Conversing with Teresa: The Danger of Sin for Prayer

SIN DISABLES PRAYER

MCF:  If I have become aware of my soul and have thoughtfully begun to become aware of myself and God through meditation, what else could I do to deepen my prayer life?

TOA:  Think of this castle, your soul, so beautiful and resplendent this Orient pearl, this tree of life, planted in the living waters of life.  The Sun himself, Who has given it all its splendor and beauty, is there at the center of the soul and it is as capable of enjoying Him and is the crystal of reflecting the sun.  But when the soul is overcome with sin, no thicker blackness exists.

I know of a person to whom Our Lord wished to show what a soul was like when it is overcome with sin. That person says that, if people could understand this, she thinks they would find it impossible to sin at all, and, rather than meet occasions of sin, would put themselves to the greatest trouble imaginable to avoid it. So she was very anxious that everyone should realize this. May you be no less anxious to pray earnestly to God for those who are in this state and who, with all their works, have become sheer darkness. For, just as all the streamlets that flow from a clear spring are as clear as the spring itself, so the works of a soul in grace are pleasing in the eyes both of God and of men, since they proceed from this spring of life, in which the soul is as a tree planted. It would give no shade and yield no fruit if it proceeded not thence, for the spring sustains it and prevents it from drying up and causes it to produce good fruit. When the soul, on the other hand, through its own fault, leaves this spring and becomes rooted in a pool of pitch-black, evil-smelling water, it produces nothing but misery and filth.

It should be noted here that it is not the spring, or the brilliant sun which is in the center of the soul, that loses its splendor and beauty, for they are always within it and nothing can take away their beauty. If a thick black cloth be placed over a crystal in the sunshine, however, it is clear that, although the sun may be shining upon it, its brightness will have no effect upon the crystal.

MCF:  So when sin is cultivated and embraced in my life, God is not absent, but separated from me by that sin.  I am also separated from my own soul, cut off from my own life by something that consumes my heart and mind.  I cannot enjoy or know God, nor can I find him in the soil and fabric of my own life.

TOA:  Learn to understand yourself and take pity on yourself! Surely, if you understand your own nature, it is impossible that you will not strive to remove the pitch which blackens the crystal?  O Jesus! How sad it is to see a soul deprived of it! What a state the poor rooms of the castle are in! How distracted are the senses which inhabit them! And the faculties, which are their governors and butlers and stewards - how blind they are and how ill-controlled! And yet, after all, what kind of fruit can one expect to be borne by a tree rooted in sin?  (I once heard a spiritual man say that he was not so much astonished at the things done by a soul caught in sin as at the things not done by it.)

The person to whom I referred earlier said the favor God had granted her had taught her two things: first, she had learned to have the greatest fear of offending Him, for which reason she continually begged Him not to allow her to fall, when she saw what legible consequences a fall could bring; secondly, she had found it a mirror of humility, for it had made her realize that any good thing we do has its source, not in ourselves but rather in that spring where this tree, which is the soul, is planted, and in that sun which sheds its radiance on our works.

HUMILITY FREES PRAYER

MCF:  The shock of sin, then, is not so much from what is done, but by what is neglected.  Sin confuses and hides my need of God.  So the first remedy is praying for his strength and desire in overcoming and avoiding sin.  Sin confuses and distorts how I see myself.  The remedy is humility, in which I see God's goodness working through my life.  Sin narrows my life into one or a few desires and keeps me from exploring God and knowing myself and experiencing life's fullness.

TOA:  Yes, so in speaking of the soul we must always think of it as spacious, ample and lofty; and this can be done without the least exaggeration, for the soul's capacity is much greater than we can realize, and this Sun, Which is in the palace, reaches every part of it. It is very important that no soul which practices prayer, whether little or much, should be subjected to undue constraint or limitation. Since God has given it such dignity, it must be allowed to roam through these mansions - through those above, those below and those on either side.

It must not be compelled to remain for a long time in one single room - not, at least, unless it is in the room of self-knowledge.  However high a state the soul may have attained, self-knowledge is incumbent upon it, and this it will never be able to neglect even should it so desire. Humility must always be doing its work like a bee making its honey in the hive: without humility all will be lost.  Self-knowledge is so important that, even if you were raised right up to the heavens, I should like you never to relax your cultivation of it; so long as we are on this earth, nothing matters more to us than humility.

MCF:  So sin crowds and limits my capacity in prayer.  It shrinks my soul through inadequate self-knowledge.  I do not see the grand landscape of my soul nor my God and Father who shines there.  It all remains unseen when sin is "in my eyes."  The grace of humility clears my eyesight.

TOA:  Please remember that humility is not so much glancing around and saying: "Are people looking at me or not?" "If I take a certain path shall I come to any harm?" "Dare I begin such and such a task?" "Is it pride that is impelling me to do so?" "Can anyone as wretched as I engage in so lofty an exercise as prayer?" "Will people think better of me if I refrain from following the crowd?"  Oh, God help us all!  How many souls the devil must have ruined in this way! They think that all these misgivings, and many more that I could describe, arise from humility, whereas they really come from our lack of self-knowledge. We get a distorted idea of our own nature, and, if we never stop thinking about ourselves, I am not surprised if we experience these fears and others which are still worse.  This seems to me to be the condition of a soul which, though not in a bad state, is so completely absorbed in things of the world and so deeply immersed in possessions or honors or business, that, although as a matter of fact it would like to gaze at the castle and enjoy its beauty, it is prevented from doing so, and seems quite unable to free itself from all these impediments. Everyone, however, who wishes to deepen their prayer life, will be well advised, as far as his state of life permits, to try to put aside all unnecessary affairs and business.

It is for this reason that I say we must set our eyes upon Christ our Good, from Whom we shall learn true humility. Our understanding, as I have said, will then be ennobled, and self-knowledge will not make us timorous and fearful.  Let us realize that true perfection consists in the love of God and of our neighbor, and the more nearly perfect is our observance of these two commandments, the nearer to perfection we shall be.  This mutual love is so important for us that I should like you never to forget it; for if the soul seeking perfection goes about looking for trifling faults in others (which sometimes may not be imperfections at all, though perhaps our ignorance may lead us to make the worst of them) it may lose its own peace of mind and perhaps disturb that of others. See, then, how costly perfectionism is.

MCF:  Humility is not self-consciousness nor self-loathing, but freedom from these things.  But neither is humility merely going along with whatever seems important or urgent at the time.  A person can be absorbed in themselves or in the business of other people and lose the self-knowledge that comes from humility.  Above all, this humility is focused on Christ as Teacher and loving others enough to overlook their faults.  Such freedom from humility opens to door to an unfettered prayer life with God.

*     *     *

PRAYER AS SEEING AND LIVING FULLY

In thinking about prayer, Teresa brings up how sin can be a barrier.  The main danger she emphasizes is the blinding force of such practices.  Sin disables us from seeing our souls clearly as the our meeting place with God.  Further, sin makes us unable to experience the God's light.

I am particularly struck by the idea that what is shocking about sin is not so much what is done, but what is neglected.  A person overcome with sin becomes unable to see it for what it is and avoid it.  He also loses his place in life, not knowing where he is or where he is going.

Humility is the opposite of this blindness.  As we cultivate it, our life opens up as the soil in which a close-knit relationship with God can grow.  Even our troubles and trials and weaknesses become meeting places with God.  Also, humility brings a consciousness of God as Savior, Teacher, Lord, and Friend.  Each of these aspects are seen clearly in Christ, the source of our understanding.  Humility savors our need before him.  Prayer exercises our power in him.

I see Teresa pointing to two forms of false humility.  The first is the self-absorbed, self-questioning, self-condemning sort of humility.  I know this one well and have been fooled by it.  Something seems so compelling about it, except when I look at it from the outside.  I would never allow anyone to speak to my wife or kids the way I speak to myself at times.

The other is the others-focused, fix-em-up, fault-finding, and yet people-pleasing sort of humility.  This one masquerades as being "helpful" and "unselfish," but is really manipulative.  The person thinks they are doing "all this" for everyone else, but would be annoyed if such "help" was forced on them.  Trying to get people to like you or respect you is not humility.

I am once again impressed by the vastness of the soul prayer in Teresa's thinking. Prayer, in its fullness, encompasses and fills all of my life, all my soul, inward and outward, as is painted so well in Psalm 63:

O God, you are my God,

earnestly I seek you;

my soul thirsts for you,

my body longs for you,

in a dry and weary land

where there is no water.

I have seen you in the sanctuary

and beheld your power and your glory.

Because your love is better than life,

my lips will glorify you.

I will praise you as long as I live,

and in your name I will lift up my hands.

My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;

with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

On my bed I remember you;

I think of you through the watches of the night.

Because you are my help,

I sing in the shadow of your wings.

My soul clings to you;

Your right hand upholds me.

The Place of Prayer: Teresa's Picture of the Soul

THE WILLINGNESS TO RECEIVE

Prayer.  Why do I want to go there?  Prayer begins with a question.

Addressing God is an almost involuntary response for most people.  We see it in emergencies as well as in fits of anger or surprise.  God is addressed.  But we cannot call that prayer.  At best it is what is left over when prayer has been abandoned.

Will God hear the prayer of someone who only calls out when he almost cannot help it?  Of course.  But will that person hear God's answer?  Often not.  Why?  The reason that a person doesn't pray is the same reason why he can't hear God.  Our willingness to ask often reflects our willingness to receive.

It all comes to a question: Why pray?  Let's say that prayer opens the door to a wonderful new world and that the world is the one in which each of us is living right now.  Let's say that the joys and wonders of prayer are just behind the curtain of what we call "ordinary life" and it just takes our eyes some time to get used to it, like entering a dark room from a  lighted one.  Let's say this wonderful place is where all the most amazing people gather and have gathered for centuries to meet and be with the most delightful person of all.




GOD IS NOT FAR OFF

Where is this place?  Where is the door?  It is not far away.

Now what I am commanding you you today is not too difficult for you or beyond your reach.  It is not up in heaven, so that you have to ask, 'Who will ascend into heaven to get it and proclaim it to us so we may obey it?'  Nor is it beyond the sea, so that you have to ask, 'Who will cross the sea to get it and proclaim it to us so we may obey it?'  No, the word is very near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart so you may obey it.

See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction.  For I command you today to love the Lord your God, to walk in all his ways, and to keep his commands, decrees and laws;  then you will live and increase, and the Lord your God will bless you.  (Deuteronomy 30:12-16)

The place of prayer is at God's side.  The delight of prayer is in God's presence, his ways, and his words.  The place of prayer is also where we are at right now.  Like Jacob realized even as he was a fugitive from his own family sleeping on a rock pillow, "Surely the Lord is in this place, and I was not aware of it. . . .  How awesome is this place!  This is none other than the house of God; this is the gate of heaven."  (Genesis 28:16-17)

I have been describing our souls as a place.  It captures the "otherness" and vastness we sense about this deep part of ourselves.  Teresa of Avila uses this idea: "I began to think of the soul as if it were a castle made of a single diamond or of very clear crystal, in which there are many rooms, just as in Heaven there are many mansions."  Perhaps when the psalmist says, "My soul waits for God alone" (62:1), it waits as a room waits to be filled by an inhabitant.  Maybe Jesus shows not only the value, but the vastness of the soul when he says, "What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet be ruined in his soul?"  (Mark 8:36)

FINDING THE PLACE OF PRAYER

Maybe the wonder and joy of prayer lies in what it cures, the most basic human illness: loneliness.  Nothing is more lonely than an empty soul.  It is lost and wandering.  It lies in ruin awaiting reconstruction.  Only the living God can satisfy or fill this place called the soul.  Only the God who comes to us can rebuild the soul-castle we inhabit.

We tend to think that we have to invite God into our souls as if he is not already there.  God is everywhere and most of all in our souls.  He is not absent.  He has not abandoned us.  Somehow we have been taught that he is far away.  No, our souls are not empty of God.  He is there waiting for us.  No, our souls are empty places because we do not inhabit them.

I seem rather to be talking nonsense, for, if this castle is the soul, there can clearly be no question of our entering it. For we ourselves are the castle: and it would be absurd to tell someone to enter a room when he was in it already! But you must understand that there are many ways of "being" in a place. Many souls remain in the outer court of the castle.  (Teresa of Avila, Interior Castle)

 The question that comes with prayer is the question of whether I want to relate to God in the context of my soul.  Loving God at a distance is a popular notion.  God is fine if he remains "out there" or "over there."  However, conversing and relating to him in the confines of our own soul can be difficult and even threatening.  Since God inhabits the human soul, we often vacate it, trying to escape intimacy with him.  As a result, our lives are fractured and confused or lived merely in the context of things that are visible and passing away.

For myself, I find that prayer does not begin so much with my great desire to be with God, but my great fear of being alone.  The yawning chasm of my nothingness drives me to his arms.  His eager reception makes running to him easier.  It makes praying possible.

I am slow to trust God, though.  Many things promise to take away the pain of an empty soul, but they take more than they give.  Worst of all, they keep me from entering into a conversational relationship with God.  They choke out all meaningful interactions with God, leaving me with God at a distance and my body as my sole source of energy and meaning.  It is pain that drives me into such distractions and sins, but it can also drive me into God's arms.  The pain is a soul empty of companionship.  What will fill it?

Lord, for some reason I fear coming close to you.  I fear what you might ask me to do.  I fear what I might need to face.  I fear, I fear.  But I find outside the walls of such companionship it is cold and lonely.  Let my pain overcome my fear.  Most of all, increase the anticipation of your goodness and kindness in my mind and in my heart.  From those teach me how to ask of you, how to pray.  Amen.

Do you think that your willingness to receive is connected to your willingness to ask?  Is it possible that your trouble with praying comes from a fear of intimacy with God?  Instead of pain driving you into distractions and sin, could you use it to drive you to God and his kindness?

Conversing with Teresa of Avila: Thoughtful Prayer

PRAYER BEGINS BY NOTICING THE SOUL

MCF: Teresa, I long to pray and I know I need to learn many things.  Can you show me how to pray?

TOA:  A thought occurred to me, a foundation on which to build.  I began to think of the soul as if it were a castle made of a single diamond or of very clear crystal, in which there are many rooms, just as in Heaven there are many mansions.  Now if we think carefully over this, the soul of the righteous man is nothing but a paradise, in which, as God tells us, He takes His delight.  For what do you think a room will be like which is the delight of a King so mighty, so wise, so pure and so full of all that is good?  I can find nothing with which to compare the great beauty of a soul and its great capacity.

MCF: The beginning of prayer is how we see our own soul?  My problem is that I do not understand my own soul?

TOA:  It is no small pity, and should cause us no little shame, that, through our own fault, we do not understand ourselves, or know who we are.  Is it not a sign of great ignorance, if a person were asked who he was but had no idea who his father or his mother was, or from what country he came? Though that is great ignorance, our own is incomparably greater if we make no attempt to discover what we are, and only know that we are living in these bodies, and have a vague idea, because we have heard it and because our Faith tells us so, that we possess souls.  As to what good qualities there may be in our souls, or Who dwells within them, or how precious they are - those are things which we seldom consider and so we trouble little about carefully preserving the soul's beauty.  All our interest is centered in the rough setting of the diamond, and in the outer wall of the castle - that is to say, in these bodies of ours.

MCF:  True.  It is easy to focus on our bodies and our outward life and ignore the soul and the inward life.

TOA:  Let us now imagine that this castle, as I have said, contains many mansions, some above, others below, others at each side; and in the center and midst of them all is the greatest mansion where the most secret things pass between God and the soul. You must think over this comparison very carefully.  Perhaps God will be pleased to use it to show you something of the favors which He is pleased to grant to souls.  It will be a great consolation to you to know that such things are possible.  Even if you never receive any, you can still praise His great goodness.  It does us no harm to think of the things laid up for us in Heaven and of the joys of the blessed ones with him, but rather makes us rejoice and strive to attain those joys ourselves.  In the same way, it will do us no harm to find that it is possible in this exile of ours for so great a God to commune with such small and broken creatures.  We may love Him for His great goodness and boundless mercy.

PRAYER IS STOPPED BY ENVY AND THOUGHTLESSNESS

MCF:  Can’t such thinking lead us to thinking that some Christians are better than others or that God plays favorites?   Is it fair that God would give some favors he does not give to others in prayer?

TOA:  I am sure that anyone who finds it harmful to realize that it is possible for God to grant such favors during this our exile must be greatly lacking in humility and in love of his neighbor.  With such love and humility, how could we stop rejoicing that God should grant these favors to one of our brethren, especially when this in no way hinders Him from granting such favors to ourselves?  How could we stop rejoicing that His Majesty should bestow an understanding of His greatness upon any person?  He grants these favors, then, not because those who receive them are holier than those who do not, but in order that His greatness may be made known.

It may be said that these things seem impossible and that it is better not to trip up those who are too weak to accept them.  But less harm is done by the weak disbelieving us than by our failing to edify those to whom God grants these favors.  Those who receive such favors from God will rejoice and will awaken others to a fresh love of Him Who grants such mercies, according to the greatness of His power and majesty.  They all know and believe that God grants still greater proofs of His love. I am sure that, if anyone does not believe this, she will never learn it by experience.  For God's will is that no bounds should be set to His works. Never do such a thing, then, if the Lord does not lead you by this road.

MCF:  I see that begrudging and doubting the great things God can give through prayer and other means can often point to a lack of love and humility.  Not only that, but that such doubting can inhibit a person from ever receiving such good things from God.  Would you say that I should never try to do things by effort and experience that I cannot trust God to do in my life because of his great love?

TOA:  Yes, but now let us return to our beautiful and delightful castle and see how we can enter it.  I seem rather to be talking nonsense, for, if this castle is the soul, there can clearly be no question of our entering it. For we ourselves are the castle: and it would be absurd to tell someone to enter a room when he was in it already! But you must understand that there are many ways of "being" in a place. Many souls remain in the outer court of the castle, which is the place occupied by the guards. They are not interested in entering it and have no idea what there is in that wonderful place, or who dwells in it, or even how many rooms it has.

A short time ago I was told by a very learned man that souls without prayer are like people whose bodies or limbs are paralyzed: they possess feet and hands but they cannot control them. In the same way, there are souls so infirm and so accustomed to busying themselves with outside affairs that nothing can be done for them, and it seems as though they are incapable of entering within themselves at all.   And although by nature they are so richly endowed as to have the power of holding a conversation with none other than God Himself, there is nothing that can be done for them. Unless they strive to realize their miserable condition and to remedy it, they will be turned into pillars of salt for not looking within themselves but only looking outwardly, just as Lot's wife was because she looked back.

MEDITATION BRINGS THOUGHTFULNESS TO PRAYER

MCF:  I love how you put that each person is already present to God in his soul, but that there are many ways of “being” in a place.  In the same way a paralyzed person also has hands and feet like a mobile person, but is unable to use them.  So conversation with God is our heritage and is ours by nature, but when our attention is always elsewhere, we find ourselves not really with God and paralyzed inwardly.  What can be done about this condition?

TOA:  As far as I can understand, the door of entry into this castle is prayer and meditation: if it is prayer at all, it must be accompanied by meditation. If a person does not think Whom he is addressing, and what he is asking for, and who it is that is asking and of Whom he is asking it, I do not consider that he is praying at all even though he be constantly moving his lips or even thinking great thoughts. True, it is sometimes possible to pray without paying heed to these things, but that is only because they have been thought about previously.  If a man is in the habit of speaking to God's Majesty as he would speak to a slave, and never even thinks about expressing himself properly, but merely utters the words that come to his lips because he has learned them by heart through constant repetition, I do not call that prayer at all - and God grant no Christian may ever speak to Him so! At any rate, I hope in God that none of you will, for if we are accustomed to talking about our interior matters, that is a good way of keeping oneself from falling into such animal-like habits.

MCF:  Thoughtless prayer can be so damaging and misleading.  As a habit, I see it can keep a person from hearing God at all.  Such is the danger of mindless religion and dogmatic atheism.  Really thinking about our “interior matters” and about the meaning or prayer can save us from such habits?

TOA:  Yes, but remember that these paralyzed souls, unless the Lord Himself comes and commands them to rise, are like the man who had lain beside the pool for thirty years: they are unfortunate creatures and live in great peril. There are also other souls, who do eventually enter the castle. These are very much absorbed in worldly affairs, but their desires are good.  Sometimes, though infrequently, they commend themselves to Our Lord.  They think about the state of their souls, though not very carefully.  As they are full of a thousand preoccupations, they really pray only a few times a month, and as a rule they are thinking all the time of their preoccupations, for they are very much attached to them.  Where their treasure is, there is their heart also.  From time to time, however, they shake their minds free of them.  It is a great thing that they should know themselves well enough to realize that they are not going the right way to reach the castle door. Eventually they enter the first rooms on the lowest floor, but so many “reptiles” (that is, distractions, worries, and sins) get in with them that they are unable to appreciate the beauty of the castle or to find any peace within it. Still, they have done a good deal by entering at all.

MCF:  Beginning in prayer starts with infrequent stops and starts and may be somewhat dissatisfying or discouraging because of preoccupations and sins that bother us.  Such a beginning is better than the paralysis and ignorance that come from never starting at all.  That is great encouragement.  I need to hear that beginning is not always easy, but it is not God who opposes me.

I am encouraged to begin with some thought about the “state of my soul.”  Not just its ruined condition and need for renovation, but about its nature, what it is made for.  I think it tends to lie unused and unattended to because I forget what it does: provide a dwelling place for God.  Just because of this, my soul must be a great place indeed, an inward place that surpasses the outward places I live in.  Pondering such greatness within my life which is given by God can move me into prayer.  I want to ponder the question, “What do you think a room will be like which is the delight of a King so mighty, so wise, so pure and so full of all that is good?”

Without such thought my prayers may remain “just words.”  Meditation on God, his works, and his words are a great starting point for prayer because it enables me to start seeing the reality of prayer, of who I am, and of the One I am speaking with.

May God raise me from my paralysis of bad habits and my thousand preoccupations into a life of prayer so that the door to my soul might be cracked open, and the light of God spill out.

Humility and Exaltation: Collecting Dew From Heaven

(Another imaginary interview with Andrew Murray and his book Humility.)

MCF: Humility and exaltation do not seem to go together very well.  When I am lifted up, it's hard to stay humble.

AM:  Two things are needed.  Do what God say is your work: humble yourself.  Trust him to do what he says is his work: he will exalt you.

MCF:  How do I go about humbling myself?

AM: It is not your work to conquer and cast out the pride of your nature and form within yourself the lowliness of the holy Jesus.  No, this is God's work.  It is the very essence of how he lifts you up into the real likeness of the beloved Son.  What the commandment does mean is this: take every opportunity of humbling yourself before God and man.  Accept with gratitude everything that God allows from within or without, from friend or enemy, in nature or in grace, to remind you of your need of humbling and help you to it.  Reckon humility to be indeed the mother-virtue, your very first duty before God, the one perpetual safeguard of the soul.  Set your heart upon humility as the source of all blessing.  The promise is divine and sure: he that humbles himself will be exalted.

MCF: When I do this I find myself getting increasingly frustrated and tired.  How can I find a higher humility which lifts up my heart and soul rather than grinding me into dust?

AM: All God's dealings with people are characterized by two steps.  The first is the time of preparation. Command and promise mingle with the experience of effort and impotence, of failure and partial success.  But also there is the holy expectancy of something better which these awaken.  These experiences train and discipline people for a higher stage.  Then comes the time of fulfillment.  Faith inherits the promise and enjoys what it had so often struggled for in vain.  This principle holds good in every part of the Christian life, and is the pursuit of every individual virtue.

MCF:  This time of preparation can be discouraging.  Why doesn't God just give a person humility immediately?

AM:  It is grounded in the very nature of things. In all that concerns our spiritual growth, God must take the initiative. When that has been done, a person gets his turn. In the effort after obedience and attainment, he must learn to know his impotence and to die to himself in self-despair.  Then, voluntarily and intelligently, he is able to receive from God the end, the completion of what he had accepted at the beginning in ignorance. It is God who had been the Beginning of it all, before the person rightly knew Him, or fully understood what His purpose was.  Now at the end, he longs for and.welcomes God as the End, as the All in All.

To put it another way: we know the law of human nature: acts produce habits, habits breed dispositions, dispositions form the will, and the rightly-formed will is good character. It is no different in the work of grace. God works through persistently repeated acts to beget habits and dispositions and to strengthen the will, and comes with His mighty power and Spirit.  The humbling of the proud heart with which the penitent saint cast himself so often before God, is rewarded with the "more grace" of the humble heart.  In that heart the Spirit of Jesus has conquered, and brought the new nature to its maturity.  Now the meek and lowly One dwells there forever.

MCF:  It would not be surprising that I am afraid of the effort.  At the same time, though, I find myself hungry for the promise of being lifted up by God.  Any final words about humility and exaltation?

tempresslove.blogspot.com/

AM:  This humility, my friend, is a secret of secrets.  It will help you to reap where you have not sown, and be a continual source of grace in your soul.  Everything that inwardly stirs in you, or outwardly happens to you becomes a real good to you, if it finds or excites in you this humble state of mind.  Nothing is in vain or without profit to the humble soul.  It stands always in a state of divine growth.  Everything that falls upon it is like a dew of heaven to it. Therefore, close yourself in this form of Humility.  Always be enclosed in it.  Let it be the clothes you wear.  Breathe nothing but in and from its spirit, see nothing but with its eyes, hear nothing but with its ears. Then, whether you are in the church or out of the church, hearing the praises of God or receiving wrongs from men and the world, everything will build you up and everything will help you grow in the life of God.

Lord, I long for you to lift me up.  I find myself beaten down by my desires and unable to fulfill them.  I want to turn them over to you.  I want to wait for you in humility so I might be wet with this "dew from heaven," this heavenly help, this grace that keeps on giving.  Let it be so.  Lift me up today as you teach me the joy of lowliness.  Amen.

Everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.  (Luke 18:14)

Humility and Happiness, an Interview with Andrew Murray

(An interview with Andrew Murray from my imagination using his book Humility, Chapter 11)

MCF:  How can we find pleasure in our weakness or happiness in humility?  How do we enter into this "new stage in relation to our trials," as you call it?

AM:  Let's be clear.  Nearly every Christian passes through two stages in his pursuit of humility.  In the first he fears and flees and seeks deliverance from all that can humble him.  He prays for humility, but in his secret heart he prays more to be kept from the very things that would make him humble.

MCF:  So recognizing the first stage in the journey of humility can open the door to the second stage?

AM:  Yes, we can recognize we have further to go.  In the Christian's pursuit of humility, there is a sense of burden and bondage.  Becoming humble has not yet become the spontaneous expression of a life and a nature that is essentially humble.  It has not become his joy and only pleasure.

Can we get there?  Undoubtedly.  What will it be that brings us there?  That which brought Paul there as he dealt with the thorn in his flesh (2 Corinthians 12) - a new revelation of the Lord Jesus - who he is and how he loves.

MCF:  Looking inward, then, does not help us grow in this process as much as looking upward.

AM:  Upward, yes.  The highest lesson a believer has to learn is humility.  Oh, that every Christian who seeks to be holy and mature may remember this well!  There may be intense callings and fervent passion, and heavenly experiences, and yet, if it is not prevented by special dealings of the Lord, there may be an unconscious self-exaltation with it all.  Let us learn the lesson: the highest holiness and greatest maturity is the deepest humility.  It is indeed blessed, the deepest happiness of heaven, to be be so free from self that whatever is said of us or done to us is lost and swalloed up in the thought that Jesus is all.

MCF:  Humiliation in itself is not pleasurable, but it is "swallowed up" in the joy of sharing in Jesus' glory and goodness.  Can this joy in Christ really be enough to swallow up any trouble?

AM:  Let us trust him who took charge of Paul to take charge of us too.  He who cared from him will care for us too.  He watches over us with a jealous, loving care, "lest we exalt ourselves."  Pride kills.  He seeks to show us that evil and deliver us from it.  In such trial and weakness and trouble, we learn his grace is all, his strength is made perfect in our weakness, his presence fills and satisfies our emptiness.  This is the secret of humility that never fails.

MCF:  Any final words about happiness and humility?

AM:  The humble person has learned the secret of abiding happiness .  The weaker he feels, the lower he sinks, the greater his humiliations appear, the more the power and the presence of Christ are his possession.  As he learns to say, "I am nothing," the word of his Lord brings ever deeper joy: "My grace is sufficient for you."

The humility of Jesus is our salvation: Jesus himself is our humility.  Our humility is his care and his work.  Let us choose to be weak, to be low, to be nothing.  Let humility be to us joy and gladness.  Let us gladly glory and take pleasure in weakness in all that can humble us so the power of Christ will rest upon us.  We will find the deepest humility is the secret of the truest happiness, of a joy that nothing can destroy.

Humility and Faith: Faith Requires Humility

In an address I lately heard, the speaker said that the blessings of the higher Christian life were often like the objects exposed in a shop window - one could see them clearly and yet could not reach them. If told to stretch out his hand and take, a man would answer, "I cannot; there is a thick pane of plate-glass between me and them."  And even so Christians may see clearly the blessed promises of perfect peace and rest, of overflowing love and joy, of abiding communion and fruitfulness, and yet feel that there was something between hindering the true possession.  And what might that be?  Nothing but pride.  (Murray, Andrew (2011-03-03). Humility, Chapter 9: Humility and Faith, (Kindle Locations 567-571). Niche Edition. Kindle Edition.)

INVISIBLE PRIDE

Pride often remain invisible, a strange sickness in which blindness to one's own condition is a symptom.  Reading the Bible, God's promises are great, but often ignored or diminished because we get used to seeing them on the other side of the glass of pride.

The invisible barrier of pride comes out in various phrases.  "I can't do that!  I can't live without that!  Why would I want to give that up?"  Our wills are enslaved to our immediate desires and passions.  Pride says, "I won't do what I can't do on my own otherwise my desires might go unsatisfied."

thenational.ae

The cost is high.  As long as we walk by sight and not by faith, the glass of pride remains keeping us from the "blessed promises of perfect peace and rest, or overflowing love and joy, of abiding communion and fruitfulness."  In short, the things of the kingdom of God.  "Even the most secret breathing of pride, in self-seeking, self-will, self-confidence, or self-exaltation, is just the strengthening of that self which cannot enter the kingdom or possess the things of the kingdom, because it refuses to allow God to be what He is and must be there - All in All."  (ibid, Kindle Locations 580-582)

When we begin to walk by faith and not by sight, we find that "humility is simply the disposition which prepares the soul for living on trust. . . .  Faith is the organ or sense for the perception and apprehension of the heavenly world and its blessings.  Faith seeks the glory that comes from God, that only comes where God is All. . . .  Pride renders faith impossible."  (ibid, Kindle Locations 583-584)  As Jesus said, "Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."  (Matthew 18:3-4, ESV)

SALVATION THROUGH HUMILITY

Recently my pride hid from my eyes as self-loathing.  The anger of pride was directed inward.  I could not even ask for help.  I felt there was no place for me and no hope for me.  I believe some of it is seasonal, but there was something more intense and desperate as I struggled through my days.  I did not see it as pride.  Actually, I probably thought it was humility of sorts.

But in this self-loathing was also a complete lack of faith.  I had no trust in God, in what he made me, how he has walked with me, nor in where he might take me.  I was stubbornly determined to take my own path, even if it was self-destructive.  I can see how pride brings self-destruction.  It may be through despair or anger or lust, but the refusal to give in to God is the same.

I needed salvation, deliverance in an active sense.  Such salvation requires humility and faith.  "Salvation comes through a cross and a crucified Christ. Salvation is the fellowship with the crucified Christ in the Spirit of His cross. Salvation is union with and delight in, salvation is participation in, the humility of Jesus."  (ibid, Kindle Locations 585-586)  When God showed me that my struggle was with pride, not with any real deficiency, I was able to give in and call for help.

God's help almost always involves the grace of other people.  Instead of driving them off, I began seeking them out.  Instead of hiding myself and worrying about my peculiarities, I began to exercise them as gifts and talents.  Pride renders faith impossible partly (maybe mostly) because it renders relationships impossible.  Pride ends in collapse of the self and the ruin of the soul.  Humility welcomes relationships and seeks them out.  It opens the self to God in an attitude of worship and self-sacrifice, which rebuilds and fortifies the soul.

Lord, may my life be open before you as a living sacrifice.  May the glass of pride be shattered by the truth of my humble position, my humble needs, and my humble offerings to you.  May my humility not remain a mere abstraction, but show up in all my relationships as I lay my life down before you.  Amen.

O Lord, my heart is not lifted up;    my eyes are not raised too high;I do not occupy myself with things    too great and too marvelous for me.But I have calmed and quieted my soul,    like a weaned child with its mother;    like a weaned child is my soul within me.O Israel, hope in the Lord    from this time forth and forevermore.  (Psalm 131, ESV)

A Long Obedience: Worship that Rests

Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy.  For six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God.  On it you shall not do any work."  (Exodus 20:8-9)

 The Sabbath was created for man, not man for the Sabbath.  (Mark 2:22)

WORSHIP AS REST

God's command for rest on the Sabbath seems akin to a husband who "commands" his wife not to do anything while he takes care of dinner and kids on a day when she's sick or tired.  The holiness of such  rest is holiness that comes from faith and trust.  "Please trust me," he says, "I'll take care of everything."  Fortunately, God can do a better job that many of us husbands can.  The sentiment seems similar to me, though.

The danger of refusing such rest is not the same, however.  "There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from their works, just as God did from his. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will perish by following their example of disobedience."  (Hebrews 4:9-11)  This does not raise Sabbath-breaking to the height of ultimate sin.  Instead, Sabbath-breaking becomes a picture of a life oriented away from God.  A life without resting in God is a life without faith in God.

So I find Sabbath-keeping not merely a matter of going to church, nor of staying at home and recreating.  It is resting from my desires and seeking God's.  In a message to the people of God in a time in which they just practiced a religion and did not really seek God, Isaiah records God words:

"If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath

    and from doing as you please on my holy day,

if you call the Sabbath a delight

    and the Lord’s holy day honorable,

and if you honor it by not going your own way

    and not doing as you please or speaking idle words,

then you will find your joy in the Lord,

    and I will cause you to ride in triumph on the heights of the land

    and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob.”

For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.  (Isaiah 58:13-14)

Again, it is easy to see this as a threat to "worship and honor God or else."  Perhaps, though, God is pleading with his people to come back and trust in him, seek his fullness and goodness, and ponder and reflect on his greatness and glory, but not for his good, but for ours.  Maybe we cannot make it without such rest.

WORSHIP AS AN APPETIZER

What does such rest bring?  Why would God be so insistent?  Eugene Peterson writes,

[One hour of] worship does not satisfy our hunger for God - it whets the appetite.  Our need for God is not taken care of by engaging in worship - it deepens.  It overflows the hour and permeates the week.  The need is expressed in a desire for peace and security.  Our everyday needs are changed by the act of worship.  We are no longer living from hand to mouth, greedily scrambling through the human rat race to make the best we can out of a mean existence.  (A Long Obedience in the Same Direction, p. 56)

If what he says is true, then our everyday needs are changed by not participating in worship.  We will find ourselves "living from hand to mouth, greedily scrambling through the human rat race to make the best we can out of a mean existence."  I think he hits it pretty close to the mark.

Peterson describes our desire for peace as a desire for a "wholeness that results from God's will being completed in us, . . . the work of God that, when complete, releases streams of living water in us and pulsates eternal life."  (56)  The desire for security

has nothing to do with insurance policies or large bank accounts or stockpiles of weapons.  The root meaning [of the Hebrew word] is leisure - the relaxed stance of one who knows that everything is all right because God is over us, with us, and for us in Jesus Christ.  The security of being at home in a history that has a cross at its center.  It is a leisure of the person who knows that every moment of our existence is at the disposal of God, lived under the mercy of God. (57)

A SHARPENED LIFE

Unfortunately, such wholeness and leisure are at odds with the lives most of us live in the secular and religious spheres.  The secular part of our lives are often engaged in frantic entertainment when work is put aside.  The religious part of our lives now looks surprisingly similar: entertainment and work with little time for a trusting rest that brings wholeness and that "relaxed stance."  How might we explain such wasted time to such a pragmatic society?  To the parts of myself that resist any waste of time?

Look at the mower in the summer's day, with so much to cut down ere the sun sets.  He pauses in his labour - is he a sluggard?  He looks for a stone, and begins to draw up and down his scythe, with rink-atink, rink-atink, rink-atink.  Is that idle music - is he wasting precious moments?  How much he might have mowed while he has been ringing out those notes on his scythe!  But he is sharpening his tool, and he will do far more when once again he gives strength to those long sweeps which lay the grass prostrate in rows before him.  (Charles Spurgeon, quoted in A Long Obedience, p. 57)

Lord, let me not become blunt with frantic and meaningless labor.  Let me be sharpened by spiritual worship, gathered with those who worship in truth.  I do not want the activity of worship, but one that acts as an appetizer to the meal of a life with you.  Amen.

A Long Obedience: Going Deeper to Stay with Jesus

Continuing discipleship with Jesus has to run deep to remain alive.  Jesus warns that trouble and persecution will be part of my life as his follower.  He warns that unless my joy in him runs deep, I will find myself falling away (Matthew 13).  The question of eternal security aside, I believe that what he means is that I need to follow him "deeper in and higher up" or I will not end up following him.

I am grateful that Jesus warns me about such things, but I am even more grateful for his promises in the midst of trouble.  He calls such a life "blessed" (Matthew 5:11-12).  In the Psalms, this promise is written "The Lord will watch over your life, he will protect you from all harm."  (Psalm 121)  When I read this I asked myself, "What is the life that he protects from all harm?"  For a believer, life transcends the body; it is more than biological existence.  It is the spirit that God keeps from all harm.  "At no time is there the faintest suggestion that the life of faith exempts us from difficulties.  What it promises is preservation from all the evil in them."  (Eugene Peterson, A Long Obedience in the Same Direction, 42)

Continuing with Christ involves a putting aside of evil.  I believe this involves weeding and watering.  Weeding involves repentance.  It also involves perseverance.  The roots of the weed have to be pulled, not just the stalk.  If roots run deep, I have to dig around them first before I can pull them out.  What I mean is that a direct assault on my sins and faults rarely works.  I have to work my way around them. An example is the acronym HALT used for dealing with addictions.  It stands for Hunger, Anger, Loneliness, and Tiredness.  One way to dig around sinful behavior is to develop a lifestyle that limits these privations.

Watering is the process of filling up with the good things of God so there is no room for evil.  I do not need to get rid of all the evil around me.  That's impossible.  I need to rid myself of the evil inside of me.  One image I have found helpful is that my life is like a glass full of black coffee.  I picture adding ice to the coffee.  It gradually gets clearer and clearer.  "All the water in the oceans cannot sick a ship unless it gets inside.  Nor can all the trouble in the world harm us unless it gets within us."  (43)

Lately, I have been struggling with distrust.  I find myself angry and I hardly know why.  Something has got inside.  Whatever hurts I've had can be healed and helped by God.  He is my strength and shield.  When I dwell on them, I let them in.  I see I need more time with Jesus to clear out these wounds.

My Lord, cleanse me.  Pull me away from the hurts I want to rehearse.  Let me live in the shadow of your wings, aware of your goodness always.  Your grace is everywhere.  Your grace is sufficient.  Amen.

A Long Obedience: A No That Is a Yes

STUCK

When I was little, my older brothers used to try to put me into snow pits or various traps I could not get out of.  They would think my distress was funny, as older brothers often do.  They would say "Matt, you're in the STUCK."  I would cry, "No, not the STUCK."  We laugh about it now.

After receiving good instruction and encouragement at church or a conference, I am eager to try to get going with something new or releasing something destructive.  I think of all sorts of strategies and ideas about how good change could be.  When I come back to my life, however, I find I am in "the stuck."  The ideas don't seem to want to get started in my everyday life.  The old habits just seem too hard to overcome and new habits don't seem so appealing when I'm alone at work or tired at home.

A person has to be thoroughly disgusted with the way things are to find motivation to set out on the Christian way.  As long as we think the next election might eliminate crime and establish justice or another scientific breakthrough might save the environment or another pay raise might push us over the edge of anxiety into a life of tranquility, we are not likely to risk the arduous uncertainties of the life of faith.  A person has to get fed up with the ways of the world before he, before she, acquires an appetite for the world of grace.  (Eugene Peterson, A Long Obedience in the Same Direction, 25)

A good idea, then, is not enough.  I vague hope will not propel me into a changed life.  Something else has to happen.  It does not need to be dramatic, but often it feels that way.  It is not so much a matter of feeling as it is a resolved will.  "It is the turning point marking the transition from a dreamy nostalgia for a better life to a rugged pilgrimage of discipleship in faith, from complaining about how bad things are to pursuing all things good."  (28)

NO BEFORE YES

thegospelcoalition.org

This decision is what the Bible calls repentance.  "A 'No' that is a 'Yes'" as Peterson puts it.  (29)  I think I am put off by the negative part at times.  I think I can just add more to my already full plate.  I think I can just squeeze faith in next to my hobbies and work and family time. John the Baptist came to clear the path for the Messiah.  Jesus basic message was "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near!" Both knew that my life is always more cluttered than I think and that much of it is not compatible with a life of faith.  "Repentance is a realization that what God wants from you and what you want from God are not going to be achieved by doing the same old things, thinking the same old thoughts.  Repentance is a decision to follow Jesus Christ and become his pilgrim in the path of peace." (30)

When I finally get around to repentance, I face an even greater danger.  The strength of my resolve brings an expectation for immediate results.  I want to change now.  Such changes are like the seed that fell in the shallow soil in Jesus' parable of the sower and the seeds.  It grows up fast, but dies off quickly.  Depth is needed.  The soil has to be broken up and worked over.  Fast changes usually only yield disappointment.  The path is a long road, not a runner's sprint.

I've been learning how to start small and even test things out.  I try not to let my resolve move me into commitments I cannot keep.  The influence and power of God usually work into my life like yeast works through dough, with a lot of kneading.  A little bit can go a long way if it is done with faithfulness and in love.  I've often told my kids that five minutes of real devotion before God is worth hours of distracted or dissatisfied acts of charity or devotion.  Sometimes it takes a while to really stand before God and seek his face because of all of the clutter in my life, though.

Repentance is the beginning.  A "No" that moves me from self-satisfaction to brokenness, from worry to hope, from oppression to challenge.

Lord, I do not want to be cynical, but I do want to learn how to die to the world so I might live in you, with you, and for you.  Keep me from quick changes that only tire me out.  Allow my repentance to be the beginning of refreshing times with you. Amen.