Prayer and Presence

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Devotional Classics, Henri Nouwen, Excerpts from Making All Things New

"If we really believe not only that God exists but also that he is actively present in our lives - healing, teaching, and guiding - we need to set aside a time and a space to give him our undivided attention." (p.95)

How often does God become just an idea or a feeling or a duty or an obligation to me? I do not think I ever have really doubted that God simply exists. I think I have played with the idea occasionally of how I could try to imagine him not existing. That takes far more "faith" than I have.

Jesus did not come primarily to prove that God exists. After all, "even the demons believe that - and shudder." (Jam. 2:19) It is a necessary step in the right direction, but a very small step. I find that God's existence in not what I struggle to keep a hold on, but God's active concern for me, his doting parenthood, his continual closeness.

It's not just proximity, but closeness in care. One verse that really touches me in this way is Jesus' teaching: "Do not keep babbling on like the pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him." (Mt 6:7-8) I used to think of God knowing what I need before I ask him as simply foreknowledge, but I think it is more a comment on how well he knows me and cares for me. I do not need to babble on, nervously hoping that I can get across to God what I need or so I can coerce something out of him. No, he knows me deeply and intimately and wants me to speak to him as one who knows and loves me.

My greatest enemy seems to be the apparent urgency or proximity of things that need to be done or people who need my attention. They seem so much "closer" to me than God. Their voices are seemingly louder and more insistent. But really that is generally not true. The nearness and urgency of being with God is actually what is closer. The greater the task I have to do, the more desperately a person needs me, the more I need to take the Lord's hand to accompany me through it all. So often I let go and try to fly solo. . . .

Lord, save me from forgetting you, from not having any room in my thoughts for you. How is it that I can forget someone who is so crazy about me? I can only answer that my love is mostly directed at other things or other people at times or at my own comfort and ease. Forgive me. Remind me. "Let me never, no, never outlive my love to Thee." (from O Sacred Head Now Wounded) Amen.

In a traditional prayer of examen, as I have learned it, the first step is the realization that God is present, has been present earlier in my day, and is already waiting for me later in my day. Just this first step has awakened me from my spiritual lethargy and sleep during the day. These moments of examen of God's presence in my life makes me realize the truth in Brother Lawrence's words: "I began to live as if there was none but God and I in the world." May your presence become what is most important to me, Father.

Prayer and Space

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Devotional Classics, Henri Nouwen, Excerpts from Making All Things New

"A spiritual discipline, therefore, is the concentrated effort to create some inner and outer space in our lives, where obedience can be practiced." (p.95)

Yesterday was a day with little space. I have been going from one emergency to the next at work. At home Spring has sprung with all its extra demands for cleaning and maintainance. Starting this blog has been fun, but it also lingers in my mind. Space has seemed scarce these days.

In the midst of this I find great comfort in taking small "breathers," small moments of silence. I find that it is indeed as Nouwen points out in another book, The Way of the Heart, a solitude I can take everywhere. I do find that this inner space allows me room to practice obedienceto my Lord in many situations, instead of letting them blow by. Indeed, I find that it is possible to start doing as Paul says: "Whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." (1 Cor. 10:31)

Using solitude and silence to create that inner space also brings me great comfort. God is near. He is very near. His grace is shown when we turn our faces up to him, he is there. We have to "close the door" on our many inner and outer voices to hear him oftentimes, but he is there.

And he is more than just there. I don't like the song that says "God is watching from a distance." He is already talking to me. Before I come or go, he is already there. "Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain." (Ps. 139:6) His presence is all the comfort I need because it also means he is at work in and around me. That is why I can stand still and find God, because of his grace and intimate love.

I also find that this inner space prevents me from making intimacy with others into a sort of god. I truly need to be closer to people around me, sharing with them and caring for them, however, I need to be careful that I do not use this intimacy to manipulate or control people, trying to get them to do what I want for my own self-satisfaction. I need room. They need room. Room to be with the Lord. Bonhoeffer explains that we need Christ to mediate in all our relationships in Life Together. The closer the relationship, the more I need God in the midst of it.

Lord, it is joy to know that "if I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there; if I rise on the wings of the dawn or settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me." (Ps. 139:7-8) I need you these days, these full days. I want to empty them even just a little to let you in. Amen.

In the last day or so, I have been practicing breathers during my devotions and conversations and work and even play. I have found God to be near, but I find that I forget him so easily. His grace is in the space. When my heart and life are full, there is no room for God. I invite you, Lord, into these little spaces today.

Prayer and Solitude

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Devotional Classics, Henri Nouwen, Excerpts from Making All Things New

"One of the early Christian writers describes the first stage of solitary prayer as the experience of a man who, after years of living with open doors, suddenly decides to shut them." (p.96)

Jesus tells me similar things. "But when you pray, go into your room and close the door and prayer to your Father who is unseen. Then your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you." (Mt. 6:6) Also, a hymn that has moved me recently speaks the same thing:

I heard the voice of Jesus say, "Come unto me and rest.
Lay down thou weary one, lay down thy head upon my breast."
I came Jesus as I was: weary and worn and sad.
I have found in him a resting place and he has made me glad.

So the first part of this solitary prayer is closing the door. I continue to see that the first part of devotion is letting go of something before I can receive something. When I close the door, I start to let go of the desire to be impressive or even respected. When I close the door, I start to rest from my frantic desires to get ahead or make up for my weaknesses.

My wife, Dawn, has often remarked that it is not in the midst of a frenzied week that she becomes sad or sick, but during the rest that follows. Something about this letting go seems to bring allow her to experience being "weary and worn and sad." I have had similar experiences in solitary prayer. When I stop and seek the Lord, I find out how weary I am.

I think this has made me reluctant to stop at times, almost as if God makes me sad. But it is not that. Solitary prayer makes me aware of the weariness that I've had all along. If that weariness goes unchecked, I find I begin to see it manifest in other ways: my besetting sins resurface, my body begins to get sick, my relationships begin to deteriorate, and my heart turns away from God with suspicion or indifference.

I find that I have been letting everything into my life indiscriminately. I am weary because I have too many masters, demanding my time and energy. Solitude begins with shutting the door on these masters and seeking my one true Lord. I need recalibration because I drift.

Of course, these other masters see my solitary prayer as "wasted time" and a "strange period of uselessness." (p.96) I have heard that this is one of the best indicators that I am spending time alone with God: I have some sense from others and myself that I am "wasting time." I find that only then am I truly resting in Him.

Lord, there are so many words, so many things to do, so many things to study and understand, but I find that these things are empty without you guiding me through them. I would rather have one word from you, one small calling to fulfill, and just the certainty of your love for me and others than anything else. "Whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ." (Php. 3:7) Help me to truly rest in you, Father, and leave the many other voices behind. Amen.

At home, I must teach my kids to close the door so that we don't let the heat out or let the bugs in. Now I must teach my heart the same thing, because I want to keep the heat in and the bugs out of there as well. My door edges open somewhere in the afternoon because I become engrossed with all that I think I have to do. I need a "time of refreshing" somewhere in there to close the door. Many prayer offices include three times of prayer in the day. Perhaps that will do to begin with. . . .

Prayer and Intimacy Again

Photo from "Love at the Heart of Things" by E. Glen Hinson

Devotional Classics, p. 89, Douglas Steere, Excerpts from Prayer and Worship

"When we hold up the life of another before God, when we expose it to God's love, when we pray for its realease from drowsiness, for the quickening of its inner health, for the power to throw off a destructive habit, for the restoration of its free and vital relationship with its fellows, for its strength to resist temptation, for its courage to continue against sharp opposition - only then do we sense what it means to share in God's work, in his concern; only then do the walls that separate us from others go down and we sense that we are at bottom all knit together in a great and intimate family."

I see this idea of intimacy can be a false one if I emphasize the power of prayer to make me family with others over and against the power of Christ to make sons and daughters of God. By faith we are saved, not by someone else's prayer.

However, I know that there is a close relationship between this faith and prayer. I pray for others to hear the One calling out to them. I cry out for their soul's restoration, their mind's freedom, and their heart's right and free choice to be with the Lord. So my prayers become a prequel to faith.

In this sense I am family with everyone: the most important relationship I have with them is one shared relationship with God. We are all brothers and sisters because we have one Father. "Our Father in heaven" is still our Father whether we accept him or not. So everyone is at least potentially my spiritual family.

Although this seems to be in the realm of "might be's" and hope, I was hit last night and this morning about how prayer is able to draw us close to other people. It greatly increases our intimacy with each person I pray for.

I become an invisible companion with God and the person. I journey with them through their life and even hear things that God may be telling them that they do not yet hear. It sounds presumptuous, but it is well established in the Bible that when we hear God, we may be more aware of another person's needs or desires than they themselves are. Through prayer Dawn has seen more keenly into my life than I have on a number of occasions.

It is not easy, though. It hurts to be close and walk through other's pain and bad choices. It really can be a labor and burden. I have frequently put such prayers aside because of the suffering involved.

I see how easy it is to not "share in God's work." He suffers intensely as we go our way without him. He longs for us with all his heart. To share in God's work is also to share in God's pain.

What encourages me to keep going is that my desire to be close and at hand outweighs my fear of pain. With my children, I hurt when I see their pain or missteps, but I do not abandon them, I try to stay even closer. I hope that my presence will be some comfort to them, even if I cannot ease their pain or teach them the right way effectively.

Also intimacy with God strenghtens me for the task, when I lose hope and endurance. Actually, this intimacy I would identify as adoration. "'The most fundamental need, duty, honor, and happiness of men is not petition or even contrition, nor again, even thanksgiving. . . but adoration. . . .' In adoration we enjoy God. We ask nothing except to be near him." (p.91)

Lord, I find that I long to be near to you and near to the people around me. Such nearness brings pain - sometimes excruciating - but it is far better than the coldness of being alone. Let me seek to pray for others so that I may be closer to them and closer to you. This is the heart of intercession - intimacy. Enlarge my heart. Turn it from a heart of stone to one of flesh. Amen.

This thought helps me to realize my reluctance to intercede for others as well as the uppermost goal lies in intimacy. People do not need answers as much as they need companions and family. Even the promise of eternal life is not a promise of knowing answers but Jesus' goal "that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent." (Jn. 17:3)

Prayer and Action

Photo from "Love at the Heart of Things" by E. Glen Hinson

Devotional Classics, p. 90, Douglas Steere, Excerpts from Prayer and Worship

"Holy obedience to the insights, the concerns that come, that persist, and that are in accord with cooperation with God's way of love is not only the active side of prayer, but is the only adequate preparation for future prayer."

True prayer leads me into future prayer. It is not an isolated action that begins and ends like a question/answer session or a lecture. It is conversation.

I find that when my prayers merely become a search for answers, they become more like lists and less like a continuing correspondence. I do find lists very helpful, even when talking with people, since I forget things so easily, but they are usually just precursors or even some interferences that must be dealt with prior to having a real conversation with someone. If a list makes up most of my conversation with someone, I would not see that as an intimate relationship, but as one of a coworker or acquaintance.

It is not to say that prayer is merely conversation. Prayer must be woven into real life to be real, or it really is just words. The actions inspired by prayer and then taken make prayer and the relationship behind it real. If there is no co-mingling of life and prayer, "if we ignore these leadings, they poison future prayer." (p.90)

I remember a while ago that one of the most important things I wanted my kids to know about me was that I listened and cared about them, so I made it a practice to make sure that I did what I said I would do. I tried to make sure that I would not forget to do what I said I would do. When I say I will do something with or for my child and then I neglect to do it, I show I was not really listening or that I don't really care. Action is an integral part of real conversation and real trust. That is why Jesus assures us, "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will opened to you." (Mt. 7:7) (Also, on the side, it may give a hint as to who the swine and dogs are in the verse prior to this one: times when people bring me concerns and questions and I do not respond helpfully or at all. May with just a "Be warmed and be filled. . . ")

Lord, I am overcome with the many words that I say without following them with real concern, care, or action. Help me to prune my words to be ones that I mean to perform and not merely say. Help me to say what I do and do what I say even (especially?) in the smallest things of life, so that I may be faithful to do them in the "bigger" things as well. Amen

I think that the practice I hope to continue and enlarge in my life is to "simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes' and your 'No', 'No.'" (Mt. 5:37) Also when I say something, especially in prayer, I want to pray and wait "to be established in the power that will enable [me] to carry out these leadings. 'I will wait for the strength to fulfill it.' Here in the silence as the power gathers, it is well to face the difficulty one will meet in carrying out this concern. . . . They need to be met and overcome in the silence." (p.90) Prayer becomes leading, leading becomes intention, intention becomes action, and action returns me to prayer.

Prayer and Intimacy

Photo from "Love at the Heart of Things" by E. Glen Hinson

Devotional Classics, p. 88 - Douglas Steere, Excerpts from Prayer and Worship

"There is no greater intimacy with another than that which is built through holding him or her up in prayer."

Dawn and I have been talking a bit about intimacy lately. How do you get close to other people? How can we walk across the wide chasm of superficiality that seems to plague so many of our relationships?

I see this is one way that intercessory prayer can help me. Obviously I cannot merely lift people up to God in prayer with the sole goal of getting close to them. However, to lift someone up without being drawing nearer to them in intimacy makes my prayers seem wooden and empty, without love. Although my prayer may not begin with intimacy, I hope it will end there.

Also, I see how I can draw close to people who have no interest in drawing close to me. Whether they are my enemies or merely indifferent, I can draw close to them as I draw close to the God who loves them so dearly. I need not let my intimacy with others depend on their feelings and actions toward me.

The barriers to this kind of intimacy are many. They are mainly within my heart. I want other people to change, but I do not want to change or to have to do anything to help. Another quote from this section reflects this difficulty: "You may pray for the release of some area of life in a friend and find that you are called upon to set right something in your own life that has acted as a stumbling block to him." (p.89) Praying for others lays open the places of resistance within me.

I don't believe this need be a guilt-producing practice. I have more than enough pressure to "put feet to my prayers" and pray more for others. I think it is more a matter of praying deeply for others. Guilt makes me feel tempted to pray for others like I am ordering something at McDonald's. Conviction from the Holy Spirit reminds me that I am praying for them like they are a dearly loved brother, friend, or child.

I don't think God needs us merely to remind him of other people's needs. He wants me to be changed in the process. Everything I do I need to do with the goal of being more like Jesus. Sincerity in prayer is a must, although I don't often begin there. I just don't believe I can settle for less. "And do not keep babbling on like the pagans do, for they think they will be heard because of their many words." (Mt. 6:7) I don't need more prayers or longer lists of prayers, but prayers from my heart.

Lord, I long for the "words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart to be pleasing in your sight." (Ps. 19) I don't want my prayer to be merely words lost to my mind and heart the moment after I speak them. I find that often my heart and my mouth are disconnected. I pray for what I don't care about, and I don't show real concern for what I am praying for. Let them come together into something that pleases you and blesses others. Let me find inner community with everyone by taking part in your love for them. Amen.

This prayer inspires me to learn how to pray earnestly and to practice no prayer but that. I imagine like any other process of learning, the hardest part is unlearning bad habits. So I will seek to be silent when my words and meditations have not come together in love and seek first to be conscious of Who I am praying to and who I am praying for. Perhaps these words can help me: O God, you are love, desiring to be close to all of us. As our Father, you want us to love each other dearly as well. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.