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| spiritualityandpractice.com |
"If we really believe not only that God exists but also that he is actively present in our lives - healing, teaching, and guiding - we need to set aside a time and a space to give him our undivided attention." (p.95)
How often does God become just an idea or a feeling or a duty or an obligation to me? I do not think I ever have really doubted that God simply exists. I think I have played with the idea occasionally of how I could try to imagine him not existing. That takes far more "faith" than I have.
Jesus did not come primarily to prove that God exists. After all, "even the demons believe that - and shudder." (Jam. 2:19) It is a necessary step in the right direction, but a very small step. I find that God's existence in not what I struggle to keep a hold on, but God's active concern for me, his doting parenthood, his continual closeness.
It's not just proximity, but closeness in care. One verse that really touches me in this way is Jesus' teaching: "Do not keep babbling on like the pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him." (Mt 6:7-8) I used to think of God knowing what I need before I ask him as simply foreknowledge, but I think it is more a comment on how well he knows me and cares for me. I do not need to babble on, nervously hoping that I can get across to God what I need or so I can coerce something out of him. No, he knows me deeply and intimately and wants me to speak to him as one who knows and loves me.
My greatest enemy seems to be the apparent urgency or proximity of things that need to be done or people who need my attention. They seem so much "closer" to me than God. Their voices are seemingly louder and more insistent. But really that is generally not true. The nearness and urgency of being with God is actually what is closer. The greater the task I have to do, the more desperately a person needs me, the more I need to take the Lord's hand to accompany me through it all. So often I let go and try to fly solo. . . .
Lord, save me from forgetting you, from not having any room in my thoughts for you. How is it that I can forget someone who is so crazy about me? I can only answer that my love is mostly directed at other things or other people at times or at my own comfort and ease. Forgive me. Remind me. "Let me never, no, never outlive my love to Thee." (from O Sacred Head Now Wounded) Amen.
In a traditional prayer of examen, as I have learned it, the first step is the realization that God is present, has been present earlier in my day, and is already waiting for me later in my day. Just this first step has awakened me from my spiritual lethargy and sleep during the day. These moments of examen of God's presence in my life makes me realize the truth in Brother Lawrence's words: "I began to live as if there was none but God and I in the world." May your presence become what is most important to me, Father.
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