Prayer and Solitude

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Devotional Classics, Henri Nouwen, Excerpts from Making All Things New

"One of the early Christian writers describes the first stage of solitary prayer as the experience of a man who, after years of living with open doors, suddenly decides to shut them." (p.96)

Jesus tells me similar things. "But when you pray, go into your room and close the door and prayer to your Father who is unseen. Then your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you." (Mt. 6:6) Also, a hymn that has moved me recently speaks the same thing:

I heard the voice of Jesus say, "Come unto me and rest.
Lay down thou weary one, lay down thy head upon my breast."
I came Jesus as I was: weary and worn and sad.
I have found in him a resting place and he has made me glad.

So the first part of this solitary prayer is closing the door. I continue to see that the first part of devotion is letting go of something before I can receive something. When I close the door, I start to let go of the desire to be impressive or even respected. When I close the door, I start to rest from my frantic desires to get ahead or make up for my weaknesses.

My wife, Dawn, has often remarked that it is not in the midst of a frenzied week that she becomes sad or sick, but during the rest that follows. Something about this letting go seems to bring allow her to experience being "weary and worn and sad." I have had similar experiences in solitary prayer. When I stop and seek the Lord, I find out how weary I am.

I think this has made me reluctant to stop at times, almost as if God makes me sad. But it is not that. Solitary prayer makes me aware of the weariness that I've had all along. If that weariness goes unchecked, I find I begin to see it manifest in other ways: my besetting sins resurface, my body begins to get sick, my relationships begin to deteriorate, and my heart turns away from God with suspicion or indifference.

I find that I have been letting everything into my life indiscriminately. I am weary because I have too many masters, demanding my time and energy. Solitude begins with shutting the door on these masters and seeking my one true Lord. I need recalibration because I drift.

Of course, these other masters see my solitary prayer as "wasted time" and a "strange period of uselessness." (p.96) I have heard that this is one of the best indicators that I am spending time alone with God: I have some sense from others and myself that I am "wasting time." I find that only then am I truly resting in Him.

Lord, there are so many words, so many things to do, so many things to study and understand, but I find that these things are empty without you guiding me through them. I would rather have one word from you, one small calling to fulfill, and just the certainty of your love for me and others than anything else. "Whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ." (Php. 3:7) Help me to truly rest in you, Father, and leave the many other voices behind. Amen.

At home, I must teach my kids to close the door so that we don't let the heat out or let the bugs in. Now I must teach my heart the same thing, because I want to keep the heat in and the bugs out of there as well. My door edges open somewhere in the afternoon because I become engrossed with all that I think I have to do. I need a "time of refreshing" somewhere in there to close the door. Many prayer offices include three times of prayer in the day. Perhaps that will do to begin with. . . .