their hearts [desolation], so that they may not believe and be saved  Those on the rock are the ones who receive the word with joy when they hear it [consolation], but they have no root [character]. They believe for a while, but in the time of testing they fall away.  The seed that fell among thorns stands for those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by life’s worries, riches and pleasures, [temptations] and they do not mature. But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart [virtuous character], who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop. (Luke 8:4-15)

Lord, grant me a noble and good heart that thinks on you above all else and hears you, that stays with you even when bored or discouraged, and that perseveres through all sorts of temptations, even when I fall to them.  Let me be an overcomer and not give up!  Amen.

Like so many things in life, the key to success in a life with God is just showing up and not giving up.  By God's grace and mercy, we can do it.

Virtue and Temptation

Devotional Classics, Thomas a Kempis, The Imitation of Christ

"Many have tried to escape  temptations only to find that they more grievously fall into them.  We cannot win this battle by running away alone; the key to victory is true humility and patience; in them we overcome the enemy.  If we merely turn away from temptation outwardly and do not strike at the root, we will make very little progress.  In fact, you will find that the temptations will return more quickly and powerfully, and you will feel even worse.  Little by little, through patient endurance of spirit (with the help of God), you will win a better victory than by your own determination.  The beginning of all evil temptations is an unstable mind and a small trust in God."  (p.185)

The trouble with temptation is that "wherever you go, there you are."  Temptation lives in my desire and I take my desire with me wherever I go.  It is a thought accompanied by a sense of pleasure.  These occur with some regularity throughout my day.

One relief is that temptation is not in itself wrong.  My will has not been brought to bear.  I have not made a choice. . . yet.  When I mistake temptation for sin, I live a defeated life and misunderstand the nature of spiritual growth and salvation.  I will not be saved from temptation in this life, any more than Jesus was.  However, like Jesus and in his company, I can hope to overcome temptation.

Although temptation is a thought and a feeling and the fight against temptation is within my mind, the victory against temptation is found elsewhere.  Victory against temptation is found in the heart.  I am tempted because of a "small trust is God" and a lack of "true humility and patience."  The orientation of the heart is what strengthens or weakens temptation.  The less I trust God and yield to his desires and goodness, the less I am willing to wait on him to save me from my troubles, the greater temptations will become.  Conversely, the more I trust God and delight in what he delights in and rely on him for help, the more temptations move into the realm of passing thoughts with no appeal.

Without my cry to God, I am working "in the flesh," that is, by my own ability and determination.  This is bound to fail.  It does not hit the root of the matter, but ends up merely pruning the branches of the temptation and making it grow larger.  What I mean is that the more I rely on my own determination to fight temptation, the less I rely on God and trust in him, and then find that the temptation grows in strength because it grows where there is little trust in God.  I may find that I exchange one behavior for another, but root of pride and self-reliance remains which gives temptation its strength.

So I cannot run away from temptation.  Neither can I fight temptation directly with my own "will-power."  Instead I must face temptation and endure it, not by focusing on it, but by calling out to God for help and salvation and waiting on him.  I fight the temptation in the battlefield of my mind by learning how to continually focus on God in his goodness and in what he desires.  Temptation indicates where I have wavered in my attention on God.

In this way temptations can serve me.  I can find the places and times in my life where I lose track of God.  (The Prayer of Examen is helpful for this.  See http://messagescraps.blogspot.com/2011/08/prayer-of-examen-examined.html)  Temptation is, at its heart, forgetting God.  The kinds of thoughts and feelings and the where and when I have them inform me of my weaknesses.  "Temptations reveal our instability and our lack of trust in God; temptations reveal who we are.  That is why we must pay attention to them."  Humility and patience are the willingness and desire to bring God into those areas of my life, so that he is all in all.  

Basically, I need to learn how to have his desires, the desire for good, at the center of my life instead of my own desires a the center.  I trust that if I seek God's interests and desires, he will richly supply my own in his way and in his time.  Instead of all thoughts and choices going through the "Do I want to?" filter first, I need to bring them through the "Is this God's good?" filter first.

I am tempted to neglect work at times.  I find that when faced with certain tasks, I have a feeling of boredom or even frustration.  I have been learning to submit to such work because I anticipate that God will take such things, even if they seem unimportant, and create patience and kindness and endurance in me through them.  When things are particularly difficult I call out for help and God comes quickly most times.  I am learning that trusting God is doing these tasks out of love and service to him, knowing that he is my "boss" and will take care of my wants and needs.  Trusting God enables me to change my thoughts about the work and then my feelings follow.

I could change my thoughts about the work in other ways, without trusting God, but instead relying on "positive thinking" or pride in being a good worker.  These attitudes take the work I do and build up my trust in my own abilities apart from God, what is called "the flesh" in the Bible.  Unfortunately, as I build up the pride in my flesh, which leads to greater desire towards pleasing myself and looking good to impress other people.  In the end, this strengthens the temptation to be bored or frustrated at work, because my flesh growls about not being satisfied or appreciated.

With God as my trust, the boredom and frustration are replaced with joy in seeing God work in and through my work to increase humility and endurance in my life as well as blessing other people with my work and my attitude.  The growling of my flesh for satisfaction or appreciation becomes quieter in the pleasure of seeing God honored and pleased and other people blessed and encouraged to serve God in their own lives, even in small ways.

Lord, as temptations come my way today, let me think on you and call out to you.  Let me not be afraid, but excited that through overcoming temptation.  "Peace is not found by escaping temptations, but by being tried by them.  We will discover peace when we have been tried and come through the trial of temptation."  You are my strength and my hope.  Amen.

I want to work more on the "tail end" of temptation.  I want to be able to use temptation to further my walk with God.  I see that through temptation, I can become aware of my weakness and where I need God more in my life.  Also, I can see where the flesh has more sway to complain by seeing where I crave satisfaction and appreciation most.  I want to be mindful of this.  Only in this will virtue become implanted in my life in the places I need it most instead of in places where I will be tempted to make a show of it.

Virtue and Peace

Devotional Classics, Thomas a Kempis, Excerpts from The Imitation of Christ

"No matter how hard we try, our lives will never be without strife and grief. Thus, we should not strive for a peace that is without temptation, or for a life that never feels adversity. Peace is not found by escaping temptations, but by being tried by them. We will have discovered peace when we have been tried and come through the trial of temptation." (p.186)

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

Peace and trouble do not sound like they can coexist well. Somehow in my mind they seem more like opposites. Most often I pursue a peace that is an absence of trouble. I imagine a peace that is a trouble-free life.

Certainly, I did not get this from Jesus or his teaching. Jesus, the man of peace, faced many troubles. He also promised that I would faced troubles. Where does this idea, this hope come from, then?

I think part of it is a mistaken idea about spirituality. I imagine the "Nirvana" peace of losing self and complete complacency is floating around there somewhere. Peace in this light is a lack of fear, but also a lack of passion and concern. The peace that Jesus offers is different.

I guess from reading a Kempis, I find that peace is overcoming. Peace is not passive. It is a lack of fear and alarm, but not because desire has been denied or ignored, but because evil is overcome. Temptation and trial find their true faces when they are overcome by Jesus.

Actually, I find that trying to maintain a trouble-free peace guarantees fear and alarm. My hopes have always been dashed to the ground since trouble is part of this existence. Instead, a Kempis reminds me to go through trials with Jesus and overcome them with his good.

Peace accompanies virtue, but when I misunderstand peace, I find that virtue takes on a different face. Since seeking virtue brings trouble, trouble-free peace cannot be found. When following Jesus, trouble finds me, but remaining with him enables me to go through trials and temptations and stand. Then I find true peace.

Lord, I can see I have a long way to go in this, but I am excited about having a way to go! Please remind me each day to walk in this way. I want to overcome with you rather than live in fear and frustration. This peace is peace. Amen.

Today I have been facing troubles in the form of people frustrating me and opposing my good intentions. Rather than being so deeply troubled by this, I am seeking to overcome my worry about what people do or think around me and seek to overcome evil. The first evil God has shown me is my own frantic concern about what people think about me. I believe this step toward peace will also be a step toward loving goodness and virtue as they should be.